Written by: Tatjana Gaspar, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
The human being is meant to build relationships – and is naturally destined to live in social and cultural communities. In this respect, we differ only slightly from our animal relatives. However, thanks to the ability to plan and make conscious decisions, we can largely determine how we shape our lives and in which socio-cultural environments we choose to live. Animals can't do that. When one is cast out from the community, it becomes defenseless and easy prey. This sudden loneliness usually means certain death. Unlike animals, we humans can resign ourselves to living in solitude for a period. However, this doesn't automatically mean we are lonely, nor does it mean that we don't socialize.
Loneliness is a mental health issue, a severe disruption that impairs in the long run our ability to relate to ourselves and interact with fellow human beings. (According to Pro Mente Sana, a Swiss organization that deals with mental health issues, an alarming one-third of the Swiss population suffers from occasional or chronic loneliness.) This tends to go along with a painful sense of vulnerability or low self-worth. Sometimes it is caused by acute dramatic events, such as bullying or the loss of someone close. But the reason can also lie in a chronic deeply rooted insecurity, anxiety, or shyness that we can neither overplay nor easily suppress or eliminate on our own. The nagging feeling that we are insufficient, out of place in the presence of other people, misunderstood or rejected, makes us uncomfortable in our skin and draws us into a negative spiral.
The COVID pandemic has exacerbated the problem of loneliness in our society. When we were all confined to our own four walls, virtual space, and social media, direct contacts were limited, and the future appeared uncertain. Many of us maintained a positive spirit, found energy for spontaneous creativity, and developed new ideas of belonging and socializing at a distance. But many others felt paralyzed, interrupted in their professional and human dynamics, and unable to cope.
Feeling powerless in the face of fate is very scary and can lead to numbness. The longer we stare the problem in the eye, the harder it is to get out of it. Ultimately, the feeling of not being socially integrated can have an impact on our physical and mental health. While thousands of lifehacks on social media show us how to improve physical well-being or teach us something new, there is no best practice to be found on how to prevent loneliness and its effects on us. However, there are measures that we can take proactively to try and avoid this trap in the first place. While loneliness is not our fault, early awareness that it can happen to almost anyone is key. That’s why it is important to take small steps of responsible preventive action early on, acquire healthy routines throughout life, and take on challenges by regularly leaving our comfort zone. But what does it mean?
Here are some questions. If answered honestly, they can be indicators of the direction that you are likely taking:
1. Start by checking your energy level
Do you normally feel upbeat and adventurous? Are you curious to learn and try new things? Do you consider yourself an active person with a lot of initiative? Are you someone who often brings ideas to the table rather than expecting others to do so? Do you consider yourself a leader, a follower, an observer, or someone who prefers to keep to themselves?
2. How is your positivity doing?
Do you look forward to starting fresh every morning? Is your glass mostly half-full? Do you feel and express thankfulness and appreciation for the gifts and blessings in your life? Is it easy for you to focus on the solutions rather than the problems? Are you often taken over by fear that something bad will happen?
3. What about your ability to trust yourself and others?
Do you enjoy the direct contact and communication with others, or does it feel overwhelming? Are you confident and do others perceive you as confident? Is it natural for you to regard others as your peers and treat them at eye level, trusting that they will surprise you in a good way? Do you recover fast after someone disappoints you or does it through you off balance for a long time?
4. How do you typically communicate and what do you project?
When you talk, do you look the other person in the eyes, or do your eyes drift around? Does your communication happen above all through social media? Do you like to make a statement through your appearance, or are you more comfortable when you don’t attract attention? Do you walk with your head high, absent-minded, or looking down, e.g., at your smartphone?
Among the many recommendations that I could make for responsible preventive action, based on personal experience or observation, I would choose two:
A. To diversify and not limit yourself to one option only
Examples: Show interest and interact regularly with people of different cultural and social backgrounds, age groups, and genders. You learn from them, and they learn from you. Be the one who proposes encounters in presence, rather than online. At work, make yourself available for projects that showcase your competence and benefit your company or organization.
B. Exercise your body and mind by leaving your comfort zone
Examples: If you are nothing of a dancer, enroll in a dance class. If you are afraid of water, take a swim course. If you don’t like to speak in front of an audience, have a coach help you with your communication skills. If you know nothing about art, go buy a museum ticket and have an enthusiastic guide give you some explanations.
By now, you may be asking yourself what all this has to do with preventing the feeling of loneliness. Well, I am a firm believer that enhancing our interaction with many other (different) human beings, improving our knowledge about the world that surrounds us, and boosting our curiosity about what lies outside of our beaten track will help us remain in touch with our emotions and understand our own needs better. That, in turn, can help avoid the negative spiral.
If you or someone you love is at risk, this article is a small starting kit of best practices for home use.
I wish all the readers a peaceful holiday season and 2024 full of positive energy.
Tatjana Gaspar, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Tatjana Gaspar is a certified Systemic Coach and Online Trainer who uses methods that focus on the clients’ individual goals, thus aiming at improving their business or life situation. She is also the CEO of the Latin American Chamber of Commerce in Switzerland, where she organizes events, hosts webinars and is responsible for operational and financial issues. Before coaching, she spent 20 years in international wealth management and leadership positions with different banks in Zurich. Initially, Tatjana obtained a Degree in Hispanic and Russian Literature and History from the University of Geneva. She is a firm believer in life-long learning and fluent in seven languages.
