Written by: Lisa Hammett, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Do you ever feel like your brain is so full of junk that you can’t focus? You have so many thoughts swirling around in your head. There’s an ongoing checklist in your brain, maybe on paper too, that is never completed. You always have something to do. It’s exhausting and stressful.
Yep, this is me, often. Over the past few years, I’ve had to learn how to manage my thoughts in order to remain positive, productive, and release stress. I have a tendency to set very high expectations for myself. It’s one thing to hold yourself to a high standard. It’s another to hold yourself to an unrealistic expectation of performance. This is a form of perfectionism, which is actually a fear of rejection.
During a conversation with a fellow coach, I discovered that my tendency to set ridiculously high expectations of myself is a way of getting attention. This is a by-product of my relationship with my mother. She suffered from mental illness. I would describe my mother’s personality as one of two extremes. She was either incredibly happy, supportive, and loving, or she would shut me out completely. I remember a time when I was in Junior High School that she didn’t speak to me for a week. I had forgotten my parent’s anniversary. She reacted by treating me as if I didn’t exist. Growing up this was very confusing and upsetting. When she was in a mood, I would try to engage her in conversation, but would be ignored. In hindsight, I can see she was going through a difficult time and could not process her emotions in a healthy way. This behavior created a need in me to be noticed. What’s interesting, is I never realized this need manifested into unrealistic expectations of myself. This fear of rejection was so deeply buried that it took a coach to recognize the signs. As this situation illustrates, deeply rooted fears are often masked by layers of varying behavior. The noise in my head was telling me I had to accomplish an unrealistic amount of tasks. This noise was a reaction to a deeply buried fear of rejection.
Mental to-do lists are not the only form of noise. The news, social media, as well as other people’s opinions and expectations all, generate noise. With the invention of cell phones, instant messaging and Facetime, we have become too accessible. Unless we set healthy boundaries, others have access to us 24/7. Those closest to us offer opinions that generate stress. This is exacerbated by the news and social media, creating a toxic overload.
When I find my brain full of noise, including an unrealistic checklist of expectations, I recognize it’s time to reset. If this resonates with you, here are some tips for letting go of noise:
Take a moment to do some deep breathing. This will lower your blood pressure and help you to relax.
If you’re spiritual, pray. The act of letting go and surrendering toxic emotions to a higher being, is freeing and comforting.
Listen to soothing music. This can help quiet the brain.
Take a warm bath or shower.
Do a quick brain dump. Grab a piece of paper and write down all the thoughts that are swirling in your head. They don’t have to make sense. Jot them down anyway.
Go outside. Natural light is a mood elevator.
Go for a walk. Focus on nature. What do you hear? What do you smell? What do you see?
Call a supportive friend.
Drink a cup of decaf tea.
Close your eyes and visualize that you’re in your happy place. What does it look like? Notice your surroundings. Is it nature, people, or buildings you see? What do you feel? Is there a warm breeze caressing your skin? Do you hear birds chirping, waves crashing, etc.? What do you smell? Spend a couple of minutes in your happy place and then slowly open your eyes.
Things to avoid or limit access to:
Television and social media – Both can overstimulate the brain.
Caffeine – Caffeine is a stimulant. If you’re overstimulated, this will increase anxiety.
Processed sugar – Avoid sugary foods and beverages. Processed sugar is a stimulant. It may increase your energy temporarily but will act as a depressant when the affects wear off.
Alcohol – Alcohol is a depressant. It may relax you temporarily but will increase your anxiety in the long run. It can also prevent you from getting a good night’s rest.
Taking time to breathe and relax is a form of self-care. It is essential to overall health and well-being. When we take time to care for ourselves, reducing the noise, we can better care for others and be the best version of ourselves.
Over the past couple of years, I’ve made significant improvement in letting go of things outside of my control. When I feel myself getting anxious, I make a list of things within my control and outside of my control. I focus on those things I can impact, how I respond to situations and my choices. I let go of everything else. Sometimes there are a lot of prayers involved, as it’s not always easy. However, the more you practice this, the more equipped you become in handling the unexpected. Are you spending too much time and energy on things outside of your control? Are you anxious, stressed, depressed, or frustrated? Do you find it difficult to focus on the positive? If the answer is yes, it’s time to let go and focus on what you can control.
Here are some tips for letting go.
Focus on the positive. Start by practicing gratitude. What is one thing you’re thankful for? Keep a gratitude journal by your bed.
Practice mindfulness. Become aware of where you are and what you’re doing, without becoming overly reactive or overwhelmed by what’s going on around you. Be present. Approach your observations with curiosity, not judgment.
Visualize a desired outcome. Let go of what could go wrong.
Set boundaries. Be intentional about how you spend your time and who you spend it with.
Create a fear list. What are you most fearful of? Writing down fears brings them to light. Most often fears are unrealistic.
Get support. If letting go is a struggle, reach out to a close friend, family member, pastor, or coach.
Remember, you will have good days and challenging days. Appreciate that you’re a work in progress. Don’t pass judgment on yourself. Embrace where you are. After all, you’re human.
Lisa Hammett, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Lisa Hammett is a leader in health and wellness, stress management, and goal setting. After a 26 year career in the corporate retailing world, which left her stressed, burnt out, and at her heaviest weight, she left the industry for a successful 16-year career in direct selling. During this time she developed her love of coaching. She also started her health and wellness journey, losing 65 pounds, and has kept it off for 11 years. After losing the weight, she became a health coach, for a global wellness company, and has been coaching members for the past 9 years, to achieve their weight loss goals. In May of 2021 she launched her Success Coaching practice, to help individuals who were struggling with anxiety, depression, and weight gain due to the pandemic. Her business has since expanded to life coaching. Client success stories include: weight loss, improved health, stress reduction, creating a balanced life, development of sustainable healthy habits (mind and body), development of a laser focused Vision for goal achievement, building strong confidence, improved relationships, and business success. Lisa is currently writing her first book, "From Burnout to Best Life", which will be published later this year.
