How To Go From Resentment To Resilience With Self-forgiveness And Transform Wounds Into Wellness
- Brainz Magazine
- Apr 24, 2024
- 5 min read
Written by Colinda Latour, Self-Love Coach – Author
Colinda Latour, acclaimed author, and self-love coach, is a beacon of love in action, guiding individuals to transform their lives through the profound practice of love. Shaped by a childhood of instability and a perpetual quest for unattainable perfection, Latour grappled with feelings of being unlovable and unworthy.
In a world where high achievers often grapple with self-criticism and burnout, the journey to self-forgiveness and self-love offers a transformative path to inner peace. As a self-love coach, I've witnessed firsthand the profound impact of embracing forgiveness. With self-forgiveness, we release the grip of resentment and unworthiness and unlock the door to empowerment, and authentic fulfilment.
How can I stop my inner critic?
In a world where high achievers often find themselves trapped in a cycle of relentless self-criticism, overwhelming to-do lists, and burnout, the journey towards self-forgiveness and self-love becomes a beacon of hope. As a self-love coach dedicated to empowering high-achieving women, I've witnessed firsthand the transformative power of embracing forgiveness and cultivating a deep sense of love and compassion for oneself, as well as experiencing it myself.
I didn’t always love myself and one of the most useful things that generated more self-love was self-forgiveness. I forgave myself for the way my inner critic ruled my thoughts for so long. I forgave myself for the unnecessary pressure I placed on myself to constantly be working on my goals. I forgave myself for past behaviours and I continue to forgive myself for being perfectly imperfect.
Benefits of self-forgiveness
Research in psychology and neuroscience has illuminated the profound impact of forgiveness and self-love on our mental, emotional, and physical well-being. Studies consistently show that individuals who practice forgiveness, and this includes self-forgiveness, experience lower levels of stress, anxiety, and depression, while also enjoying greater overall life satisfaction and resilience. There is so much research on the health benefits of forgiveness, editors Loren Toussaint, Everett Worthington, and David R. Williams compiled a book of the data into one source, “Forgiveness and Health: Scientific Evidence and Theories Relating to Better Health.”
How does forgiveness relate to self-love?
When we forgive ourselves, we are telling our brain and heart that we are worthy of feeling good and that we do not need to suffer with resentment, anger, regret, or other fear-based emotions. We are not condoning what we have done or said, rather we are not allowing an incident in the past control our present and future. We are making the powerful choice to rise above any self-chastising and resentment and rather grow, learn, and forgive our mistake.
For many high-achieving women, the journey towards self-forgiveness and self-love begins with acknowledging and releasing the inner critic that fuels feelings of unworthiness and self-doubt. By creating a safe and nurturing space for introspection and self-reflection, I help my clients uncover the underlying beliefs and thought patterns that contribute to their inner critic's harsh judgments. Through gentle yet powerful techniques rooted in mindfulness (visit my Love Toolbox for a free mindful meditation!) and self-compassion, we work together to challenge these limiting beliefs and replace them with empowering narratives that foster self-acceptance and love.
Forgiveness is not weakness
At the heart of this journey lies the recognition that forgiveness is not a sign of weakness but a courageous act of self-liberation. In forgiving ourselves, we acknowledge our humanity and inherent worthiness, we embrace our imperfections as essential aspects of our journey towards growth and self-discovery and we take responsibility for our actions, leaving the victim mentality behind. In extending self-forgiveness to others, we reclaim our power and release the burdens of resentment and grudges, allowing space for compassion, empathy, and understanding to flourish.
Yet, the path to forgiveness is not always easy, especially when wounds run deep and scars linger. It requires courage, humility, and a willingness to confront our pain and vulnerability head-on. However, the rewards of forgiveness—both for ourselves and others—are immeasurable, offering us the opportunity to break free from the chains of the past and step into a brighter, more empowered future.
Can forgiveness change the world?
As an advocate for self-love and empowerment, I believe in the transformative power of forgiveness to heal, uplift, and inspire. Through simple yet profound acts of self-compassion and forgiveness, we can create a ripple effect of love and healing that extends far beyond ourselves, touching the lives of those around us and ultimately, transforming the world.
How can I forgive myself?
To embark on your own journey of self-forgiveness and self-love, I invite you to engage in the following exercise:
Find a quiet and comfortable space where you can relax and unwind.
Take a few deep breaths, allowing yourself to ground and centre in the present moment.
Reflect on a specific instance or experience where you feel you may need to forgive yourself. It could be a mistake you made, a missed opportunity, or a perceived failure.
Allow yourself to fully acknowledge and feel any emotions that arise—whether it's guilt, shame, or regret. Remember that it's okay to feel whatever you're feeling without judgment or criticism.
Offer yourself words of compassion and understanding, acknowledging that you are only human and that mistakes are a natural part of the learning process. Repeat affirmations such as "I forgive myself for any mistakes I've made" or "I am worthy of love and acceptance, regardless of my imperfections" or “I love my perfect imperfections.”
Visualize yourself releasing any lingering feelings of guilt or shame, and letting go of that past action or time. It can help to envision a dark smoke or cloud leave your body as you release and embrace the present moment with love and acceptance.
Finally, allow yourself to bask in the warmth of self-love and compassion, knowing that you are worthy of forgiveness and deserving of all the love and happiness life has to offer. Envisioning a pink or green light surrounding you can help to feel the love.
Embrace your true worth
In conclusion, the journey towards self-forgiveness and self-love is a profound and transformative process that holds the power to liberate us from the chains of the past and empower us to embrace our true worthiness and potential. By cultivating a practice of forgiveness—both towards ourselves and others—we can pave the way for greater inner peace, resilience, and authentic fulfilment in every area of our lives.
To see if I can help along the way, book a free consultation call now, I would love to be a hand that helps along the way.
Colinda Latour, Self-Love Coach – Author
Colinda Latour, acclaimed author, and self-love coach, is a beacon of love in action, guiding individuals to transform their lives through the profound practice of love. Shaped by a childhood of instability and a perpetual quest for unattainable perfection, Latour grappled with feelings of being unlovable and unworthy. Years of seeking love in futile places propelled her to create the 31-Day Full-On Love Challenge, chronicled in her book, Living in Love. Awed by the challenge's impact, Latour passionately shares its lessons. Her mission: empower high-achieving women to break free from internal pressures and external validation, guiding them to achieve the ultimate goal of loving themselves unconditionally.
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