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It Is Not About Getting What You Want – Our Happiness Is Much Deeper Than Our Desires

Written by: Maxime Bonnasserre, Executive Contributor

Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.


Our happiness is much deeper than our desires! Would you want to live a life where you get to be happy only when you have what you want? No! Yet this is mostly how we run our lives. Let’s explore the alternative!

beautiful cloud photo during sunset

The happiness that comes from outside stuff

Allow me to introduce you to a list of concepts that would make all of us happy.

If I could get that job, I’d be so happy! If I could earn a little more money, I’d be happy! If I could be with this type of person, I’d be so happy! If I could have this car, this house, now I’d be really happy! If I could do this trip for my next vacation, that would make me very happy! Isn’t the narrative that goes on in our minds? How has this worked for you so far? Are you happier? We often believe that when such a list gets fulfilled, we will be living a happier life. Anyone that accomplishes some of these elements or all of them, can surely reckon that it is unfortunately not the case. It’s not because we get to check all of these boxes that life becomes better! If it does, and quite honestly it does, the level of happiness that you feel is sadly not staying. It’s not staying because these are all external motivations to bring some joy into your life. But it's fleeting. Hence where should we start to get to enjoy happiness a little bit longer than when we get to check the box on that hedonistic stuff?

Happiness and joy are already there!

It seems to me anyways that happiness is not something I get to strive for but to seize. It’s already there, ripped and ready to be picked up to savour! The only reason we are not savouring it is because we allow it to be hidden by our own doings. Let’s say we are feeling pretty good and happy. You are in a good mood. Life is good! Suddenly something comes up, anything, and it triggers something within you that starts a whole process of feeling bad emotions, bad thoughts and so on. How are you feeling now? Pretty bad right?

Well, you were doing well and you were happy just before you got spark with something. Hence, is it fair to say that when we are able to not be bothered by what’s happening, we get to continue to experience the happiness that was already there?

I know this, because it has been my experience. On the other hand, when I’m fusing with my emotions and my thoughts, I feel a disconnection with my happiness. Use this analogy to really let it sink in. View the sun has happiness! We are experiencing and feeling its rays and we are perfectly happy with it. Now some clouds come in (an event) and it starts raining (the bad emotions and thoughts that we associate with the rain). At this point, we are bitching and swearing against mother nature! If life would be good with us, it would not rain. That type of speech. Meanwhile, the sun's still shining! We only have forgotten that behind the clouds and heavy rain. It’s still there giving off its rays of happiness.

How do we connect with the sun rays even when it’s dark?

Now we are talking! This is the essence of your spiritual journey, your life! We are here, and we are fully responsible for our happiness. I often remind myself that I’m the boss in here! Whatever the stimulus might be, I know I will have a reaction.

The gap between the stimulus and the reaction is where we play the game of life. We get to choose how we’ll dance with any event! It almost seems like they were presented to us specifically for us to press the right buttons! Some people will say that life is out to get them! Or that God is punishing us! Or that the universe conspires against us! I found that to be irrelevant! The truth is, you are experiencing life as it is unfolding. Why is it unfolding this way? Again irrelevant! Let’s call it: force of nature! What’s relevant is what we’ll do with it! Are we going to let outside events stir up within us a chain reaction that will set us further apart from happiness?

The Real Gift

When those situations present themselves, we should be thankful! They are a natural opportunity to heal what needs to be healed. Whatever that might be, let it go! It’s a thing of the past! You are capable of doing that!

I’m always reminded of the mother that asked to meet with his son's murderer! Upon meeting the man and inquiring about why he did what he did, she uttered the unexpected: “I forgive you!” If a mother can do that under such difficult circumstances, what could you do?

Sometimes it is us that we need to forgive. Having compassion for ourselves is a prerequisite on our journey back to love and great joy.

So, let me ask you again dear reader: “What is it that you really want?”


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Maxime Bonnasserre, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine

Maxime (Max) Bonnasserre is a life coach, spiritual teacher, speaker and writer. Not a guru, nor a master, he’s a simple loving man that got to free himself from his own worst enemy … himself!

His soul journey had him go through common themes: unworthiness, difficulties in relationships, financial struggles, pursuit of titles, money, possessions, a lack of meaning and faith.

It is the hero's journey through healing, growing and trust that saved him and that can help you! Inspired by ancient wisdom and spirituality, his teaching and coaching are simple but transformative. Meant to inspire and guide you towards more inner peace, freedom and love. Find him here!



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