Worried Your Journey Of Self-Development Will Break Your Marriage?
Updated: Sep 20, 2021
Written by: Claire Michelle Ward, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Six years ago, I stepped into the world of self-development. My mental health had taken a turn for the worse again. I went to the doctor and got some anti-depressants for the third time in my life, but this time they didn’t help, in fact they made me a whole lot worse. So, what to try next? I knew I needed to do something, or my brain was going to implode, and I was truly exhausted of always ending up back in the same place. That is when I started to look for a different way to help myself.
I found an exciting new world where people told me I could change my life. I could be in control. I could create my life and live my dreams. I was in!! The only thing was my husband wasn’t.
I craved change, I wanted our lives to be different and I thought that meant he had to be different too. I thought that he had to be on board with me, that he had to learn what I was learning. I found it so frustrating when I wanted to talk about our dream life, what that would look like for us, and he just couldn’t see it. He didn’t want to have those types of conversations. I felt like I was banging my head up against a brick wall. I was worried it was going to come between us and we would grow apart, after all I was setting myself on this new path and surely for us to create the life of our dreams we had to be on the same path? I was so wrong.
The thing is you can never do anything about anyone else. You can’t make decisions for them. You can’t make them want what you want. You can’t make them want change. The only person you can ever do anything about is yourself.
I was given good advice early on in my journey, to focus on myself and my own transformation which would, in turn, have an impact on those around me. I found this hard to believe in the beginning, especially as I didn’t understand the energetics behind everything but believe me when I say this - it works!!
I have transformed myself. I have learned to love and accept myself. I have healed my wounds, well many of them, not sure I will ever heal everything in one lifetime but that is a conversation for another day!! I am so much happier within myself and live to love. What this has done for my relationships, in particular my marriage, is astounding.
The thing is, when you are miserable, frustrated, hating on yourself, living in those dark places within, you project this onto others.
When you feel like this you are quick to anger, you have no patience, and you are most likely living in a state of blame and shame. A classic example of how this played out in my marriage was when I had something I wanted to discuss with him, I would ruminate over it all day. I would think about it over and over, guessing his how he would feel and reacting to his supposed opinion. By the time the poor guy came home from work I had fallen out with him in my mind countless times and would react towards him as if he had done something wrong. As he is not a mind reader, he would have no idea what the hell was going on which resulted in arguments and us not talking to each other for days.
Another thing to consider is that we are energetic beings, and everything is energy around us and within us. When you are living in such a negative state, this is the energy you are putting out and what others feel from you. Think of a time you have walked into a room, and someone has been having an argument beforehand, you can feel it, there is that saying, “you can cut the atmosphere with a knife”. Well that my friend is energy, and it does not feel good, you can feel your mood dropping and you become more irritable yourself. We have the power to affect others at an energetic level, causing them to feel good or bad.
When you transform yourself from the inside and you start living from a place of love, your energy changes. You become a ray of sunshine. You have more patience; you have more compassion. You learn how to communicate in a more loving way with yourself and others. When you talk to others with love and compassion, guess what? They respond back with love and compassion. You become someone people want to spend time around because it makes them feel good. They see how happy you have become, and they can’t help but want some of it too. It can’t help but affect those around you, and when that happens, those conversations around your hopes and dreams become more natural and more regular.
My personal journey of self-development has not damaged my marriage. Yes, there have been many challenges along the way, but it has not driven us apart, in fact, it has done exactly the opposite. We are more together than ever before. We are more in love than ever before. We have big dreams and hopes for our life together and have the most amazing conversations. In fact, after years of listening to me (even though I thought he wasn’t) he has changed the way he sees things and now even instigates many of those conversations. It has helped us create a deeper connection to each other. The thing is, we are so much more powerful than we realise, we can have a huge impact on the people around us.
It all started with me! Improving the relationship I have with myself, led to improving the relationships I have with others. When you learn to love and accept yourself, it changes the way you behave towards people, and it shows them what is possible for their own life. I believe when everyone learns to love and accept who they are, we will live in a much better world, which is why I am so passionate about helping people to empower themselves to get there.
If you want to change the world, you need to be that change. Learning to love yourself is the greatest gift you can give to your loved ones. After all, you cannot teach them, what you do not know how to do yourself!!
Claire Michelle Ward, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Claire Ward is a wife, a mum of two beautiful children, a Holistic Empowerment Coach, and a Reiki Master Teacher, who teaches people to identify and let go of their self-judgment and self-criticism, so they can empower themselves and their families, leading them all to be emotionally and mentally strong individuals.
‘Only when you learn to love, respect and accept yourself, can you teach others to do the same’ – Claire M. Ward.
After more than 20 years of living a life inflicting pain and suffering on herself, and her family, Claire came to the realisation that the power to transform and heal herself was in her own hands all along, leading her on a journey into a new world of self-love and appreciation.
Seeing the transformation in her own life and the impact it had on her relationships, particularly with her husband and children, she realised the processes she used on herself would also work for them, enabling them to support themselves throughout life’s challenges. In that moment her passion and purpose became clear; to use her experiences and skills to guide other people along their individual paths to healing, giving them the skills and techniques needed to support themselves and their families.
Claire intuitively helps clients to discover the root of their pain and suffering, before selecting an array of healing tools and techniques specific to the client. This gives them the ability to take their healing power into their own hands and provides them with lifelong tools which can also be passed onto future generations.
For those wanting to take a deeper journey into the world of energy healing, Claire runs courses online and in-person in Level One and Level Two Reiki.
