Written by: Shreesha Khare, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Your mind became a battleground where you fought with anger, violence with insecurity, giving birth to manipulation, competitiveness, and a busy attitude to the outside world. Though that was not your intention, you were navigating an internal tsunami with directionlessness. You have been taught a patriarchal way of living since childhood through your mind and have received it in your body as a vessel through your senses. Being strong is the only thing you ever grew up with. Your mind and physical body are the only mechanical parts moving, as your heart was identified as weak.
Deep emotions are stirring inside of you right now, but you are chained by deep Pacific Ocean like conditioning since childhood in your subconscious brain not to show your true self. Is that something you want to continue with?
When it all began...
You were seven years old when, one day, your mom caught you crying over a petty situation you faced in school. She said, "Don’t cry; you are strong!" That day, a seed in your brain was sown that emotions are not the path of expression; it is about repression.
It was your 10th birthday during summer break, which you celebrated at your maternal grandmother's place, where all your cousins were present. You enjoyed it so much. Isn’t it? You wish that it would stay like this forever. Eventually, your fear gripped you, and you hit reality; the day had arrived when everyone was leaving for their respective houses.
This time, your dad saw that you were upset and crying again, to which he said: "Son, be a man. You are strong. How are you going to live your life if you are this sensitive and attached to things in life? This makes you feel neglected and abandoned."
Your subconscious brain got deep nourishment with this thinking pattern, which made you consciously decide that "I am not allowed to be weak outside. I need to hide this part of myself from situations like this or similar in the future.
You had a reality check when you reached 20 years of age. You went through a deep grief period when you saw your dad surrounded by your extended family in an inconsolable state as his both parents left their physical body on the same day. It came as a shock, creating emotional confusion inside of you. For a moment, your subconscious brain started a microsecond movie about whatever you heard in your childhood.
Seeing your father in the most vulnerable, helpless, and sensitive state, your subconscious brain told you consciously that being vulnerable, sensitive, and crying is a sign of weakness, and you must be brave from now on. Since then, you created a false self for yourself and became emotionally unavailable, as showing emotions in relationships or outside of them is a part of shame and guilt. Your false image, which has been created by your ego for years – 'Macho Man’, will be ruined and you will be naked in terms of your emotions, which you wanted to avoid at any cost.
The real story, however, was running inside of you, where you were yearning for love, nurturing, and understanding, which you thought you could find through your partner or other relationships outside of your family. You were moving away from your shadow work by focusing on your career, showing that you don’t have time. You reached a stage in life where your relationships started getting affected by symptoms like fighting, anger, trust issues, commitment issues, running away from relationships, using emotions as a controlling mechanism. In between all this, you also gave birth to insecurity inside of you as you don’t know how to "fix" things around you. In your relationships, you also heard, "Moving on quickly as possible," as the desire was to quickly "fix". People label you that "Men move on quickly" as they don’t know that men have never learnt the deepest desire to be seen, heard, and understood by other people. You also began to feel overwhelmed by emotional conversations because, once again, you had never exposed yourself to the deep truth pool of emotions.
When a man is disconnected from his emotions, it's no surprise that he is extremely uncomfortable when others' emotions (lovers, co-workers, kids, and all) are displayed. It happens because they have been taught to suppress, ignore, or completely shut off. They become insensitive to their surroundings. Emotions in human beings are an operating system which can take many forms if not expressed, and with this, men have been labelled as emotionally unavailable, immature masculine, cold-hearted, cheaters, Casanovas, abusers, and much more. This suppression of emotions in men takes a toll on their mental health and physical health. It is time for some men to heal and take responsibility for reclaiming their inner sovereignty over their own inner world of emotions. As it is the only way you can show up your true self to those you love the most.
I invite you to express the feelings in your body through writing journals or shake your body with some dancing.
Shreesha Khare, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Shreesha Khare is an author and an inspirational thought leader, aka a leading luminary. She is walking on the path of "Self-Illumination" to be more of her true self, share more of her personal experiences, and change the lives of others through her own journey of personal transformation. There is a deep internal desire in her to take all of what she has learned and help others along their path. She believes that suffering is the key to unlocking our greatest gifts. She is the Founder and Chief humanitarian Being at S&S Co-Space for Humanity, a boutique where you will be served with coaching and guidance of self-love and self-actualization, is like taking a journey into the inner cosmic world.