How I Learned To Love What I See When I Look In The Mirror – 5 Ways to Improve Body Confidence
- Apr 29, 2021
- 6 min read
Written by: Beckie Kullberg, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
For years I would either avoid mirrors or only look at one when I did my makeup or to see if the outfit I chose was decent looking on me. I would take a quick glance and then look away. When passing a large plate glass window and seeing my reflection, I remember actually feeling sick to my stomach and asking, “Is that really me?”
When I finally got fed up with feeling this way, I chose to seek a new belief about myself and learn to love what I saw looking back at me in the mirror. The journey was one of self-development and overcoming old beliefs that no longer served me.
It’s funny to me now how our society seems to support body shaming more than body loving. Media messages suggest if we are thin, tall, and have long hair, then we are pretty and accepted. If you look different from this ideal, then you are not attractive or must do something to change your appearance to be more acceptable. This is a bunch of bs!
Here are 5 ways I learned to love and accept my body as is and love the beautiful woman looking back at my reflection.
1. Stop comparing myself to others
This was HUGE! When I looked at other women who, in my mind, were more attractive, had a better body, or a great career, I believed that if I didn’t have what they had, then I wasn’t enough. This pattern went on for years and ate away at my self-confidence and body confidence.
Then I learned this little strategy that made a big shift for me. When I caught myself comparing myself to others, I simply noticed, stated “comparing” in my mind (without judgment), and then it gave me a second to pause and make a different choice. Making a different choice meant recognizing that they are on a different journey than I am and if I chose to follow theirs, then I could too.
We tend to compare our “B” roll with their “A” roll. That’s like comparing giraffes to toenail clippers and nobody wins.
Letting go of comparing creates freedom and more energy. It takes a lot of effort to compare and I choose to use that energy towards my goals and dreams.
2. Lose the scale and gain control
The scale is a device that tells us our gravitational pull, and that’s it! Why do we give it so much power?
Every day I would step on that device and it would give me a number and I chose to allow it to dictate what kind of day I was going to have. If it was down, I was good, happy, and felt light. If it was up, I was bad, ugly, and fat. Even if I felt good about myself before I got on the scale, I gave it permission to tell me how I was supposed to feel that day.
One day, I remember this so clearly. I woke up and felt great, had positive energy, and was ready to take on the day. Like all mornings, I emptied my bladder and stepped on the scale. The number was 4 pounds higher than the previous day. What the $@^#!?! My energy shifted, the negative self-talk started, and I felt defeated.
Then suddenly, something shifted inside me an inner strength, and I walked into the bathroom, picked up the scale, walked out the front door, and threw that sucker into the garbage bin. A few words came out of my mouth along the lines of, “you no longer have power over me” and I slammed the lid and walked away.
It was 1 year before I purchased another scale, and in that year, I let go of the number that I had decided would dictate my worth. That number had haunted me for years.
Being without a scale, I used other forms of measurement to monitor my size. How was my energy level? How did my clothes fit? What did I see when I looked in the mirror? Letting go of that number empowered me.
Now the scale only gives me feedback in the form of a number, and I get to decide what I do with that information, not the scale.
3. Love all parts of my body, not only my favorite parts.
My eyes, smile, and small waist were the only things I liked about myself. My butt and thighs were gross and ugly in my mind. As a skinny preteen, I got the nickname “bubble butt.”
Loathing parts of my body seemed natural to me as I heard others doing it and shaming myself was another way to “fit in.” If I said I liked a part of my body or how I looked, then that meant I was egotistical, conceited, or stuck up, and all of that sounded horrible.
That saying, “No one can truly love you until you love yourself,” really hit home with me and I wanted to love myself, like REALLY love myself and all parts of my body.
One by one, I fell in love with my thighs, my butt, and even my arms. Does this mean I don’t want to make changes? No! This means I love what I see, and that’s it. No energy. No drama. I simply love my body.
4. Accept my unique body shape
As a petite woman who is 5 feet 1 and a half inches tall, I will never be 5 feet 7 inches, it’s impossible and yet I dreamed that if only I were taller, my body would level out and look “normal.”
This is one of those bs stories we tell ourselves that keep us chained in misery. My body is curvy, lumpy, and dare I say, sexy. Sexy is a choice, by the way.
There is no other body on the planet like mine and that is a gift. I am a gift. My body is my body, and no one gets to tell me it is less than perfect. When I took my power back and acknowledged my unique body shape, the weight that I was carrying of other people’s opinions was gone.
Just like no 2 fingerprints are alike, neither are our bodies...and that’s a beautiful thing! Love the body you are in because you’re going to be there for the rest of your life. Once you let go of the resistance of your God-given body, love it as is, you start to see the world differently.
5. Loving my body doesn’t mean I am vain
As I said before, it seems to be more acceptable to be down on your body than love it, and this simply is not acceptable.
This one really gets me curious and fired up! If I were to post on social media that I despise my butt, many people would jump in and share what they despise about their own bodies.
On the flip side, if I said, “I love my arms” this post might get crickets or a few, “good for you!” Snicker, snicker.
This is not acceptable, and the shift of loving our bodies and having it be known starts here, right now! Own it, love your body as it is today, not how you believe it “should” look-TODAY!
Life is happening now. Do you want to look back and say I wish I had loathed my body more, Or I wished I had loved my body more? It’s a choice and it starts with you.
Say it with me, “I am beautiful, I love my body, and I am sexy.” If you struggled with that last part, no worries, it gets easier, keep saying it.
I choose to love the woman I see in the mirror because she’s one BADASS, ROCKSTAR, and BEAUTIFUL human being. Who do you see? Please share your ahas and breakthroughs.
Beckie Kullberg, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
For the past thirty years, Beckie Kullberg has guided women of all ages and walks of life to fully understand and embrace self-love. She is a gentle leader who bonds with her clients and provides a safe haven for them to build body confidence and achieve a positive mindset. Her own story of binge-eating and recovery prompted her to create programs and tools to help others succeed in establishing strong self-esteem.
Beckie coined the phrase “image nemesis” as she designed the courses “30 Days to Breakup with Binge Eating” and “Body Confidence and Weight Release.” After hiding her secret for years (even her husband didn’t know), Beckie took multiple self-development courses and made the shift to stop the shame and restore optimal health of mind and body.
She feels grateful to live in scenic Sonoma County with her husband of eighteen years and her teenage son, where she loves to hike the local trails and connect with nature.
