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6 Signs You Have Settled In Your Relationship

Written by: Anne Hellgren, Executive Contributor

Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.


There are many hidden costs to settling in a romantic relationship, and this article aims to share with you some of the signs and the actual cost it has on your life.

Couple in conflict sitting on sofa at home, using smart phones.

It is unfortunately a common phenomenon to settle in relationships that we are not truly fulfilled or happy in. While there are various reasons for this, some of the most common ones are based on fear. Fear of loss, of the unknown, or fear that they wouldn’t find better if they left. All these boil down to mindset issues.

While we don’t usually make a conscious choice to settle for less, when we do realize it, it’s important to be honest with ourselves. To accept that this is not what we want or need from our relationships and call it for what it really is. Not an overhyped version because of the few and far-stretched good moments. This will also help us uncover ‘WHY’ we have settled. Once we know why we continue to stay in a relationship that we don’t want to be in or doesn’t give us the joy, love, trust, security, intimacy, or connection we desire, we can then move forward. Move forward with making a decision from a place of empowerment and informed decision-making processes. Not from fear or lack of self-worth. So, here are the 6 signs that you may have consciously or subconsciously settled in your relationship.

1. There Is Little To No Affection In The Relationship Anymore.

While the levels of affection and intimacy will vary from couple to couple, it is still an important aspect of a relationship. This can include holding hands, kissing, hugging, or more. If someone feels that their partner isn’t really the person they want to be with, there will be little or no desire to be affectionate. Or they may just do it out of obligation.

2. There Is No Attraction To Your Partner Anymore.

The attraction takes many forms beyond physical attraction. This also includes all the traits that drew you to them in the first place, such as intelligence, humor, excitement, passion, etc. Now you feel like these things are not there anymore. And because you still value them highly in a partner, you feel a sense of lacking.

3. Communication Is Gone Or Kept To The Basics.

This means that one or both of you are not sharing what’s happening in your world and/or within you. You cannot be bothered to share your feelings as it won’t make a difference either way. There is no longer a need to share more than absolutely necessary.

4. Comparing Your Relationship To Other People.

When you start to compare your relationship to other people’s and feel a sense of envy, it can be a very clear sign that you are not where you want to be. While it’s normal to compare particular things in a relationship and discuss it with your partner in an open manner, secretly being envious of other people's whole relationship isn’t healthy.

5. You Don’t Fully Accept Them For Who They Are So You Justify Being With Them.

When we find ourselves justifying our partner to others or even ourselves, it’s usually a way to convenience ourselves we have made the right choice. But because we may not yet be ready to consciously accept otherwise, we come up with reasons why we are still with the person. It helps us avoid the consequences of leaving. Which to the first point above, can raise issues of fear, that we seek to avoid. So instead, we tell ourselves and those around us about all the other good aspects of the person, despite being unhappy in the relationship.

6. You Feel Unfulfilled, Uninspired, And Overwhelmed By Being With Them.

This is a rather obvious one. But we have also been conditioned to believe that relationships have their difficult moments and it’s part of the process. This isn’t about feeling amazing all day every day of your relationship. It’s about looking at how much time in your relationship is spent feeling unfulfilled, uninspired, and a sense of ‘blah.’

If you find yourself experiencing the above more often than not, you may want to have an honest look at what it’s costing you. The biggest loss is usually our time. Something we can never get back so we should spend it wisely. There are of course also lost finances, opportunities, happiness, and resources. In the worst case, living like this can cost you your emotional, psychological, and mental health as well. This will then have an effect on all other areas of your life such as parenting, career, business, friendships, and family.

You can also listen to episode 22 of my podcast, The Love You Want- It starts with you. I share 7 other signs that you may be settling in your relationship! Listen on:

If you or anyone you know is struggling in their relationship, you can reach out to me at or find out more about my coaching services on my website.

Follow me on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, and visit my website for more info!


Anne Hellgren, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine

Anne is the Founder of Anne Hellgren Coaching, a Relationship Expert, Certified Coach, Board Member & Podcast Host. She helps people live fulfilled, successful, and joyful lives through their relationship with themselves- and others.

Her expertise has helped her clients to gain the Confidence, Clarity, Communication, Connections, and Mindset that have changed their relationships and many other areas of their lives. Her Podcast 'The Love You Want- It starts with you', has a global audience and is ranked as one of the most shared podcasts globally by Spotify.

Anne works with her clients on a deep level because she has experienced most of what she helps others through. Her own life experiences of past bad, abusive, and toxic relationships, as well as a contentious divorce, provide a level of understanding and empathy that is much valued by those she helps. She has combined her life experiences with her qualifications, that is, an MSc in Occupational & Organisational Psychology, a BSc in Counselling Psychology, NLP, and Time-Line Therapy practices, amongst other qualifications, to create very impactful and empowering coaching programs. Being able to create bespoke programs for her client's exact needs is one of her many areas of expertise.



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