High-Performance And Relationship Success Coach Eva Medilek - How Her Marriage Breakdown Helped Her
Eva Medilek is a Certified High-Performance Coach and a Relationship Success Coach. She has coached both men and women in the areas of personal development, leadership and mastering habits for success. She specializes in helping powerful, successful women have happier, healthier, more intimate connections in their relationships without giving up their power. Read the full interview below!
– I'm Eva Medilek and I live in Berkeley, CA with my husband Peter and my rescue dog, Lexi. I have two grown daughters and I enjoy the experiences of traveling and learning about other cultures. My husband and I enjoy culinary and wine experiences, along with golfing and hiking together.
– I have spent most of my life as a successful, practicing dental hygienist in New York and San Francisco. As I was approaching my 50th birthday, I was downsized and found myself looking for work. That experience sparked my entrepreneurial journey as a real estate investor. As fruitful as that decision turned out to be, my drive and ambition to be successful, contributing to the near destruction of my marriage.
– Although I had begun my life coaching and real estate coaching business as a result of my investing success, my marriage breakdown was the catalyst for my coaching business today.
You're a High-Performance Coach and a Relationship Success Coach. I'm a little curious. What exactly is a High-Performance Coach?
– High-Performance Coaching is a process created to reach that next level of performance, practice, and potential in your life while maintaining your health, well-being and relationships. As your coach, I work with you in mastery of the five areas of High Performance, which are Clarity, Energy, Courage, Productivity and Influence.
The Relationship Success Coach is easier to understand. You've made an interesting journey together with your husband. But first things first. When building your business, how come you were so focused on your business, because I understand it affected your marriage?
– There were many reasons that I was so focused on my business. The main one being the dream and vision that we had for our life together. You see, my husband is from Germany and his entire family still lives there. We were also married in Berlin and love that city. Since we both love to travel, we wanted to establish a home base in Berlin to make it easier to see family and to travel throughout Europe.
– My husband was always a freelancer. I was always an employee in the United States. How could I do this and have the income needed, when most employers only allow two weeks vacation? I couldn't live my dream and continue to be an employee and keep my job. I had to figure this out. And, since I had just turned 50, and we were only married for one year at that point, I had an urgency that I didn't want to be too old to live my dream and enjoy summers in Europe.
– Between the impatience and the urgency to start living the dream, coupled with the fact that I did not enjoy being under the thumb of an employer, created the motivation and focus to succeed. My parents were also aging, and as an only child, I needed the freedom and the resources to be able to help them when they needed me.
– I should also note that my husband was less than thrilled at the monetary investment I made in my education, coaches and mentors for real estate. I also had to prove that I could create a significant return on that investment.
"I also realized that I shared responsibility for this self-sabotaging behavior."
At one point, he cheated on you. Was it hard to forgive him, or could you see things from a new perspective?
– Here's the thing about his infidelity, it was a symptom of something deeper.
– The amount of stress, overwhelm, burnout and general exhaustion that I was feeling while working my day job, studying investing, cooking, shopping, laundry, business accounting and feeling like I was doing it all, was taking a toll on my health, well-being and most of all, our relationship.
– When I finally discovered his cheating, it was after we tried months of therapy that didn't really help. I knew, at this core, that my husband was a good and decent human. I also realized that I shared responsibility for this self-sabotaging behavior.
– There are many symptoms of pain and anxiety that can manifest. Drugs and alcohol abuse are the most commonly talked about and treated. I knew that I was not showing up as my best self in the marriage and neither was he. We had a choice to break-up or breakthrough this breakdown. We chose to do the work to create a breakthrough to a new relationship with each other. We were both hurting and had compassion and understanding for each other's pain. That was instrumental in helping us move past the past.
What was it that you started doing differently, that makes your marriage work till this day?
–The number one thing I do differently is that I have a both/and mindset, not an either/or approach to life. I practice the habits of high performance that keep me feeling and performing my best in every area of my life.
– I make sure that I'm taking care of my mental energy and physical stamina so that I can show up in my relationship as my best self and he doesn't get the remnants of me that are leftover by the end of the day. We schedule a time to have fun more because, in my focus on success, I never created time for fun.
– I've learned to acknowledge and appreciate before bringing up what's wrong or what didn't work. In short, we focus on showing up and better for ourselves by practicing better self-care. We are being better and doing better so that we can have a better relationship.
Do you have a similar story from one of your clients who has gone through the same thing as you? Could you help him/her?
– When I think of a client that I helped, I can't help but think of a gentleman I worked with who described himself as a serial cheater. In fact, his wife reached out to me to work with him because he was always having affairs. The reason why I want to use him as an example is because one thing I caution my clients about is to not be attached to results or how things should look.
– When my husband and I did the work together and separately, we remained open to the fact that we may decide that we would be happier apart. That was the scariest part of it all, but we had to do the work before we could come to the best result for us.
– When I started working with this client, it was clear that he was always doing what he thought was best for others, even though he was sacrificing his needs, wants and desires in the process. He was truly unhappy, and that was why, even though he loved his wife, he was not happy in the marriage. He felt the obligation and not the desire, because they were married for 40 years. She had continually tolerated his cheating as well, but never let him forget it either.
– They were in crisis. After working with them separately and identifying their signature "Relationship Style", they were able to come to an honest resolution in their relationship that involved the dissolution of their marriage.
– He felt like a huge weight had been lifted off of his shoulders, and he could now live an honest and free life with everyone in his family for the first time in a long time. Although it wasn't a popular decision, he is very happy and living his best life. Even though they are not living happily ever after together, they gained the courage to live happily ever after apart.
Who should hire/work with you?
– I help driven, ambitious entrepreneurs, executives and leaders have happy, healthy, more intimate relationships while reaching that next level of success without sacrifice. If you find yourself feeling stressed out, burnt out, overwhelmed and stuck. It's affecting your relationships at home, at work and in your communities. Mastering the practices of high performance and relationship success will foster extraordinary results in every area of your life.
As an expert within the subject. What are the top 3 biggest warning-signals that my job affects my relationship with my close ones?
– Three warning signals of your job affecting your relationships are
Overwhelm and Exhaustion
Lack of joy and vibrancy