Written by: Rita Trotter, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
There are so many things that we’re taught from a young age that we should feel guilty about. You shouldn’t eat certain foods because of your size, you shouldn’t be enjoying that drink because it’s empty calories, and don’t even think about having another piece of cake you already had. We all know the drill. Women are constantly feeling guilty about our bodies, life habits, success, our stand in society and so much more.
It can be exhausting to constantly feel like you’re doing something wrong or not measuring up to some ideal standard of what a woman should be. The truth is that we aren’t perfect, and it isn’t always easy to live up to these expectations.
Maybe you don’t have time to volunteer or you haven’t seen your best friend from high school in forever. Or maybe you feel guilty because you haven’t gotten around to calling your mum back yet or you haven’t sent your dad that article on retirement he asked for. But the source of that guilt can vary widely, both in degree and type.
Guilt can be an emotionally painful experience that can make us feel like terrible people. But it also serves as a reminder that we are human and imperfect. Fortunately, there are ways to manage guilt in healthy ways and even use it as motivation for positive change in our lives. In this blog post, we explore some common sources of guilt among women.
1. The Way You Look
Every woman’s body has its own shape and build, and there is nothing wrong with that. There is no such thing as a “perfect” body. The idea of the “perfect” body is a very manufactured concept that exists in society and not in real life. What seems to be in vogue at one moment can be “out” the next. Whatever body type you have been given, you don’t need to feel guilty about it. Feeling guilty, ashamed, or embarrassed about your body type makes no sense. What’s important is that you are holistically healthy inside and out.
Studies show that women who have babies are more likely to become overweight or obese than women who do not have children. This is because a woman’s metabolism slows down after giving birth, so it takes longer for their body to lose weight after pregnancy. Bringing a child into this world is part of being a woman, and seeing differences in your body during and after pregnancy is normal.
However, you don’t have to be overweight to feel guilty about your body. Studies also show that women who are slightly overweight tend to feel more guilty than those who are underweight. Regardless of whether you are thin or heavy, all women need to learn how to accept themselves for who they are and what they look like.
So many people have gone through what you have and they are living healthy lives now! Don't let being overweight hold you back from living your life to its fullest extent! You can still do anything that anyone else can do as long as your body is healthy enough to carry out any activity.
Don't feel guilty about how much money it costs to take care of yourself because, in reality, it should not matter what other people think about your effort to look good and feel healthy. Go to the gym, buy the clothes you like, invest in skincare, and go for a massage or manicure/pedicure. Don’t feel guilty for helping yourself look and feel good.
2. The Food You Eat
This may seem like a simple statement, but it's one I've repeated over and over again to my clients over the years. The power of this concept cannot be underestimated. When you realize that food is just fuel, it's easier to stop beating yourself up for eating something "bad." You don't have to feel guilty about having a slice of cake or a cookie at work after your lunch break.
There are many ways in which the body responds differently to different types of food. A few of them are listed below.
Some foods are easier to break down than others.
Raw foods are broken down much more quickly and easily than meat that has been cooked.
Some foods are more likely to cause allergic reactions than others. While peanuts and eggs are the most common allergies, they are not the only ones. Many foods have the potential to cause allergies.
Some foods are easier to digest than others. Some foods, like corn, are harder to digest than others because they have a harder outer covering.
We often hear about good and bad foods. While some foods are better for you than others, there are very few foods that are good or bad. Instead, almost every type of food is neutral in one sense or another. This means that the only difference between one type of food and another is their amount of calories, fat, and sugar.
3. Doing less
We’re expected to do everything be the superwoman, work hard at our jobs and be great mothers. And once we miss out on the standard responsibilities the society has placed upon women, guilt comes in.
Women have continued to take on more of the domestic burden. As of 2017, women still do about 85 percent of all household work worldwide, not to mention most women today opt to have a full-time job while juggling being a mother and a wife. The truth is that the reason you feel guilty when you have less work isn't because of the amount of work itself it's because of how much other people are doing and the work other people expected from you. We are conditioned to associate guilt with a lack of productivity and we should break this kind of mentality.
While it's true that women are often better at delegating tasks, we are also more likely to experience depression, anxiety, and burnout than men all of which can be caused by feelings of fatigue and stress, not to mention Postpartum depression.
The next time you're feeling tired, stressed, or overworked, think back to your ancestors. A woman's body is designed to handle a wide range of physical and emotional stress. But when stress becomes chronic, you need more breaks and less work to recover your energy and maintain your health.
4. Doing more
Society stereotypes women as someone who needs to be in the background and can't achieve much. As a result, we feel familiar guilt when we achieve something. This is an idea conceived since time immemorial to boost patriarchy and promote male superiority (to be thorough, I guess sexism is the right term here). However, the contemporary world has now recognized the capacity of women to be on top of the game.
I have seen this a lot with my female friends and relatives who have started feeling guilty about achieving more than what is expected from them by society. They start feeling guilty about pursuing their dreams, chasing success, stepping out of their box, and making a name for themselves in the world. But the world is changing, and women are taking a more active role in society today.
You can do more than a man because you are as capable as one. If you want to start your own business or become a CEO of a big company, then go ahead and do it! In fact, women are the fastest-growing segment of entrepreneurs in the United States. While they still account for only a small fraction of all business owners, women-owned firms have increased by more than 40 percent since 1997, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics.
The growth is fueled by several factors, including increased educational opportunities and changing attitudes about work-life balance. Experts say one of the biggest reasons for this growth is that women are becoming more comfortable putting their names on the door or at least sharing them with male partners or spouses.
"There's a lot more visibility for successful women," said Ellen Galinsky, president, and co-founder of Families and Work Institute in New York City. "More women are thinking about taking risks."
Women are on the rise today. Take your space in society and don’t feel guilty for all the success you deserve.
5. Expressing your Feelings and Being Heard
The battle for women's rights is far from over. The gender gap in the workplace is still a major issue, and women are still paid less than men. Even more discouraging, women are often reluctant to speak out or express ideas and feelings in the workplace because they fear being labeled as "too aggressive."
According to a recent study by Harvard Business Review (HBR), which surveyed nearly 3,000 men and women in Australia, Brazil, Canada, China, France, Germany, India, Mexico, Russia, South Africa, and the United States, many women feel pressured to act like "one of the boys" at work. In fact, many women reported feeling pressure to conform to masculine standards of behavior at work. And while they don't want to be perceived as "bossy," they also don't want their male colleagues to think that they're not good team players and collaborators.
The HBR survey also found that some women felt guilty about speaking up or taking credit for their ideas and accomplishments because of the negative stigma surrounding female ambition. It's not a bad thing that women are good listeners and supportive at work. But when it comes to expressing ideas and feelings in the workplace, this can get in the way of being heard, which is why many women feel guilty about speaking up and voicing their ideas.
The truth is, there's nothing wrong with being a woman who wants to bring her whole self into work including her voice.
6. That Time You Said No And Didn’t Feel Bad About It
The word "no" is a powerful thing. It's said to be one of the first words that babies learn to say, and it's certainly the first thing they learn to say when they're trying to get out of doing something they don't want to do.
As we grow older, we learn more about how to use our words but not always for good.
Women are socialized from a young age with the idea that saying "no" is rude. This makes women more likely than men to feel guilty about saying no, according to research from Harvard University published in 2006. And there are plenty of reasons why women should feel free to say no without feeling guilty or worried about harming someone's feelings.
You might just want some time alone, but don't want to hurt their feelings by turning down their invitation. You might not want sex right then and there, but don't want your partner to get upset because you didn't want him/her at that moment. You might want to take a break, but don’t want to be labeled as a lazy mother or woman. There's also the fear that maybe you need this person more than you realize because you could use his/her help with something important like finishing your work on time.
It's not just about saying no to your boss or saying no to your spouse. It's about saying no to yourself. Saying no can help you set boundaries in relationships, at work, and even with yourself.
You don't have to do everything. You don't have to take on every project or responsibility that comes along just because someone asks you to do it. And if someone is trying to guilt-trip you into doing something, stand up for yourself! Get used to being comfortable saying no.
In the end, the whole point of this article is to remind you that there are so many things in life you don’t need to feel guilty about. As women, it seems as if we enjoy feeling bad about ourselves. We often try to live up to a certain image, and we punish ourselves when we don’t measure up. But that’s not healthy, and it’s not true either. If you’re feeling bad about not having a clean home or an ideal diet or spending too much time with friends at this exact moment, chances are many other women feel the same way.
So if you find yourself feeling guilty about anything else, try to let it go! You are allowed to enjoy yourself, and do what makes you happy.
Rita Trotter, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
My passion, work, and philosophies focus on the joy factor, self-acceptance, physical and emotional cohesion, and authentic wellness and I enjoy sharing my wisdom for all that is connected to a successful and healthy life. My foundation in women’s health comes from my own struggles with weight, sleep, energy, productivity, and health and my passion to share this with the whole female collective. I am a Personal Trainer, Nutrition Coach, Behaviour Change Specialist, Long Covid Rehabilitator, Women’s Hormone, and Pre and Post Natal Specialist, Health for Business Coach, published author of three globally selling books, and the creator and facilitator of The Self-Health System Programmes.
