The Spread Of Kindness Before Rightness — An Antidote For The Virus In Our Midst
- Aug 25, 2021
- 6 min read
Updated: Feb 5, 2024
Written by: Kathy Scott, Ph.D. and Bridget Sarikas, Executive Contributors
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
My Truth and My Mental Health
Do you feel surrounded by strong opinions that are interpreted in hundreds of different ways? Are you feeling or expressing righteous indignation when people do not acknowledge your rightness? Or have you been the victim of someone else’s “truth”?
How can so many people be so right and so wrong?
With the continuation and surge of the global pandemic, many are feeling the added stress and decline in their mental health. Tempers are flaring and patience is in short supply. This, combined with the proliferation of polarized views, identity politics, and misinformation, is creating an even greater crisis.
There is a destructive virus in our midst. This virus is an ugly negativity that insists that my truth is more important than you. It is the virus of rightness over kindness, and it comes out of our collective anger and grief. It is exacerbated by a diminished supply of empathy. Its observable symptoms include intolerance, blame, impatience, disrespect, violence, and social unrest.
Let’s take a look at where our truth comes from. Our personal ideas, feelings, and beliefs about important things are impacted by our personal experiences and the culture we’ve been exposed to. This includes important beliefs about love, politics, freedom, justice, and beauty. As a result, we each see the world through our own special set of lenses. These lenses influence our truth on a day-to-day basis.
Living out of our truth is not the problem, however. In fact, central to living a purposeful life is living out of our inner sense of truth and wholeness. This keeps us centered and steady. The rightness of our truth is not the problem either. There will always be differing views and beliefs about the world we live in. And that’s okay.
The problem is when we value defending our truth more than extending kindness to the people impacted by this truth. This places a greater value on our ideology than on the worth of a human being.
Kindness Before Rightness
So, what exactly are we talking about when we use the word “kindness”? We are referring to the quality of being friendly, gracious, understanding, and considerate. It is aided by a sense of curiosity and the ability to understand the feelings of others. It can be as simple as a smile, a laugh, or a courteous gesture (which does not include any gesture that involves that middle finger).
Kindness touches the human spirit even when there are opposing views. It is restorative and transformational. Demonstrating kindness does not imply that we must accept or adopt someone else’s viewpoint. It simply means we take the time to invest in, be considerate of, appreciate, and/or recognize the person behind the views.
The Global Decline of Mental Health
This topic of truth and kindness is more important than ever as we continue to experience a decline in mental health. With the onset of COVID and more recent surge of COVID variants, anxiety, depression, and substance abuse are on the rise. Recent 2021 studies indicate the following:
Roughly 40% of U.S. adults have professed to feeling the symptoms of an anxiety or depressive disorder - about four times higher than those who felt similarly in 2019 (Kaiser Family Foundation).
A U.S. Census study suggests that mental health deterioration has been especially severe among younger adults. About 27 million people in the 18-39 age group are now receive counseling or take prescription medication for mental-health reasons, up from 20.2 million in the late-August 2020 survey (Bloomberg).
A survey of 5,800 people in 7 countries across Europe identified deteriorating levels of mental health. The number of Europeans with a “bad state of mind” has tripled in recent months, with younger people most impacted (AXA Europe).
This mental un-health is observable each day as we see the rise in rudeness, violence, hate crimes, and social unrest. We are experiencing a collective grief and an empathy famine. But there is an alternative.
An Alternative Approach
Kindness and common courtesy are strong medicine for this unhealthy culture. We can indiscriminately practice this with anyone we come in contact with, not because we necessarily like them, or think they’re right, but to show them we value them as a human being.
As individuals, we can set the tone in our sphere of influence. The norms and expectations perpetuated in our daily interactions influence the behaviors of others. When people are treated kindly and feel valued and respected, they are more willing to invest, contribute, and engage.
Kindness is a healthy antidote to an ugly virus. Piero Ferrucci, a psychotherapist, philosopher, and author of the book The Power of Kindness, suggests we try an experiment during an ordinary life situation that demonstrates the power of simple acts of kindness. He suggests we start with exchanging a few words, making eye contact, or striking up a conversation. This is easier for some than others. Even if you are not one of those people who enjoy striking up conversations in elevators, long lines at your local grocery store, or even waiting in dreadful bathroom lines, test it out.
The most important part of this exercise is to be fully present when engaged in these simple acts. Dr. Ferrucci describe how “Suddenly a change occurs. Something becomes unblocked and energy circulates.” And while “It might not be an encounter of two souls, it surely will be an exchange of vital energy between two people.” Now, this is a beautiful thing!
Moving from acts of rightness to acts of kindness includes being kind to yourself. None of us are perfect or the best at everything and there will be times when we cause hurt or harm. This is where the head and the heart often struggle. We must learn to give ourselves grace and kindness. If you need permission – permission granted!
Rather than trusting in your perfection, learn to trust in your disciplined effort to know yourself better. This includes your triggers, habits, strengths, and weaknesses. When you can recognize your own humanity, you are better able to get yourself out of the way.
Kindness shines to others through this humility – not because you are from the same tribe, or of the same thinking. And not because you are acting out of self-interest, calculated generosity, or superficial etiquette. Rather, our humility helps us see each other’s humanity and recognize our humanity in them.
When we step up and role model kindness before rightness in our homes, communities, and workplaces, we make a significant difference in the mental health of those around us. We can be an antidote for the virus of rightness over kindness wherever we are. Kindness begets kindness.
Titter Time:
“Kindness is free – sprinkle that stuff everywhere.” – Unknown
Kathy Scott, Ph.D. and Bridget Sarikas, Executive Contributors Brainz Magazine
Kathy Scott, Ph.D., and Bridget Sarikas have seen plenty of stale, uninspiring, and unhealthy leadership styles during their respective 30+ year careers in various industries. They saw the same old leadership structures (hierarchical), the same old mindset (my way or the highway), and the same old reaction to change (blame and shame). Now they are on a mission to help individuals and organizations be more purposeful, live more intentionally, and make better choices to promote their personal resilience and professional success.
Kathy and Bridget are partners and co-founders of L3 Fusion LLC. A niche firm focused on transformational leadership that helps individuals and organizations maneuver through the chaos and complexity of today’s organizations and move to a healthier way of living leading, and learning. Using the science of systems thinking and psychology, they help others overcome the unhealthy status quo and move with the intention to achieve their goals – moving from surviving to thriving. They do this with a dose of humor, science, and stories from the field.
Kathy and Bridget are also Amazon's bestselling co-authors of the book “Stupid Gone Viral – When Science and Reality Collide,” a new approach to leadership that helps the reader develop their own path to success that ensures they are NEVER underestimated as a leader!
References:
AXA Europe. A report on mental health and well-being in Europe.
Ferrucci, P. (2006). The Power of Kindness: The Unexpected Benefits of Leading a Compassionate Life. New York: Penguin Group.
Panchai, N., Kamal, R., Cox, C., & Garfield, R. (2021, February 10). The implications of COVID-19 for mental health and substance use. Kaiser Family Foundation. Accessed at The Implications of COVID-19 for Mental Health and Substance Use | KFF
Tanzi, A. (2021, August). U.S. mental health under growing strain in COVID’s second summer. Bloomberg Equality. Accessed at U.S. Mental Health Under Growing Strain in COVID’s Second Summer - Bloomberg
