Busting Beliefs that Keep you Stuck — And Finding Acceptance when your Partner has Cancer

Written by: Marika Humphreys, Executive Contributor

Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.

Do you ever wish things were different? Do you wish that you didn't have to see your partner in pain or that you could think of the future without a flood of anxiety coursing through your body?

Despite how it may seem, the frustration and anxiety you feel are not caused by the fact that your partner has cancer or seeing them in pain or your uncertain future. It's caused by your belief that it should be different. Wanting things to be different than they are is the belief that keeps us stuck and unable to move forward.

Arguing with my reality.

My husband was angry. Not all the time, but it seemed it was always under the surface. His first cancer was a tumor in his right arm, and after surgery, he was able to keep his arm but lost full function. He could no longer do certain simple things like reaching up above his head to change a light bulb or reach high up into a cabinet. He had trouble reaching forward to change the dial on the car radio.

These simple things that were now so difficult frustrated him. As he dealt with multiple cancers and his body failing him, his anger increased. For me, it was difficult to be around. I kept believing that he shouldn't be so angry. It's not good for him!

I believed he should be different than he was. I wanted him to cope with the loss of his body in a calm and accepting manner because if he could do that, then I could relax and not worry so much. My inability to accept how my husband was coping kept me stuck and frustrated. It wasn't until he passed away that I finally made peace with his anger.

I realize now, and I also see in so many of my clients, that beliefs about wanting things to be different keep us stuck. Even though it may come from a place of love, we argue with our reality by wanting things to be different from what they are. Only by finding acceptance with where we are can we find peace and move forward.

What is a Belief?

A belief is simply a thought you've had over and over again. You have thought it so often that it just feels true.

Picture a belief like a table. All tables have legs that support them and hold them up. Our brain likes to find “legs” to support what we already believe. There is a way to bust these beliefs, the beliefs that argue with your reality and keep you stuck.

5 Steps To Bust Your Limiting Beliefs

(modified from Byron Katie & Tony Robbins)