When The World Says No – Say Yes
- Jun 26, 2023
- 5 min read
Updated: Jun 29, 2023
Written by: JL Keez, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Eating disorders – a form of mental illness – is one of those illnesses that seems to engulf, take hold and make it very clear that it is now in control. Life has changed, and this is how it will play out from this moment forward.
Bowing to its demands to consume little quantities of food, sip small amounts of liquids, and exercise to the Nth degree, the one impacted slides with great speed from thriving to barely there in a matter of minutes – or though it appears.
The victim calls out the word, “Why?” In response logicality evades and hence a journey of despair unfolds. The world yells back, “No!” and the “Yes” so desired disappears into a void of hopelessness.
But this is where a victim needs to gather what little strength remains to combat an illness steeped in mystery – to rise against the presenting odds. This is where a victim must acknowledge that this eating disorder is a manifestation of life events that taught damning messages now robbing the person of life, sensibility and health. This is where a victim must turn to the one who had walked this path, triumphed, and is ready to share the understanding acquired when they once struggled. It will be this person who supports the healing so “Yes” stomps over “No!” instead of yielding to the depths of dread now felt.
Life events experienced since conception contain messages as to how this thing called life apparently works. Where life events are filled with trauma, fear or misleading guides, character, health, the filter for life, and how one connects to life will be greatly influenced. Over time, the build up of damning guides takes its toll on the body; falling into an illness of some description inevitable. Our job is to acknowledge this is what is happening and to arrest the damage as soon as possible.
What does ‘arrest’ look like?
‘Arrest’ can be defined via exploration of the innate systems built into the human network. Physical symptoms, emotional load, behavioural indicators, and thought processes, coupled with exploring needs and wants, beliefs and values, will deliver a wealth of clues as to why “No!” currently rules over “Yes”. Together these clues will define a story demonstrating where the story of life and how it works went ‘horribly wrong’! Examining, redefining, asking for the truth of who we are as individuals, to replace the why we are in the present moment, will see solutions evolve.
Clues provide the understanding deserved. Clues are the wonderful little pearls of wisdom which had waited for this time to arrive. Clues are the friends to rely upon when transitioning from barely there to thriving once more is the path now undertaken.
So, if clues are the answers, what do we do with them once we have identified each?
We interrogate! This is the step-by-step process I I used to recover. I share this here:
Identify the clue eg, no one will like me
Examine the thought for truth eg, is this actually true, where did this idea generate from
Explore the emotion associated eg, depression
Examine the behaviour adopted eg, anorexia nervosa
Explore how this is impacting the physical body eg, tired, weak
As one truly explores the overall impact of the thought, and honestly unpacks it for truth, freeing oneself is possible. With the example shared, which was one of mine, I observed others. Gosh, so many shapes and sizes – and all being liked! Looks had nothing to do with being liked. Yet, here I was ruthlessly changing my appearance in the belief that in doing so friends would appear. During the exploration process I discovered this thought had been told to me while being abused.
“If you tell of this event no one will like you”.
From that moment on I carried this belief like a glove! With this thought impacting me I began to see rejection all over the place. My filter for life had been influenced badly. The more I believed this thought, the more I saw it played out in my life. In fact, my being rejected resulted from me believing it and hence creating it, but more importantly, as a ministers daughter who attended a different school every three years, who was a high achiever, top athlete and good looking, I discovered jealously ruled, peer group pressure reigned and rejection grew.
Gradually, I changed the fateful thought to, “I am liked for who I am’. I chatted to friends about this thought. In doing so, I discovered this was not a criteria for them as to how life works. Each had a different opinion regarding acceptance and what is was based upon. I had wasted so much life looking over my shoulder. I had wasted many days and nights living sadly. I had starved myself for no reason. As I explored each of my presenting clues I found similar outcomes. The thoughts I believed in for life were questionable! The influence of sexual abuse, strong family control, lack of friends due to THEIR jealously, and many misguided undisputed messages had highly contributed to the development of anorexia nervosa at age fifteen.
Fear was the ruling emotion. Fear lived in my thoughts, was reflected in my behaviours, and felt physically. Fear underlined my life in spades. So when recovery finally emerged, it was fear I battled with. That was the greatest hurdle of all. Fear generates fear, generates fear and so on. As I tackled one fear after another, and gained confidence when the supposed fear did not eventuate, I gradually released this emotion - along with the destruction it had been given permission to do over nine long years.
Recovery showed me some wonderful insights into the life of those whose lives are controlled by messages that destroy how we relate to living. Damning messages will develop into damning outcomes. Beautiful messages framed in unconditional love will develop into beautiful lives. Anorexia nervosa taught me numerous lessons – cliche I know – but when it was all over I was able to identify why and where it had all ‘gone horribly wrong’.
Understanding joined me… freedom joined me. Although the world had been cruel with its “No,” “Yes” found a way to become the dominant force of victory!
JL Keez, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
J.L Keez survived a nine-year struggle with anorexia nervosa. She endured years of mental illness, including suicidal depression, OCD and depersonalisation. Today, she is the Director of JL Keez Anorexia Unlocked, a passionate speaker, author and Thought Leader in her field. In her role as a Reality Therapy Coach and influential teacher she empowers others to heal their lives through delivering the understanding required to do so.
