Written by: Felice Mathieu, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Marriage, as a divine institution, is a journey that requires constant nurturing. A key element to this nurturing process is communication in marriage. It is the lifeblood that keeps the relationship thriving and the bond between the couple unbreakable. However, establishing effective communication in marriage can be a daunting challenge, especially in today's fast-paced world. This article aims to provide insights on how to improve communication in a Christian marriage, backed by biblical teachings.
Understanding the role of communication in marriage
Communication in a Christian marriage serves as the bedrock upon which the relationship flourishes. Whether verbal or non-verbal, communication allows couples to express their thoughts, feelings, and needs to one another, fostering a deep sense of mutual understanding and respect.
The art of verbal communication
Verbal communication is the use of words to convey messages. It's the avenue through which couples express their love, appreciation, frustrations, and dreams. However, the power of verbal communication goes beyond the words spoken. The tone of voice, the timing, and the context all play significant roles in how these words are received and interpreted.
The power of non-verbal communication
Non-verbal communication, on the other hand, involves conveying messages without words. It includes facial expressions, body language, eye contact, and touch. According to research, about 60-90% of all communication consists of these non-verbal cues. Thus, couples must be aware of their body language and other non-verbal cues when communicating.
The importance of effective communication in marriage
Effective communication in marriage is fundamental for several reasons:
Fostering mutual understanding
Effective communication allows couples to understand each other better. It helps to clarify misunderstandings and misconceptions, thereby reducing conflicts and promoting harmony.
Enhancing emotional intimacy
Through effective communication, couples can share their deepest thoughts, feelings, and desires, boosting emotional intimacy. This emotional closeness fosters a sense of safety and security in the relationship, strengthening the bond between the couple.
Promoting conflict resolution
Conflicts in marriage are inevitable. However, with effective communication, couples can navigate these conflicts constructively, fostering mutual understanding and respect, and ultimately, resolving the issues at hand.
Facilitating Personal and Spiritual Growth
Effective communication in marriage also promotes personal and spiritual growth. It allows couples to learn from each other, grow together, and become more Christ-like in their interactions.
Overcoming challenges in communication
While the importance of effective communication in marriage cannot be overemphasized, several challenges can hinder this process. These include:
Differences in communication styles
Every individual has a unique communication style shaped by factors such as personality, upbringing, and past experiences. These differences can sometimes lead to misunderstandings and conflicts.
Emotional and psychological barriers
Emotions, stress, and psychological issues can also pose significant challenges to effective communication in marriage. These factors can cloud judgment, lead to defensive behaviors, and hinder open and honest communication.
Lack of time
In today's fast-paced world, finding quality time to communicate effectively can be a significant challenge for many couples. Work, household chores, and other responsibilities can easily eat into the time couples should spend talking and listening to each other.
Embracing Christian principles for better communication
As Christians, we are called to emulate Christ in all areas of our lives, including our marriages. This involves communicating with our spouses in a manner that reflects Christ's love, patience, and understanding.
Practicing love and respect
"However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband" (Ephesians 5:33). Love and respect are foundational to effective communication in marriage. By expressing love and respect through our words and actions, we can foster an environment conducive to open and honest communication.
Embracing humility
In Philippians 2:3-4, we are admonished to "do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others." Humility is key to effective communication in marriage. It involves acknowledging our shortcomings, being open to constructive criticism, and prioritizing our spouse's needs and feelings over ours.
Practicing forgiveness
In Colossians 3:13, we are instructed to "Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you." Forgiveness is an integral part of effective communication in marriage. It involves letting go of past hurts and choosing to move forward in love and understanding.
Seeking God's guidance
In Proverbs 3:5-6, we are reminded to "Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight." Seeking God's guidance through prayer and the study of His Word can provide the wisdom and understanding needed to navigate the complexities of marital communication.
Implementing effective communication strategies
Adopting effective communication strategies can significantly enhance communication in marriage. Some of these strategies include:
Active listening
Active listening involves giving your full attention to your spouse when they are speaking, avoiding distractions, and providing feedback to show that you understand what they are saying.
Expressing feelings positively
Expressing feelings positively involves using "I" statements instead of "you" statements. For example, instead of saying, "You never help with the chores," say, "I feel overwhelmed when I have to do all the chores by myself."
Asking open-ended questions
Asking open-ended questions can foster deeper conversations and understanding. These are questions that require more than a simple "yes" or "no" response and encourage your spouse to share their thoughts and feelings.
Practicing patience
Patience is key to effective communication in marriage. It involves giving your spouse the time they need to express their thoughts and feelings and avoiding interruptions or rushing them.
Seeking professional help
If communication challenges persist, it may be helpful to seek professional help. A Christian counselor or a Christian marriage coach can provide guidance and practical strategies to improve communication in marriage.
In conclusion, effective communication in marriage is essential for a healthy and fulfilling relationship. By embracing Christian principles and implementing effective communication strategies, couples can build stronger, more intimate, and more satisfying marriages. Remember, "A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver" (Proverbs 25:11). May our words and actions in our marriages reflect the love, grace, and wisdom of our Lord Jesus Christ.
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Felice Mathieu, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Felice Mathieu is a seasoned Christian marriage and family coach with over 25 years of experience of coaching couples. He holds a B.A. in Christian Counseling Psychology and a Master's degree in Marriage and Family Therapy, making him an expert in the field. Felice, together with his wife Retta, founded Married As One LLC, a ministry committed to providing biblical coaching services to couples. Through Married As One LLC, Felice and Retta help couples learn critical biblical skills that inspire better communication and foster stronger relationships. Contact Felice today for effective Christian marriage coaching that helps spouses communicate fairly and respectfully.
