Written by: Claire Michelle Ward, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
“You're The Average Of The Five People You Spend The Most Time With,” – What Does That Even Mean?
I heard this quote from Jim Rohn a few years ago but never really understood what it meant. How could I be the average of the people who were the closest to me? I am my own person after all, right?
Yes, we are all our own person, but we are so heavily influenced by those we choose to spend time with. The ideas discussed, the opinions expressed, the narrative of each of those people becomes so imbedded into our minds that we incorporate them. The beliefs and opinions expressed are repeated over and over and taken so deep into our own subconscious that they become our beliefs and opinions too.
Why does this even matter?
If you are someone who is looking to grow as a person, who has goals and desires that are important to you, you need to make sure that the conversations you are having with those around you reflect these things. For example, if you have a desire to lose weight and get fit but have someone who is always putting people down who go to the gym and have fit bodies, you won’t do it. Another example is if you have big goals for your business and desire wealth but constantly listen to someone talk about how people with money are horrible, you won’t achieve the wealth you desire. Even though you desire those things they won’t come into reality. You will be sabotaging yourself as you have subconscious beliefs which are in contradiction to your desires. There will also be a subconscious fear that you will be the one put down next or you may even lose those relationships. It becomes easier to stay as you are and not go against the grain. You begin to lose yourself and become like others rather than be your own person.
The thing to remember here is that when friends or family are expressing these types of negative opinions it is usually because they are trying to protect themselves in some way or are trying to make themselves feel better because of their own circumstances. It is understandable why it happens, but it will not help you achieve your desires or the growth you so crave. It will always be counterproductive and no matter how hard you try to keep those opinions out; they will still be in there. You can do the affirmations, repeat the positive ideas but if you are still listening to the negative conversations, it won’t stick, they will win out.
There is also another part to this, a deeper, more sinister aspect that you need to be aware of. When we are so close to people and we value their opinion and we look up to them, it can really affect us deep inside our soul if that person doesn’t really have the best of intentions for us. It may seem at a surface level that they are our friends, they are there for us but sometimes this is not really the case. So how do you know?
If you have someone in your life that you are not sure if they are good for you or not, if they really love you from a genuine place or not, just think of their voice in your mind. How do you hear them having a conversation with you?
Do you hear their voice as loving, kind, and gentle OR…?
Is it a sarcastic, sneering, and ridiculing voice?
This will tell you the truth. If you hear someone in your mind as the latter of the two, you need to get away from that person because this is how they really talk to you. It may not be in an obvious manner, but this is the undertone of the conversations you are having. It is a difficult thing to go through and it is difficult to escape from but if you want to be free and you want to be your own person, you must create space from this type of “friend.” Sometimes we can love people so much that we can’t see who they really are or what their true intentions are. We make excuses for their behaviour or even worse yet, we accept responsibility for it. We think it is our fault, that we have done something to deserve it. Or then we deny it, it can’t be true, I must be wrong, I must be making this up, I must not be in my right mind. The thing is, that voice is not something you have just created, it is not something you have just made up, it is something you have heard over a long period of time so that it has become something normal and acceptable to you. It is not!!
The more space you have from this type of “friend” the quieter their voice becomes, and the louder your own voice gets. It can take time for it to completely disappear but with space and through healing the wounds left behind, it happens. One day you wake up and that voice has gone.
If you are sitting right now wondering why you can’t get to where you want to be in life, you feel frustrated and tired of the healing processes, of doing the work but are still stuck, you need to look at who you have around you. What are the opinions being expressed? What ideas are you discussing? What do their voices sound like? You will maybe find that the answer lies here, and you need to make some changes about who you choose to give your time and energy to. Ask yourself, whose average do you want to be?
Claire Michelle Ward, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Claire Ward is a wife, a mum of two beautiful children, a Holistic Empowerment Coach, and a Reiki Master Teacher, who teaches people to identify and let go of their self-judgment and self-criticism, so they can empower themselves and their families, leading them all to be emotionally and mentally strong individuals.
‘Only when you learn to love, respect and accept yourself, can you teach others to do the same’ – Claire M. Ward.
After more than 20 years of living a life inflicting pain and suffering on herself, and her family, Claire came to the realisation that the power to transform and heal herself was in her own hands all along, leading her on a journey into a new world of self-love and appreciation.
Seeing the transformation in her own life and the impact it had on her relationships, particularly with her husband and children, she realised the processes she used on herself would also work for them, enabling them to support themselves throughout life’s challenges. In that moment her passion and purpose became clear; to use her experiences and skills to guide other people along their individual paths to healing, giving them the skills and techniques needed to support themselves and their families.
Claire intuitively helps clients to discover the root of their pain and suffering, before selecting an array of healing tools and techniques specific to the client. This gives them the ability to take their healing power into their own hands and provides them with lifelong tools which can also be passed onto future generations.
For those wanting to take a deeper journey into the world of energy healing, Claire runs courses online and in-person in Level One and Level Two Reiki.
