Written by: Kelsay Elizabeth Myers, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Have you ever felt like you are living your life in black and white instead of the vibrant, full spectrum of colors? I’ll make a confession to you. I used to feel that way. When I was a little girl, I would jump up on the bathroom counter, find a comfortable position around the sink and sit just looking at myself in the mirror, getting lost in what I imagined I would want to see and who I wanted to be when I was older. As I got older, I began taking selfies I would filter in black and white because it looked more artsy, more sophisticated, closer to the ideal version of myself I had in my mind: a glamorous diva, the Asian Madonna, my own LIFE Magazine feature, or whatever else captured my fancy, further getting lost in the beauty of the created image, the self-reflected me who was hiding from the realness and messiness in all the shades that exist in this life. It’s like that Kristin Martz quote: “We lose ourselves in the things we love. We find ourselves there, too.”
I’ll be honest. I still love black and white photos, and I still spend a good amount of time staring at myself in the mirror, or the image of me that appears reflected in the windows or sliding glass doors in my apartment. Being an entrepreneur and online coach also requires I take a fair amount of selfies or talking head videos and keep posting them on social media! The difference is that I no longer lose myself in looking. I don’t avoid the realness and full range of colors in life. I am present in my day-to-day experiences and present for the messes. Rather than living for a future me, I imagine seeing reflected back, I am living my life as I want to be living it right here and right now.
And what changed? It was a subtle, slow, but monumental change in the way I was looking at it. It was a process, and it’s taken me a lot of time, money and dedication to my own personal growth and transformation. When I was in it, I was looking at myself from one facet, but by seeing myself in various objects that represented each of those facets, I was able to enact and eventually become my own shapeshifting, multifaceted and vibrant wholeness.
The Steps to My Multifaceted Transformational Process
I used objects as a way to express aspects of myself that needed healing, growth and transformation. The first object I found to represent my own core wounding was the mirror itself—a site for me to discover who I am and who I am not. I could literally look at my reflection and imagine or recreate the ideal future version of myself looking back. We know mirrors distort our reflections to begin with. The way the glass is cut creates concave or convex mirrors that do not reflect a real representation back to us, and human beings also see what we choose to focus our attention on. I took that distortion and focus to new levels by imagining Madonna’s face as my own or seeing a future version of myself dancing to Henry Mancini’s “Moon River” with the person I love as I watched Carrie and Mr. Big do on the TV screen. Twenty years later, the mirror/TV screen became my metaphor for the creative power of identity construction, and I did dance with the woman I love not to “Moon River” but to Engelbert Humperdinck’s “The Last Waltz,” and even though the experience was not an exact replication, it was a mirrored image.
I became settled enough in my body to be in the present without needing to get lost in the future or the past. My own experiences learning and settling my nervous system through many different integrative somatic trauma therapy, expressive arts therapy, narrative therapy and embodiment practices inspires me in my life and in my own healing arts business every day. Until I became regulated and discovered my own inner resources to ground and center, to resolve or release, and to activate and settle, I couldn’t allow myself to fully be in the present moment.
I reconnected with the joy and creative power I experienced when I was a young girl creating new worlds for myself within those mirrors and let go of comparing the fantasy to the reality of my life. I was able to fall in love with many things: waking and falling asleep with the sunlight, the scent of coffee and rose petals brewing, cat cuddles, listening and dancing to my playlist of songs that have uplifted me since childhood, and being inspired by the way life is constantly changing and shifting.
I learned how to let go of my need to know everything and control my life and simply be in the flow of it. Being inspired by constant change and shapeshifting was challenging for a control freak like I used to be. Staying with the objects and metaphors long enough for them to shift, release, change and grow allowed me to not only see, but also feel emotionally and at the sensate level, that each time it was okay. I could trust the transformative process. Mirrors became kaleidoscopes of fragmented colors and mosaics that then became a lighthouse, and I was the lighthouse shining forth my light to attract new pieces. Swords of truth became soft feathers and then flower petals of beauty. Bowler hats became wings and modern kimonos, and I don’t need to know more than that right now. I enjoy being in this process.
If my multifaceted transformational process appeals to you, I offer it in individual coaching sessions and longer-term coaching programs that allow people to shapeshift, grow and go after what they want in life with passion, confidence and trust in their own wisdom, voice and ability to navigate the complexities of identity in our contemporary world through my business, Dialogical Persona Healing Arts. You are in the questions that you ask, in the colors of your world, and in the dialogues that make up your life experiences: the things you love, the things you wonder about…these details make up your multifaceted self.
Kelsay Elizabeth Myers, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Kelsay is a professional writer, artist, and registered somatic movement educator (RSME) with the International Somatic Movement Education and Therapy Association. She is passionate about trauma healing and restoring connection to ancestral roots and wisdom for a fuller sense of self and creative expression. As an expressive arts coach and founder of Dialogical Persona Healing Arts, LLC, she helps people from all over the world that want freedom from inner blocks holding them back embody resources to transform their lives with soul-based expressive arts programs and courses. The mission of her work is to hold space for the full expression of a living, vibrant and multifaceted self through the embodied arts. She has trained with Tamalpa Institute in the Life/Art Process, Clean Language facilitation through The Academy for Soul-based Coaching and Integrative Somatic Trauma Therapy approaches.
