The Pillers Of Effective Communication
- Brainz Magazine
- Oct 14, 2023
- 5 min read
Written by: Canse Karatas, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise
Ever had a disagreement with someone and wished you could have communicated better? Maybe you have felt you did not know how to express something and left a conversation feeling misunderstood. We’ve all been there. When emotions are high, hurtful things can be said and the aftermath of over analysis of ‘should have said this’ or ‘should have said that’ can be distressing. Effective communication are the foundations of healthy relationships, whether in a personal or professional capacity. It's a dynamic process that involves not only conveying information but also understanding, empathizing and connecting on an emotional level. However, the journey to healthy communication is often full of challenges, especially when difficult emotions come into play. Let’s explore the art of healthy communication, delve into strategies for navigating challenging emotions, and address what to do if someone cannot communicate properly.
Before diving into the details of healthy communication, let's first grasp its importance. It is the base of any thriving relationship. It fosters trust, promotes understanding, helps resolve conflicts constructively and can help you feel you have gotten your needs heard/met too. Whether it's expressing affection to a loved one, discussing a disagreement with a colleague, or addressing deep-seated issues, effective communication is key. Another important factor is difficult emotions. There may be occasions that we are just not in the right place to discuss something or alternatively we might need to express how we are feeling appropriately. These emotions encompass a wide spectrum, from anger and frustration to sadness or fear. When we experience these emotions, our ability to communicate rationally and empathetically can be compromised. Instead of responding thoughtfully, we may react impulsively, leading to misunderstandings and escalated conflicts.
Key strategies for healthy communication
Active listening: To communicate effectively, one must equally be a skilled listener. Active listening involves giving your full attention to the speaker, asking clarifying questions, and refraining from interrupting. It demonstrates respect and validates the speaker's feelings, fostering an atmosphere of trust.
Empathy: Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. It is a crucial element of healthy communication, especially when dealing with difficult emotions. Try to put yourself in the other person's shoes, recognizing their perspective and emotions.
Use "I" statements: When expressing your own feelings and concerns, use "I" statements and own your feelings or actions. For example, "I feel hurt when..." instead of "You hurt me when..." This approach takes responsibility for your emotions without accusing or blaming the other person, making it easier for them to respond with empathy. This can also help to not draw out defence mechanisms or point scoring.
Stay calm and composed: Difficult emotions can trigger a fight-or-flight response, leading to elevated heart rates and heightened emotions. To maintain healthy communication, practice deep breathing and mindfulness techniques to stay calm during the conversation. If someone raises their voice remain from this stance.
Use nonverbal cues: Communication isn't just about words; it also involves nonverbal cues such as body language and facial expressions. Be mindful of your nonverbal communication to ensure it aligns with your words and intentions.
Be open minded: When confronted with criticism it's natural to become defensive. However, defensiveness can escalate conflicts. Instead, practice being receptive to the other person's viewpoint, even if it challenges your own.
Revisit the discussion later: In heated conversations where emotions run high, it's sometimes best to take a break and revisit the discussion later. This allows both parties to cool off and approach the conversation with a clearer perspective.
Now, let's explore how to apply these strategies specifically when dealing with difficult emotions too
Address the emotions: When emotions are running high, it's essential to acknowledge them. For example, if someone is upset, start by saying, "I can see that you're feeling upset. Can you explain to me more where that’s coming from?". Validate their feelings too. Validating someone's emotions doesn't mean you agree with them; it means you acknowledge their feelings as valid and real. Statements like, "I can understand why you would feel that way" or "It's okay to feel angry about this" show empathy and create a safe space for expression.
Use gentle language: When discussing sensitive topics, choose your words wisely. Avoid harsh or accusatory language that may be triggering. Instead, opt for words that convey your desire for understanding and resolution.
Be patient: Difficult emotions can be complex, and it may take time for the other person to be fully open about something. Be patient and give them the space they need to articulate their feelings.
Offer support and reassurance: Reassure the other person that you are committed to finding a solution and that you value the relationship. Let them know that you are willing to work together to address the issue constructively.
‘I hate you’… *I shouldn’t have just said that*
While the strategies mentioned above are essential for healthy communication, there may be situations where one party struggles to communicate effectively. Potentially they might even say things that are hurtful. In such cases, be patient and understanding. Recognize that some people find it challenging to express themselves, especially when dealing with a lot. Show empathy and give them the time and space they need to gather their thoughts. By using open-ended questions this encourages the other person to share their thoughts and feelings as well as showing that you are invested in exploring resolution. Reassure that both viewpoints are significant and try reiterating the main topic rather than going into a tangent.
Healthy communication is a complex process that requires self-awareness, empathy and the ability to navigate difficult emotions. Whether in personal or professional relationships, the art of healthy communication empowers individuals to express their feelings, listen attentively and work together. By acknowledging and validating difficult emotions, using effective communication strategies, fostering an atmosphere of trust, we can navigate even the most challenging conversations with grace and respect. Ultimately strengthening our relationships and connections with others. When someone struggles to communicate properly there are adjustments in how to approach a conversation that can be considered. Some of the most difficult conversations can be life changing and actually enhance the relationship to a different level of depth.
Hopefully this blog has got you thinking and made you question things. If you feel you would like to explore in more depth, please get in touch for free initial call to help put you at ease and discuss what you would like to get from therapy.
Canse Karatas, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Canse Karatas, has her own Counselling & Psychotherapy Private Practice. Has 10 years experience working for a range of services with a variety of issues like abuse, anxiety, depression, loneliness, low confidence, schizophrenia, self-harm, suicide and much more. She also worked in a Therapeutic Community which was DBT focused with ladies who have a personality disorder. Canse is Passionate about mental health awareness and actively seeks ways to help people. Her therapeutic influence is from an Integrative Approach mostly linked to Humanistic, Relational & Creative ways of working. Being mixed race she really values diversity and open-mindedness. Canse believes that we all have the resources within us to be the best version of ourselves for the future we deserve.
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