Building Blocks Of Emotional Intelligence And How To Cultivate Them In Personal & Professional Life
- Sep 1, 2021
- 4 min read
Written by: Cheryl Thacker, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
It’s easy for leaders to overlook the importance of emotional intelligence in their work and personal lives. It can often take a back-seat to more tangible skills. But emotional intelligence is the bulk of what makes or breaks our relationships, career success, and overall happiness. It’s also multifaceted. Here are a few key components of working with emotional intelligence.
Self-Regard
Knowing your strengths is crucial to being able to face the world with confidence and view your own success favorably. This includes welcoming feedback on your strengths and areas of improvement and weighing them equally – most people struggle to find this balance.
How to cultivate self-regard:
Engage with regular performance check-ins, with yourself and others.
Follow thought leaders and experts you admire.
Celebrate positive feedback when you receive it.
Self-Actualization
Having a clear vision of yourself and your purpose can help lead you through inevitable times of intense change. When you face the world from a position of self-actualization, it becomes easier to work toward long-term goals with patience, accepting setbacks as they come – as long as you’re approaching your vision.
How to cultivate self-actualization:
Rethink each day’s priorities; set smaller, digestible goals when needed.
Identify key motivators for yourself and those in your inner circle.
Make plans from a short-term and long-term perspective.
Emotional Self-Awareness
Your emotions tell you what you need to pay attention to and what needs to take top priority in any given moment. Be aware of your emotions, how you process them, how you regulate them, and how to let yourself feel emotions and let them pass through you instead of dwelling on them or lashing out.
How to cultivate self-awareness:
Identify feelings as they arise and change; a feelings wheel can help with this.
When anxieties and fears arise, delve deeper. Feel those feelings. Talk about them instead of running from them.
Schedule breaks between meetings and agenda items for you to decompress and check-in with yourself.
Emotional Expression
Knowing how and when to express yourself is a constant balancing act. Sometimes emotions warrant action, while others are simply opportunities for self-reflection. Having a firm grip on your own emotional expression makes it easier to cultivate authentic relationships and to stay engaged in your daily life.
How to cultivate emotional expression:
When distressing emotions come up, find ways to feel those feelings instead of suppressing them.
Disengage from yourself to engage with others.
Before having a hard conversation, center yourself by writing down a few words describing what you’re feeling.
Assertiveness
Assertiveness requires knowing the weight of your words and actions and learning how to use them effectively. Sometimes, that means standing up for yourself in confrontations. But more often, assertiveness is about learning how to present yourself in a room so you hold your ground without coming off as aggressive. Not everything is a fight.
How to cultivate assertiveness:
Encourage open conversation.
Use “I” statements instead of “you” statements, especially in confrontations.
Test-drive difficult conversations with a friend.
Reality Testing
You must be keyed into reality if you’re going to make good decisions based on the “now” instead of the “what if.” Reality testing involves maintaining a realistic, grounded perspective and worldview.
How to cultivate reality testing:
When making decisions, do a “gut check” and a “fact-check.” This will help you get a read of the reality of a situation while acknowledging your feelings about it, recognizing those aren’t always the same thing.
When weighing options, check in with someone outside the situation. An outsider’s perspective can help bring you back into reality.
When a problem feels too overwhelming to deal with, identify what emotions you’re bringing to the table that might be clouding your judgment.
Flexibility
Life is full of unknowns. No matter how carefully we plan our future, every day brings new challenges and situations. Cultivating emotional flexibility is key for rolling with life’s punches. But a big part of this is building flexibility into our concrete plans.
How to cultivate flexibility:
When decision-making, explore alternate solutions.
Change is inevitable, but it’s also personal. Everyone responds to it differently due to a never-ending list of factors. Allow space for those different reactions. If your colleagues have dissenting opinions, discuss them openly rather than shutting them down.
Build time into your schedule for transitions, setbacks, and reflection. This applies to short-term and long-term plans.
Think of cultivating emotional intelligence as a lifelong project to create success in your personal and professional life.
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Cheryl Thacker, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Cheryl Thacker, PCC, BCC is a master board certified coach and the founder of Successful Coaches Enterprise LLC where she works with emerging coaches and solopreneurs to build their dream life and business. Cheryl believes that every coach has a unique gift to present to the world and it is her mission to help them gain the confidence, skills, and knowledge needed to master their business. In every aspect of her business and life, Cheryl’s passion for helping others has always shined through. Utilizing her business background of 25+ years and her extensive coach training, she is able to help coaches make a massive impact in the world while growing successful, sustainable, and profitable businesses.
