Turning Jealousy Into Aligned Purpose
Written by: Kristen Antonio, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
There are two types of “wishful thinking” patterns that humans engage in. The first is the kind that opens us up to the magic of the universe. These wishes spontaneously spill out of us, reconnecting us to that place of childhood wonder — like wishing on a shooting star, tossing pennies into a well, or blowing out candles on a birthday cake. As we get older, and some of that magic is lost to more rational ways of thinking and being, our wishes begin to fall into the second type of thinking pattern that sounds more like this:
I wish I was more successful. I wish I had more money. I wish I had more time. I wish I had more friends. I wish my partner would apologize. I wish I didn’t have depression. I wish I lived close to family. I wish I were a better parent. I wish I looked like them. At first glance, these wishes all seem relatively common and innocuous— perhaps you’ve even observed yourself wishing for some of these things — but have you ever noticed the emotions these types of wishes create?
Reread the list, but this time, watch for any changes and sensations in your body as you say these wishes in your mind. For me, I notice my gut constricts, my breath gets shallow, and I experience an embodied sense of anxiety and urgency. Instead of these wishes flowing out of me with joy and excitement, they are all accompanied by feelings of jealousy, resentment, and worthlessness, which stem from the implicit core belief that “I am not enough.”This is very important to recognize because our thoughts inform our emotions, and our feelings inform our reality.
Engaging in this pattern of wishful thinking activates a scarcity consciousness that, if left unprocessed, can lead to destructive behaviors and mental health disorders like anxiety and depression.
Now here’s the good news: Jealousy illuminates desire. When you study jealousy through the lens of desire, self-doubt and fear naturally fall away, clearing the path for you to move with intention and confidence toward your desired outcomes and ultimately helping you to build a deeply satisfying life. And while jealousy is not an exceptionally comfortable feeling, there is no need to demonize it. When it emerges in your body, simply ask yourself these three questions:
What about that person/lifestyle/business/relationship/etc.? is awakening this feeling of jealousy?
What is this emotion teaching me about what I want more of/less of?
How can I begin to take action in building a space for that desire to become my reality?
You are worthy of having your desires known in their purest form. Let jealousy light the way for you to explore and experience more of what you want and need.
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Kristen Antonio, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Kristen brings her rebel spirit to the mental health industry to challenge the status quo and expand our ways of healing, connecting, and being. As a dually licensed therapist, soul coach, entrepreneur and mother with bipolar disorder, Kristen’s lived experiences have taught her that healing begins when the scared, lonely parts in us can connect with the wisdom and nurturance of the soul’s Self Energy.
