Written by: Dr. Dunni Atalabi, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
STOP letting fear hold you back!
Fear has caused us so much because we have allowed it to. We should however not feel bad but decide to hold ourselves accountable and prepare to take the bull by the horn.
I will share five steps by which you can stop letting fear hold you back.
Fear has been defined by many, as an acronym representing 'Face Everything And Rise' or in some places, 'False Evidence Appearing Real.' However you choose to describe fear, something that many have realised is every one of us experiences fear at one time or another in our lives.
We need to recognise that this is an inevitable aspect of being humans. We are faced by fear of the unknown, fear of others, fear of criticism, fear of failure, fear of loss, the fear of getting things wrong, and the list goes on.
As a mother, I face fear every day.
What is going to happen to my children? What if I am not here for them? What is going to happen if things go wrong?
We never know what is going to happen. But when we fear those unknown things that we think are going to happen, we are pushing ourselves into that future space, which is not really a great space to be with fear attached to it. It not only causes stress but also causes anxiety and worry.
If, however, you are afraid, because you have done something or experienced something in the past, and you are attaching fear to that experience or situation, you are setting yourselves up for sadness, guilt and even depression.
I do not know what you are going through at the moment. I, however, would share with you certain things that you can do at every given moment when you are faced with the emotion of fear, which is an inevitable part of human life.
1. Recognise it and see it for what it is.
Denying fear is the worst thing you can do. It is a form of suppressing the emotion which gives it more of a foothold and possibility for a comeback. This does not help.
When you recognise fear and see it for what it is, your clarity is improved. When you see fear, as the definitions I described at the beginning, either as the false evidence appearing real or face everything and rise, you start to recognise what power you have got. It will remove you from a place where you start to feel stressed and overwhelmed into a place where you feel empowered.
People fear the unknown. Many wars have been started because of the fear of the unknown.
When you are able to reveal the substance of something such as fear, you disarm it from its potential to cripple you. You disarm it from the potential to keep you shackled. You disarm it from the potential to hold you back. So recognise fear and see it for what it is.
2. Feel it and experience it.
You need to lean into the fear. Imagine yourself right in the middle of a storm
If you try to run away, you could get caught at the edge of the whirling part of the water body or air or whatever that storm is.
You then get wrapped into that powerful wave and could be turned around and thrown into a place you would rather not be. However, when you lean in and go into the eye of the storm, the calm is felt.
At a time when you are stressed or overwhelmed, leaning into the fear that you feel, helps you to experience a calm because you can see all the things happening around you, as the power and the energy of the waves are turning things around and causing a lot of breakage and disruption. At that moment when you stop and experience the emotion, you can observe things more closely because you are right in the eye of the storm.
3. Reframe your mindset.
The way we view situations, challenges or experiences is so important. Our mind is powerful in generating positive or negative thoughts and we are able to reframe it to generate the ones we desire.
You might have heard of a cup of water described as half-filled or half-empty. Those who describe it as half-filled are said to be optimistic people because they are focused on the ability to be filled. However, those who say the cup is half empty, are probably more focused on the lack in that cup. And so they are termed as pessimistic.
Imagine that you can reframe your mind to add a pitcher of water to the picture. This creates the possibility that you can fill that cup at will. It indicates a sense of abundance, a sense of being able to grow, to give, to connect, to be. These are some of the superpowers we have that are covered in more detail in my book.
When we are focused on just surviving, we forget the use of our thinking brain, which helps us to not only survive, but thrive, grow, and become more than who we are at the moment.
Once you have reframed your thinking process and your perspective of the situation. You are ready for the fourth step.
4. Align your words with your thoughts.
When you are able to reframe the way you see fear and speak in alignment with a positive perspective, you send energy out towards your desired outcome.
Rather than asking questions like ‘why is this happening to me?’ you can speak ‘what is thins teaching me?’
Take those negative words out, speak positivity to yourself. Speak positivity to your situation, and speak positivity to your loved ones.
As a mum, when you are speaking positivity, even when things look as though they are crumbling, your children will see that. They will adopt such attributes, and they will see a positive change in their lives.
5. Take massive action.
The massive action that you are taking is a massive action that is aligned with your thoughts and your words.
What are those things you are going to do?
They could include research. Asking yourself questions like, Has anyone done this before? If someone has done this before, can I learn from them? Did they write a book? Do they have a podcast?
We need to learn from those ahead of us, those around us who have come through on the other side, with experience, tactics, tools and strategies.
As we learn, we take action. It is said, knowledge is potential power. It becomes power when you take action.
So with your hands shaking, palms, sweating, knees, knocking, limbs trembling, TAKE ACTION NOW!
I did mention a book earlier. It is Every mum is a supermum: Breaking free from overwhelm and exhaustion.
This book is available on Amazon in Kindle and paperback. Go ahead and get your copy. Share with someone. You do not know whose day you will be brightening up by what you have learned today.
Connect with me on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, Twitter, Pinterest, Youtube, and visit my website for more information!
Dr. Dunni Atalabi, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Dr. ‘Dunni is a life & wellbeing coach, family doctor, international speaker, teacher, author, entrepreneur, and mum who empowers mums to eliminate the feeling of overwhelm and exhaustion by tapping into the super powers within while enhancing overall wellbeing so that they can live the life of calm and abundance they desire and deserve. This became her mission following the death of her father, her journey through grief, and her desire to promote wellbeing even when grieving.
She is passionate about mums not only because they deserve holistic wellbeing because of the myriad of roles they perform but because they are beacons showing their children and people around them how to enhance their overall wellbeing in mind, body, soul, and spirit.
She is proficient in using natural, scientific, and medical wellbeing concepts to explain in simple terms practical ways and strategies to avoid ill health and promote overall wellbeing. This is made available by provision of online courses, written content, books, coaching, and regular events such as challenges where practical self-care and wellbeing strategies and tactics are shared to enhance holistic wellbeing on a daily basis.
