Written by: Nina Kundi, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
“When it's good, it's great however when it's bad it’s a nightmare”, I hear you! And perhaps you’re not sure if this is something that you need to be worrying about or if you are sabotaging the relationship due to circumstances of the past.
Being in a relationship can hinder us and cause so much damage if we are in the wrong one, relationships are there to help us to grow and blossom, so how can, we be sure?
Here are 6 common elements of unhealthy relationship behaviours.
1. Control.
This is the more common element when looking at whether a relationship is healthy or not, no one has the right to control another human being, and to be frank, why would you want to? There are many ways control can rear its ugly head, Financially, having to ask permission to spend money or even asking for money as your partner may be the main wage earner controlling the bank accounts. Socialising, monitoring who you speak with, who you go out with and slowly edging you away from those who truly care. Even down to what you wear, what you watch, where you eat – all of these are signs that the other person is trying to take control.
2. Disrespect.
Everyone is entitled to have an opinion however when you are not being heard or even dismissed it can come across as disrespectful, other ways this can show up is the way you are being treated by the other person, if they are leaving you to fetch and carry – They disregard your views, wishes or emotional needs, The way they speak to you in front of others or perhaps in front of the children, being hostile with you or downgrading your abilities.
3. Dishonesty.
No matter what happens in a relationship there is always room for honesty, even when you think the chips are down, we can find solutions to problems, when your partner is consistently lying or hiding things from you this will cause an element of mistrust, sometimes they may blame you saying it is a figment of your imagination and that you are just trying to cause conflict. This is done to divert your attention from finding out the truth.
4. Jealousy.
Wow, this can leave you feeling smothered, quite often when partners are Jealous it can lead to controlling behaviours, perhaps your partner is always questioning where you have been or who you have been speaking to, maybe they have displayed aggressive tones or mannerisms after talking to someone of the opposite sex. A jealous partner may resort to emotional blackmail to stop you from doing certain activities especially if it doesn’t involve them.
5. Unhealthy Emotional attachments
Some people carry unhealthy emotional attachments, and this can show up in several different ways, perhaps they are wanting to be with you constantly and when it is not possible, they cause conflict? Dependency can also be presented especially when they feel that they cannot do anything alone and they need your guidance with everything, this can lead to your partner becoming co-dependent where they may try to do anything to please you, ignoring your boundaries.
6. Intimidation
Are you feeling like you are walking on eggshells? The slightest crack may set them off. Intimidation is used so one partner can power over the other, this can show up in different ways such as, banging doors, slamming down plates – using bodyweight to tower over, shouting, and swearing instead of talking in a calm tone, no actual physical harm however very unnerving.
Being aware of unhealthy signs helps you to make the decision at an early stage as to whether this is something than can be addressed and worked on or if it is really time to walk away, for any relationship requires both parties to be working together, especially when you are wanting to tweak some patterns of behaviour, if the other party is not wanting to be involved then you cannot change them.
Not all unhealthy relationships are romantic, of course, we have relationships with everyone we meet, Ourselves, Parents, Siblings, Friends, Extended Family, having the warning signs helps you to not only look after the heart, but it also helps you to see if there are any areas of development you may need or if you need to walk away from people who may not serve you or support your growth.
Nina Kundi, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Nina Kundi is a Relationship Coach, After experiencing 20 years of trauma and abuse from previous relationships she decided to go on a journey herself to shift the emotional attachments, move away from her past and build a stronger relationship with herself, In doing so she became an International Author writing her own biography on Relationship Patterns and Self Worth, "Why don't you love me" Nina has spent 19 years working with women in the Sexual Empowerment industry, building confidence and coaching women around better relationships and physical intimacy levels. In her latest book "Squirting all over the world" she talks about all the unspoken topics around sexual novelty. She has delivered educational videos on TED-ED and also for a Company providing Self-worth education to schools. Nina now dedicates her life to helping others to build stronger relationships with themselves and others individually or as couples, She has developed a seven-step formula that so far has helped many people to manage their emotions and how they respond to circumstances.
