Written by: Allison Castle, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Doing something different can be difficult. We create goals so we can be the best versions of ourselves. Maybe it’s eating healthier, exercising more, meditating, going to bed earlier, growing in our career or business, or spending less time on social media and screens. We may start a new habit, a new way of being to accomplish these goals, but no matter how hard we try, we fall back to the same habits we had before. Why does this happen? Why do our old routines and patterns feel so comfortable even when we know there may be something better for us?
Three Bigs Reason Change Can Be So Hard:
LOVE
SAFETY
BELONGING
Love, Safety, and Belonging are three basic needs we all have. They are three basic needs that impact the choices we make, the actions we take and the beliefs we have. They are three basic needs that shape our perception of ourselves, others and the world.
When we are trying to make the change, we will bump up against these three basic needs. These basic needs are likely already being met in some way, even if the way we currently feel love, safety and belonging may seem distorted or out of alignment with the things we would like to change in our life. There is a part of us that knows we can survive by doing the things we have already been doing that it is easier and more secure to keep the version of love, safety and belonging that we already know.
This part worries and wonders if these three basic needs will still be met when we are doing something different:
If we take the initiative to personally grow and our partner does not, will we lose LOVE because we are at different places and can’t relate anymore?
If we decide to start our own business, will we lose SAFETY because we could be taking financial risk?
If we adopt a healthier lifestyle that doesn’t include alcohol, will we lose BELONGING with our “happy hour” friends because it will feel awkward?
We do not have a crystal ball or any guarantees that these worries aren’t legitimate, but what we can do is allow the part of us that is worried about us losing love, safety and belonging to voice our concerns. What are they worried might happen? What/Who are they worried we might lose?
By acknowledging this part, we can work to create strategies to calm the concerns.
Maybe these strategies are all about communicating with our partners or “happy hour” friends. Maybe the strategy involves some financial planning.
No matter what the strategy is, by recognizing the potential threat to love, safety and belonging, by involving all parts of ourselves, by listening and giving voice to our inner conflict we create an environment of less resistance and more opportunity for success in making the changes we desire.
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Allison Castle, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Allison Castle is a Mastery Certified Transformational Coach, Meditation Teacher, and Certified Public Accountant. After years of following the "expected path", chasing the traditional standards of success, and coming up short on feeling successful or fulfilled, Allison created her Life Alignment Coaching Program to help women stop waiting until they reach that milestone (number on a scale, job title, income level, etc.) to finally find the feeling of fulfillment and success that they have been working so hard for. Her mission: Don't wait for the destination. Enjoy the Journey!
