What’s the “It” In “Keeping It Together”?
- Feb 8, 2022
- 3 min read
Written by: Eleanor Silverberg, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
What is the " It" in "Keeping It Together" when working includes caring for those who depend on you due to disability or illness? You, as a family caregiver, may think "it" refers to having the resources required to provide the best care. As a human being, you may think "it" means maintaining a healthy state of mind. As the author of Keeping It Together, I consider "it" in the context of you as a human being who is providing care, prompted by the action words of the 3-A Coping Framework: Acknowledge, Assess, Assist.
The Toll of the Role: Being a caregiver is work and depending on the needs, the job could require 24/7 attention. Even if the physical job is not around the clock, the worries could be around the clock. You may be worrying about a family member who lives alone and has limited mobility, resisting any help. Whether physically or mentally, caring for those significant people in your life can take "its" toll on you as a human being.
The First Step to Coping Well: There is no choice but to cope while caregiving. You do have a choice though on how you are going to cope. The first step is to commit to the intention of coping well. "It" takes on a new meaning when you acknowledge in facing reality, assess the impact on you, how you are reacting and assist with appropriate strategies. By doing so, you are empowered to self-monitor with self-awareness. In my book, in addition to the featured 3-A Coping Framework, there is also a 4th "A" ‒ allow. I have seen in my social work role how helpful it is for family caregivers when they allow themselves to be in uncontrollable situations rather than fighting it. In the practice of mindfulness, you are encouraged to allow things to be just the way they are while staying grounded in the present.
Prevent Losing "It": In most cases, the caregiving job comes to you rather than you coming to the job. Whether by choice or by default, you likely take on the role dutifully as an obligation, assuring that your family member receives the best quality care. If you are providing most of the care, you may do so by losing your"self" in the process as you become immersed in the role. By self-monitoring with self-awareness, you can assist by acknowledging and assessing if you are losing your"self".
Where is the humanity if "it" gets lost in the caregiving? "It" is remembering that you are only human. "It" is remembering yourself in the mix, treating yourself kindly with self-care, and allowing yourself to feel. In order to be an effective assisting caregiver for your family member, you have to be a caregiver assisting yourself as well. That includes reaching out to others for assistance as needed.
Back to the question...What is the "It" in Keeping It Together?
"It" is a juggling act to cope, providing care to the best of your ability without losing your "self" in the process. Acknowledge, Assess, Assist for yourself...
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Eleanor Silverberg, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine Eleanor Silverberg, founder of Jade Self Development Coaching, is a social worker, author, speaker and grief specialist whose intention is to help adults move forward stronger through diverse life-altering situational losses, applying the innovative 3-A Coping Framework she developed. Her specialty is assisting family caregivers of the chronically ill to cope and prevent burnout. Her mode of practice stands out as she combines existing grief models with conventional and practical strategies, featuring them in her books “Caregiving with Strength” and “Keeping It Together”. She has also created a modified mindfulness program in her book “Mindfulness Exercises for Dementia”. Eleanor holds a BA in Psychology, Master of Social Work, Certification in Bereavement Education, extensive training and practice in Mindfulness and over 20 years of Independent Grief Studies.
