“I Am Not Good Enough” — 2 Steps to Embracing Imperfections
Written by: Gurpreet Kaur, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
A lot of the people I work with express not ever feeling good enough no matter what they do in their lives. Feeling inadequate all the time can literally plague your life from the inside out. This type of deep sense of self-doubt and feeling incompetent comes from striving to be perfect. If you are a perfectionist, you probably already know it. You have this ideal image and an unachievable image of yourself that is almost impossible to achieve. You set very high standards for yourself. Interestingly enough, many people who struggle with these feelings are also highly intellectual or even gifted; their internal yearning to be perfect is very real.
The drive to be perfect and flawless usually leaves you hating yourself. Why? When you try to live up to an ideal image of yourself, you will fall short at some point in life, which is the recipe for self-criticism and self-doubt. Because you do not like to fail, you don’t want to make mistakes. You are expecting perfection, which is impossible. When you make mistakes (which is inevitable), you don’t like it and become increasingly critical. The desire to control things, even those things outside of you, leaves you drained of energy. When you reach this point, you are irritable and overwhelmed, you make more mistakes, and you criticize yourself for perceived failure.
This cycle often continues because you base your self-worth on arbitrary or flimsy measurements such as GPA, Facebook likes, test scores, income, etc. These measurements of self-worth leave you feeling even emptier after they are taken away from you for one reason or another. You are not yet able to see the beauty of imperfection.
Finally, you begin to ask yourself: Why do I need people to approve of me? Why do I require validation from others? Why can’t I be enough just as I am? Why do I have to please everyone around me?
Here’s a bit of knowledge that will place you on the path of self-acceptance and more fulfilling life:
We all fall short on many different things, but you are perfect the way you are. Embracing this truth is the way you will get out of this negative, self-destructive cycle and start glimpsing beauty through imperfection. I encourage my clients to embrace their imperfections, differences, and failures. No one else has them; it is what makes you unique and special. You will find your true Self in your differences, not similarities, with others. Imperfection is beauty. You will learn more about your authentic Self from your failures than successes. Embracing your imperfections instead of constantly criticizing them will place you on the path towards acceptance and peace.
Here are two steps you can take today to help you shift your lens regarding your imperfections:
Make a list of all the things you do not like about yourself. For example: not tall enough, not thin enough, not smart enough, not successful enough, not mathematical enough, etc.
Now look for strengths within your weaknesses. For example, I am not good at memorizing numbers. The strength I found for this weakness is that I can make more decisions with my heart and intuition instead of crunching numbers all the time.
This two-step process has been tremendous in helping the people I work with and me personally to replace the feelings of self-doubt and self-criticism with those of strength, courage, and confidence. Here is another FREE guide to help you get on the path and stay on it to embrace your imperfections. I still practice these steps daily to keep myself on the right track. Try these methods and let me know how they worked out for you.
Gurpreet Kaur, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine Dr. Gurpreet Kaur is a Licensed Professional Counselor, Certified Clinical Mental Health Counselor, Life Coach, Speaker, and an Author. Dr. Kaur is very passionate about self-love, self-empowerment, wellness, reaching the full potential, and applying quantum mechanics principles to daily life. Dr. Kaur teaches a step-by-step self-care process to live a mentally and emotionally healthy life.
