Written by: Ali Williams, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Life’s pretty busy, isn’t it? There is a lot to do and not enough time to do it. Society moves faster than that of the previous generation. As humans, we have adapted to doing more in less time. We can make anything happen almost instantly. We cook faster, drive faster, work faster, communicate in real-time all over the world, and can order and receive goods on the same day. It has got to the point that if we ever allow ourselves to move slower, we can be perceived as being lazy. (I’m guessing you’re reading this as fast as possible too!)
As corporate working mothers, we need to squeeze a lot into each day. To fit in the demands of work and family, we are scheduling to the nth degree, yelling at little Johnny to hurry up and get ready for soccer practice, throwing something together for dinner, and waking up in the middle of the night remembering something we didn’t write down.
‘How is that sustainable?’ It’s not.
Here are 10 ways that rushing is sabotaging your life and potentially harming your health, and how to change them
You’re exhausted.
Your hormones are haywire.
You’re stifling inspiration.
You’re breaking the hug too soon.
You’re overreactive.
You’re not listening.
Your healing opportunities are invisible.
Your brain is overwhelmed, not rewarded.
You’re bypassing the roses.
You’re obliterating your joy.
Rushing is a behavior. When working with women as a therapist, each one of them usually has similar patterns. They need to do a lot, but they have also experienced events from a young age that have required them to rely on themselves. It is a common theme for them that people have let them down. Even in loving family environments, there has been a reason for them to quickly adapt to feeling unsupported. This perpetual rush, perhaps driven by an ingrained fear of disappointment, may be subtly sabotaging your life.
Take me, for example. My parents were loving and kind, but after my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer when I was 12, she was unable to be a supportive parent, and my father worked seven days a week to support our family. Neither was available to my sister and me emotionally, and we were left alone a lot of the time to figure out things on our own. As a result, we became very independent. No blame here, they were trying to cope as best they could.
When you reflect on your own life experiences, can you think of a time when you were required to rely on yourself? Or maybe you experienced the added pressure of being expected to show up a certain way, to always be striving for the best. Maybe you needed to fight to be heard or respected. These examples leave you feeling unsafe, and that prompts the brain into survival mode.
Your sense of urgency is how your nervous system responds to your need to feel in control
When you don’t feel in control, your brain determines that as a threat. It releases chemicals that activate the Sympathetic Nervous System – what we know as ‘fight or flight’. The brain and nervous system want to resolve that feeling as soon as possible so it will cause you to act with urgency. This situation was helpful when running from a big scary lion in primitive times, but that big scary lion has now become ‘stress’. It may present as a deadline at work, running late for a party, or little Johnny nagging you because he can’t find his sock when you need to leave for soccer practice. We live in these stress cycles 24/7. Let’s take a look at the collateral damage of these 10 (of many) rushing behaviors and consider how to change them so you can reconnect with calm and protect your well-being.
1. You’re exhausted
Your energy levels will suffer. The physical body can keep going for so long before the reserves are depleted. A busy mind creates busy brain chemistry and your energetic (or subtle) body consisting of breath, emotions, and feelings will be drained.
Change it: Set boundaries. State that you are unavailable at particular times. Be realistic with deadlines. Communicate to your children when they need to be ready, and encourage them to organize their sport kit, homework, and lunches. Decide what you can complete at a slower pace.
2. Your hormones are haywire
Rushing causes havoc on your endocrine system. It produces extra levels of cortisol and adrenaline which are harmful to your health over prolonged periods. Dr Libby Weaver describes it best in her book Rushing Woman’s Syndrome. Thyroid issues may arise, sleep is interrupted, menstrual health may be affected, and the brain fog is real.
Change it: To regulate the production of stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline it is necessary to stimulate the Parasympathetic Nervous System – ‘rest and digest.’ Practice restorative exercises like yoga rather than high-impact workouts. Walk in nature, breathe deeply with your eyes closed (a personal favorite when visiting the bathroom), and eat mindfully.
3. You’re stifling inspiration
Moving fast disconnects you from the creative parts of your brain. You cannot click your fingers and command a great idea under pressure. It can be counterproductive to try and force a solution or body of work. Feeling the stress of urgency can limit your ability to think clearly.
Change it: Allow yourself to sit in stillness. Ever wondered why artists, writers, and creative people seem to live in their own world that seems a little slower? (I have often thought this being married to a professional artist!) Inspiration will flow if you remove yourself from noise, movement, and distractions such as TV or scrolling on your phone. Immerse in silence or meditation, or maybe listen to relaxing music. Feeling calm allows the brain to light up the creative centre. Ever woken up in the middle of the night with an amazing idea? Write it down, it has come from your higher intelligence. The idea for my first book The Glorious Responsibility of Happiness came to me during a group meditation at the beginning of an art class.
4. You’re breaking the hug too soon
In intimate moments with partners, children, and loved ones, being in a rushing frame of mind can result in us not being able to hold space. Have you ever received a hug from your child only to pull away because you were in a hurry? They may be seeking comfort, and in the moment you break the embrace you reinforce to them that they are not important. This can be interpreted in their brain as ‘I’m not lovable.’
Change it: Be present in the embrace. Bring your attention to that moment of nurture and comfort. In addition to telling them you love them, show them. Be a safe place for them and linger. Wait for the natural release rather than pulling away. You will deepen your relationships if you can be available in this way.
5. You’re overreactive
If you’re in a constant state of stress, this can cause you to be less tolerant of others. You may limit your ability to be compassionate and empathetic. You may be easily irritated during challenging conversations and become reactive. This impulse behavior makes it difficult to reach solutions and resolve confrontations.
Change it: Take a pause and a breath. Your brain processes five different pieces of information every second, you have time to make a different decision. If you are not able to change your heightened state, explain that you need to take a minute and you will return to the conversation shortly. Choose how you will respond, rather than reacting. This one shift in behavior can be life-changing for improving relationships and communication. I call it Stepping Out of the Arena.
6. You’re not listening
Do you ever find yourself standing in front of someone during a conversation but not hearing what they are saying? Your mind is racing ahead thinking of all the ways you want to respond, or you’re completely distracted thinking of something else. This can prevent us from being able to actively listen which means being fully present with that other person, hearing what they are saying, understanding what they are seeking out of the conversation, noticing their body language, and being able to lead the discussion to an outcome.
Change it: Honour the time and space you are in during conversations and moments of connection. Focus on the person, and if your mind wanders, bring it back to the present. Your interactions will be more meaningful and respectful. Make the conscious decision to shift your focus from all that is distracting you and pick it up again once you have moved on.
7. Your healing opportunities are invisible
Without self-awareness, it is impossible to understand how we can grow and learn. Our life experiences have created our thoughts, feelings, and actions. Some of those behaviors were helpful in the past but may become harmful without you realizing it. They are part of your subconscious mind and are automatic. To create change we must do the healing work around the life experiences that created the patterns.
Change it: When you become aware of your feelings and thought patterns you are presented with opportunities for healing. The sense of urgency you feel is a key to looking within. Contemplating the inner work may seem overwhelming, but it is the way forward in creating change and is liberating.
8. Your brain is overwhelmed, not rewarded.
Rushing compromises brain health. Just like other organs in our body, we need to take care of our grey matter. An overwhelmed brain could be likened to that of a robot short-circuiting. If it is overloaded, the normal brain processes can be interrupted resulting in difficulty regulating thoughts and emotions.
Change it: Allow moments of reflection and relaxation to connect with the reward centre in the brain. Uncomplicated moments such as breathing deeply, looking at the sky, listening to your favorite music, or eating your favorite food can enhance your mood. These activities release feel-good chemicals in the brain such as dopamine and help to regulate emotions and return your nervous system to a state of calm.
9. You’re bypassing the roses
You’re so busy you don’t allow time to stop and smell the roses, as the saying goes. Time speeds up and there’s no stopping it. You may have trouble remembering what you did last week, let alone last year. Special moments are minimized by your inability to fully immerse in the present.
Change it: Stop pushing, running, thinking, and doing. Allow yourself to pause and and prioritise being. Steal moments for yourself, even five minutes, to stand on the grass with bare feet and breathe in the sun. Feel the breeze dancing around your body. Practice mindfulness and learn the art of meditation. Teach your brain to slow down. It’s a practice. Delight in the giggles of your children, and lay on the bed while chatting to your bestie.
10. You’re obliterating your joy
With the body and brain in a constant state of stress the you are continually in ‘fight or flight.’ Extended periods of stress can create a heightened response in thoughts and emotions. Under those circumstances it is difficult to seek out the joyful moments in life. When did you last see a rainbow and stop to marvel at the magnificence? Do you shower in a hurry, or do you allow yourself to feel the gratitude of having access to hot water? With no joy, there is no pleasure.
Change it: Allow yourself to notice the little moments of simplistic joy. Be present in the pause over your first cup of coffee in the morning. Notice how good the smell enables you to feel. Gaze at the sky and watch the birds dance above your head. Immerse in the silly moments that create laughter. See the beauty in your child’s smile and be amazed at the gift of creating life. Don’t only think it, feel it in your body.
Maybe you recognise yourself in some or all these points. Consider this an invitation to explore your habits related to rushing and be honest with yourself. Is it helping, or harming, your relationships, work, and wellbeing?
When I was forced to take time off work through my cancer treatment, one of my children said to me, ‘Home is a much nicer place to be because you’re not at work.’ I was devastated. Who had I become in my rushing habits? This was a turning point in my life.
If you could benefit with guidance through changing these behaviours for yourself, let’s continue the conversation. Begin with reflecting on what you’ve learned about yourself and how you wish to change. It is not as difficult as you may be thinking. Reach out to connect and make a commitment to well-being. Consider what may it cost you if you don’t.
Ali Williams, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Ali Williams is the 'uncomplicated' therapist specialising in healing trauma codes in the brain and body. After losing her mother at the age of 16 to breast cancer, and receiving two cancer diagnoses herself, Ali chose wisdom, not war. After studying formally to become a qualified therapist, Ali has developed programs and strategies to help women focus on healing their own lives. Her first published book reflects the theme of taking responsibility for happiness. Ali believes everyone has the opportunity to claim their birth right to be happy regardless of circumstances.
