Written by: Brooke Summer Adams, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
As it’s now February, you’ve probably noticed a heavy content focus on the love we have for the people around us.
Brooke Summer Adams (Internationally Accredited Transformation Coach, NLP Master Practitioner and Yahoo Finance Top 10 Female Life Coaches 2021) is here today to change the narrative and switch the focus to love we have for ourselves.
Drawing from years of experience helping women transform the relationship they have with themselves, the way they feel about themselves and nurture unconditional self-love, Brooke has laid out a simple 5 ‒ step process that you can use to fall head over heels in love with yourself.
After all, the one person you can guarantee who will be in your life forever is YOU.
When it first comes to learning to love yourself, it can be very helpful to approach the situation in the same way you would when learning to love another person.
If you give some attention to the relationships you have in your life, you’ll notice that the way you feel about someone is affected by the relationship you have with that person.
If the relationship is poor, if this person brings you negativity or stress or you don’t enjoy being around that person, chances are, you won’t feel too fond of them. But for the most part, when the relationship is great ‒ we hold that person in very high regard.
If you now spend some time thinking about the way you feel about yourself, you’ll probably see some parallels in the relationship you have with yourself.
Let’s say you’re using consistent negative self-talk, sabotaging yourself and not honouring your worth via people-pleasing. We can be pretty certain that the way you feel about yourself probably isn’t where you want it to be.
Think about it, if you had another person following you around throwing horrible negative comments at you, getting in your way and putting your needs last over everyone else in the room… Are you going to like that person? Probably not. Are you going to love that person? Almost definitely not.
In order to change the way you feel about yourself, you’ll want to change the relationship you have with yourself. Here is your process to do just that:
Step 1 ‒ Self Discovery
It’s a lot easier to fall in-love with someone when you know who it is you’re falling in-love with.
It can be very easy to disregard this one, on first glance of course we assume we know who we are…
But do you really? Do you know your deepest desires, your values, your dreams, your why?
Spend some time truly getting to know yourself and you’ll find that developing your relationship becomes a whole load easier. We love most the people we understand most deeply.
Step 2 ‒ Focus on the bits that are easy to love
If you were asked to describe the person you love most in the world, chances are you would list off a long list of positive attributes justifying why that person is so amazing and thus, why you love them so much.
However, generally, when we are asked to describe ourselves.. the focus tends to be dialled in on our flaws.
Now the truth is that, both you, and the people you love most will have a combination of things that make them amazing, and their flaws. The difference is the FOCUS.
If you switch your focus to the things about yourself that ARE loveable over the things that you believe aren’t, your perception of yourself will change drastically ‒ and very quickly too.
Step 3 ‒ Bring awareness to the ways in which you’re already loving yourself
If you spend some time recalling the moments you felt most loved, you’ll notice that it comes from recognition of receiving love.
A friend telling you something you really needed to hear. A partner cooking you a meal. Your sibling helping you to run an errand.
We usually notice when another person is operating with us through a language of love, but are you noticing when you do it with yourself?
How many times a day do you tell yourself something you needed to hear? Cook yourself a meal? Get something done that you wanted to?
How often are you already supporting yourself, caring for yourself and loving yourself on a daily basis without even realising it?
As a minimum, each and every day you’ve kept yourself alive.
Recognise the ways in which you are already loving yourself on a daily basis, just like you would if another person had done these things for you.
Step 4 ‒ Sort out your self-talk
This is really just a habit. As you begin to switch your focus to those parts of you that are easily loved and the ways in which you’re loving and supporting yourself ‒ and you’ve got a deep understanding of who you are ‒ the identity beliefs you hold about yourself will begin to change. Naturally, you’ll find that your self-talk will change with it.
In the meantime, begin working on your self-talk habits. If you notice negative self-talk, counter it with positive self-talk. After a short amount of time you would have changed the habitual self-talk that your brain automatically opts for. Again think about this like a relationship, it’s much easier to love someone who speaks kindly to you.
Step 5 ‒ Make the first 4 steps a habit ‒ developing the relationship deeper
When you first start this work, you may find that it can feel somewhat forced. This is because you are consciously choosing to think in a new way. Overtime, this way of thinking will become natural, and you won’t have to exert the same amount of conscious effort.
There is a very simple exercise that can help you create your new habits of focus (naturally focusing more on the parts of yourself that you love, rather than the flaws, and noticing the ways in which you give love to yourself) and self-talk (talking to yourself positively rather than negatively).
As you’re going about your day to day life, add “because” to the end of your internal narrations.
Example:
“I'm now going to get the kids from school”
“I’m now going to get the kids from school BECAUSE I’m a caring mother”
“I’ll just get this one last job finished”
“I’ll just get this one last job finished because I’m a determined and committed person”
“Time to run a bath”
“Time to run a bath because I deserve to give myself this time to relax”
We do this naturally with other people. If someone else had gone to run you a bath you may quickly experience thoughts such as “aww how kind” or “they are so thoughtful”…
When we attribute someone’s actions to a positive aspect of that person, we FEEL that. We feel the kindness and the thoughtfulness that we attributed to that behaviour.
However, when it comes to ourselves, we don’t ever take our thinking this far. It’s just “Time to run a bath”.
Get in a habit of adding “because” on to the end of your inner daily narrations and you’ll begin to really FEEL the love that you have for yourself, and notice all there is to love about you.
If you’d like further guidance on developing the relationship you have with yourself, visit Brooke’s Free Facebook Group to explore expert training videos on each of these five steps.
People can connect with me via Email, Facebook, Instagram or my Website. Wherever you go you’ll find helpful training and info on things transformation. Read more from Brooke!
Brooke Summer Adams, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine Brooke Summer Adams is an Internationally Accredited Transformation Coach and NLP Master Practitioner. Rated 'Top 10 Female Life Coaches to Work With in 2021' by Yahoo Finance, Brooke runs her 'Best Self Blueprint' course, provides expert training in various online communities including her own, and works 1-2-1 with clients to help other women transform into the very best versions of themselves. Following her own personal transformation, Brooke acquired an honors degree in psychology, certification in coaching, business and NLP, an international accreditation in coaching and qualified as an NLP master practitioner in order to truly understand the process of transformation ‒ in a way that could be used to also change other peoples lives. This combination of study, practice and personal experience has allowed her to piece together a step by step process for moving someone from where they are, to where they want to be. Transforming mindset, self-esteem and lifestyle, this process can be applied uniquely to each individual to allow them to step into alignment with the person they've always wanted to become.
