Written by: Eva Gruber, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
“People leave managers, not companies.” That was my honest take-away from a deep conversation with another expert speaker these days. Is that true, you might ask? If so, how does it impact you? What can you do about it? This article is not written for CEOs and team leads only. It’s for all employees too. Why? As a team lead, you will start to understand which (self-)leadership behavior you might need to adopt. As an employee, you can frame what you need from a team lead. This will help you strengthen your (mental) well-being and positive engagement at your workplace.
1. The judge comes at the very start
Imagining our brain, I always think of a big, crowded highway. This highway makes us smart and fast in response. But at many times, more often than you are aware of, I would wish your brain to be a dirt road in the countryside instead. Especially at times when your inner critic kicks in! That’s your inner, critical voice you tend to take for granted and simply believe in. Your inner critic e.g. angrily claims “Chris is not good enough for this task.” or “I’ll run late to my meeting due to this stupid subway.”. But even more shocking is how harshly we judge ourselves! I could list you tons of judgments my clients tell themselves every day, e.g. “I’m not good enough for this job as a working parent.”, “I’m not fast enough in this dynamic startup.” or “I’m not relaxed and fun enough as a CEO and team lead.”. As judging ourselves, others or circumstances comes at the very start of a downhill experience at your work, how do you judge or get judged?
2. The hyper-achiever pushes over boundaries
Envision a mountain top. You run-up to it, eager to be successful, get praise and recognition, promising others everything just to push along. But being on this very mountain top, you don’t even enjoy yourself, let alone celebrate your team. Even worse, you only see the next, higher mountain top on the horizon, demanding everyone to follow you. Looking at this metaphor, we can learn that too many of us, especially in a fast-paced work environment, tend to overuse a quality: The quality of eagerness and striving. As we get too eager, we start running for the wrong reasons. We push our team over healthy boundaries, stress them out, are absent at the same time, and make them feel used as a replaceable tool in the end. Having the hyper-achiever in you or in your boss might be the reason for business success, but this success comes with high (human) costs in the end. Ask yourself: Do I push others for the wrong reasons? Or if I get pushed, does it cross healthy boundaries?
3. The hyper-rational drains any empathy
“Only a rational decision is a good decision.” That’s the common belief among leaders with a hyper-rational mindset. Applied research shows that this behavior pattern is slightly more established with male leaders due to e.g. their upbringing and a tendency towards technical education. Again, our ratio and logical thinking are qualities all of us need. But its overuse as a leader feels to a team like a never-ending, painfully loud hammer. You hammer in the logical reasons for your decision. “I never have the feeling of being listened to when I propose an alternative, unfamiliar solution. I rather shut down my intuition at work”, a client shared. True that! The hyper-rational in us lacks to show empathy to a team member and by that curiosity why e.g. a question or alternative idea came up. Especially Generation Z flees from a hyper-rational leader, as well-being at their workplace is essential. How about you? How does the hammer affect you?
4. The controller in us takes any creative initiative
“But I wanted the best outcome for my team! Isn’t that why keeping things in control is good?”, a client admitted, looking shocked. I guess all of us know the awful feeling of someone “looking over your shoulder”, watching in disbelief that you can make things happen. Your first experience with controlling habits might have been with your mum or dad, or at your first job. When your boss or you as a team lead tend towards controlling behavior, this happens to your team: You stop your people from learning! You hinder them from taking initiative! You take away “the floor under their feet”, their self-security to be good and ready enough to make things happen! The controller in you has the initial good quality of wanting the best outcome. But once you overuse this quality e.g. micro-management, you lose the game. The harsh truth is: Yes, the controller in you helps you win the “little battles”. But you will lose the “big battles” as your team will not stand aligned behind you. On a scale of 1-10, how controlling are you at present? How strongly does a controlling boss numb your creative initiative?
5. Being restless leaves us empty handed
Children love to take their bucket and shovel at the beach, digging deep to get to the water level bit-by-bit. Unfortunately, too many of us have lost this quality as adults. If we would sit next to these children, we would start digging a hole, only stopping seconds later as we believe “Over there looks way better!”. Once we start digging at this other place, it feels too hard to go deeper and we believe “The sand on my right looks the best to get to the water level!”. While the children were digging at the same spot cheering joyfully once they reached the water, you created 10 shallow holes but never got even close to what you aimed for! This metaphor stands for an “epidemic” of our modern times: Restlessness. By having too many ideas in your mind as a curious team-lead, you push yourself to act upon them. Ending up with negative habits like multitasking, you turn nervous on top, making your team feel nervous too at worst. Your belief of “I’ll miss out on something if I don’t follow this idea or join this event!” makes you miss true results in the end. You get frustrated or angry as you aimed for the most, but clearly achieved the least. Do you lead with restlessness? Does your boss multitask restlessly?
Go for a walk now or do something that easily helps you to get unstuck. Then sit down again, and answer my questions. I’m here if you wish to bounce them.
Follow me on LinkedIn and Instagram. Learn more about my support for Good Habits and Mental Fitness on my webpage.
Eva Gruber, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Eva Gruber is a Habit Coach, Mental Fitness Trainer (mental health, positive mind), Speaker, and International Best-Seller Author. She supports entrepreneurs, managers, and teams who “have too many hats on and by that too much on their plate” to improve their wellbeing, relationships, and peak performance. How? Through unmasking their mental self-sabotage (negative, hindering thoughts) and establishing easy, good habits.
As only 1 out of 5 people use their (mental) potential, and 6+ hours of your day are based on oftentimes unconscious habits, this is a game-changer. By training 3 brain muscles and good habits, you establish your mental fitness (positive intelligence) and supportive behavior. Doing so, you feel happier and better in your body. You live healthier relationships with your team, clients, and family. You improve peak performance due to a clear head, focus, and (self-)empathy especially when e.g. feeling stressed, angry, or insecure.
Eva Gruber founded 3 ventures and supported hundreds of challenged people. She is trained by and collaborates with leading researchers and experts, like Professor BJ Fogg PhD (Stanford University) or neuroscientist Shirzad Chamine (Positive Intelligence). She has been featured as a speaker at events like TEDx and podcasts, as an author, and an executive contributor for entrepreneurship magazines like Brainz or SHEconomy. She lives in Vienna/Austria with her French fiance, her yoga mat, and an adventurer’s mind.
