Written by: Nancy Elliott, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
They tried to make me go to Rehab! I said, "Yes! Yes! Yes!"
Being a single woman can be challenging, lonely, and humiliating for everyone. But if you are a highly accomplished woman, it can feel particularly shaming.
Whether you have a killer body, a fast-paced entrepreneur, make a mean Coq au Vin, or head up a billion-dollar empire. The pain of single life affects us all at times.
For the high-achieving woman, being single with all of her spoils can feel like God is up there, rubbing salt, spa-like fashion, into the core of her single girl wound.
“Many successful women are not in a couple. You are not alone. Don’t believe the hype!”
She may ask herself, “What's wrong with me. I have so much to offer. Why am I still single when my friends and everyone else is coupled up?” Understandably, this is a very confusing and painful place.
If you are one of these women, the first thing I want to say to you is it’s time to let go of this limiting belief. It is a myth that does not empower you and is simply not true.
I have been a Psychoanalytic Psychotherapist and Coach for almost 10 years and have worked with many single high-achieving women. Many of these women were also challenged by the task of attracting and sustaining healthy, lasting love.
Such women know that they can find a man, even a husband, at the drop of a hat. The key for them is to find a healthy, peaceful, happy, exciting, and sexy relationship with a King of a man.
Not just someone to settle with. So take a deep breath, channel Yvonne Elliman, and repeat after me, “If I can’t have you, I don’t want nobody, baby!”
Now that’s out the way, the question still remains. Why are you single? What are things that are not working in your relationships? Are there patterns you keep repeating? Or perhaps the problem is that no one can quite measure up to your exacting standards.
“So, the question remains, why are you still single? What are things that are not working in your relationships?”
Perhaps you are ready for Relationship Rehab. A place where we get to stop! To take time solely to identify the obstacles within us that are preventing us from attracting and sustaining lasting love.
I started the Relationship Rehab to get the bottom of what’s not been working in our relationships and why and put ourselves in the strongest position we’ve ever been to get the love we deserve. This is a super exciting proposition.
Why do you need a relationship rehab? Because whatever it is, and it's different for all of us, something is unsteadying you when you start developing feelings for someone. I understand this well. No matter how intelligent or successful you are, being in a relationship for some women and me who was one of them can mean losing herself and giving away a disproportionate amount of power to her man.
"Being in a relationship for some women can mean losing herself and giving away a disproportionate amount of power to her man. I know, I was one of them!”
She can become almost childlike, unable to identify or express her needs and set functional boundaries to ensure those needs are met.
There are several reasons why such a woman may struggle to find and sustain love. Sure, she’s had therapy, done courses and retreats on love, this woman has invested in her personal development.
Perhaps what’s missing is that all of her attempts at working through her relational problems have been targeted at healing the ‘Woman,’ when actually, it is the little girl that needs the healing and the one who is enacting toxic behaviors in her relationships.
Perhaps all the work she has done so far is taking place at the wrong level of analysis.
Powerful family therapist and best-selling author Catherine Woodward Thomas does some powerful work around relationships. According to Katherine, ‘Our trauma is in our bodies. Where we formed a traumatized somatic self, it is from there, we have generated the feelings and perceptions that caused havoc in our relationships.
Ladies, it's time to check into rehab? Let’s start at the root of the issue. That way, we will get the treatment right this time. Love is just around the corner.
“Sometimes we motivate ourselves by thinking of what we want to become other times we motivate ourselves by thinking about who we don’t ever want to be again.” — Shayne Niemeyer.
Nancy Elliott, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine Nancy Elliott is a leading Single women’s influencer specializing in relationships. She is a high-performing 1-1 and group Coach offering programs ranging from 3 months to 1 year. Nancy's childhood was shaped by 3 generations of women who struggled with low self-worth and co-dependency. She inherited these traits and struggled with relationships. Determined to break this family cycle, Nancy created strategies, tools, and techniques to dramatically enhance and cultivate a strong and loving relationship with herself. She has since dedicated her life to helping women deepen self-love and self-worth; also to deepen wisdom and expand their capacity to love and be loved. Nancy says, "When a woman releases egoic structures of grandiosity or victimization, she experiences a psychic and somatic shift, from victimized or traumatized self, to an intentional and generative relationship with herself. She will automatically begin to show up powerfully, with new stronger boundaries. This is when the magic begins, from this deeper center, and now she can create the extraordinary relationships she always knew she was capable of” And so it is.
