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Becoming Our Own Village

Written by: Kelly L. McCarthy, Executive Contributor

Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.


As infants, we needed to rely on others for our needs to be met. Whether it was a physical need or an emotional need did not matter. We were incapable of deciphering what we were experiencing at any given moment so expectedly needed support from those that did understand. Helpless and unaware as to anything other than what our caretakers thought was best for us whether be it parents, grandparents, foster parents or any other guardian of our wellbeing. We were taken care of best they could with what they knew.

As toddlers, we began to explore our surroundings wanting nothing more than to try new things on our own. We were persistent and often frustrated due to lack of understanding or being told we couldn’t when often we felt we could. We did not have the emotional intelligence at that stage in our life to comprehend or navigate our feelings or the experiences we were having, we just knew we were having them. We still required guidance from others to assist us in confirming that our needs were being met even when unsure as to what they were. Everything from what to wear, what to eat, how to do things, how not to do things created an understanding of only what we learned to be right and wrong through our filtered experiences. We would battle against certain things and agree with ease to others. During this time we were learning, we were expanding our boundaries and growing emotionally while beliefs were being instilled within us as we still relied on others for answers and confirmations.

As pre-teens and teenagers, we observe from a totally different perspective believing we know what is right for us, hearing our own thoughts more loudly, testing our boundaries, our beliefs, society's beliefs, and pushing back against opinions and ideas sometimes just for the sake of pushing. Not necessarily because we think they are wrong but more because we are trying to find what is right for us. We are expected to understand more, do more, and be more after years of having all our needs met without the most important asset needed to survive on our own. How to listen to and learn to trust our own intuition. At this stage there is still so much uncertainty, so much chaos of thought vs feeling vs reaction that confirmation is still often required for us to feel connected, to understand. We are still seeking answers to our questions, sometimes uncertain of the actual question itself. We still have needs but at this age they can become more confusing as to what they are. Do we still want or need physical touch to help us navigate our sadness? Do we still want or need to hug people upon saying hello? Do we really want or need to have our parents kiss us and say I love you in front of our friends? Do we want or need others' opinions before making a decision? Do they really know what’s best for us? Are we capable at this age to start becoming our own village? Ask yourself how many times you requested for your parents to stop doing something that made you uncomfortable such as one of the examples above only for them to say “no” or make an excuse as to why they still would thus creating doubt in your mind as to if what you needed or wanted was worthy.

At 18 we are considered adults. We are independent, supposedly able to make adult decisions concerning our lives yet still seek confirmation from trusted people of what that looks like due to the years of being told no, the years of feeling one way but being told to feel another. Wanting to say something yet holding our tongue because someone else felt it wasn’t appropriate for us to say something. Looking for outside validation of who we are supposed to be as we were never given the full freedom to figure it out on our own. Our needs were so met that they left us unmet. We aimlessly wander into our adult lives continuously looking for approval, for feedback, for answers to our still unanswered questions, our thoughts racing with no real understanding of how to slow them down or better yet stop them completely. We call upon our parents, our friends, we seek out mentors and in some cases spiritual gurus hoping for the holy grail of all embodied enlightenment only to find out what we should have been taught from birth. Go Within.

This is what it means to become your own village. To understand that having support and confirmation from others is helpful and feels good but only until you are able to be in stillness with yourself can you find the answers meant for you. No one knows you but you. Others have thoughts, opinions, and ideas but those are not yours and are often derived from personal experiences meant for them. They should never be the defining answer to any of your questions. Sit in stillness, ask the question, hear the answer and trust it. Know that the first thought you have is always the right one and anything after that usually derives from fear. Learning to connect with yourself on a deeper level is how you learn to become your own village. We can’t wait for others to come rescue us from ourselves, or cheer our latest victory, hold our hand during the tough spots, or navigate our next move. Sometimes YOU is all YOU have and knowing this can actually deepen your relationship to yourself. When we rely on others we forget that we have everything we already need within us. Learning to trust our own power and inner wisdom in place of always looking on the outside for support creates the most important connection we can have….the one with ourselves.

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Kelly L. McCarthy, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine

Kelly McCarthy is an expert in understanding energetic frequencies and how they impact the world, whether consciously or unconsciously. As a former restaurant owner and mother of two, she was caught in the frantic energy of always trying to stay one step ahead, struggling to juggle a personal and professional life with the need to slow down. After a hospital stay the clinical world would call a full body breakdown, Kelly saw it as a breakthrough where she learned from a variety of modalities the power of harnessing Universal Energy. As a spiritual leader in the holistic community, she was called to create her business, Beyond Words N Wisdom, sharing her knowledge through speaking, teaching, classes, and energy sessions. With clarity and compassion, her clients learn to identify and use their intentional energetic footprint to leave legacies that matter.



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