Written by: Sherille Marquez, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Divorce is such a challenging journey that can truly affect a woman's emotional well-being. I experienced it myself when I found out my ex-spouse was having an affair.
Initially, I didn't realize how deeply it would impact my confidence until time passed, and my sense of self-worth slowly crumbled. This is an important topic to discuss, as I believe many women can connect with my story and why it's necessary to explore the idea of the quantum decay of self-worth in divorced women, especially those who have experienced betrayal, more deeply.
Throughout this article, we will explore divorce's emotional and psychological impact on women's self-worth, examining the factors contributing to the quantum decay. We will also discuss strategies and techniques I used for rebuilding confidence and overcoming self-doubt, empowering women to find inner strength and embrace personal growth.
The layers of quantum decay
Quantum decay of self-worth is an insidious process that occurs in layers, slowly eroding our sense of self over time. It starts with a sense of loss and grief, as we mourn the end of our marriage and the life we thought we had.
The second layer is self-doubt. We start to question our decisions, our abilities, and our worth. We wonder if we could have done things differently, if we're good enough, or if we'll ever find love again.
The third layer is isolation. As we struggle to come to terms with our new reality, we may withdraw from friends and family, preferring to be alone with our thoughts and feelings.
Finally, there's the layer of despair. This is the deepest layer, where we feel helpless, hopeless, and without purpose. We may struggle with depression, anxiety, or other mental health issues.
I went through all of these layers unconsciously. I did not understand that my rapid weight gain (28 lbs in 8 months) was due to my body reacting to the stress of my divorce. I felt very isolated, dealing with so much shame—from my health to financial distress—and seeing everyone else living "normally” was more than I could handle. It was the first time in my life I had ever been depressed, as I'm inherently a very happy person.
Coping with low self-worth: Navigating the emotional landscape
Divorce is like going through a major earthquake that shakes up your entire world and leaves you feeling disoriented and vulnerable. I describe it as an emotional roller coaster with a five-point harness! While this intense emotional roller coaster of coping with low self-worth can be overwhelming, it's important to remember that healing is more than possible if you choose to do the inner work.
One of the keys to healing from divorce is taking care of your emotional well-being. This means acknowledging your emotions and allowing yourself to feel them without judgment. It's okay to cry and scream; your emotions are valid and need to be expressed and released. I would take out my anger and frustration with aggressive punching on a boxing bag or pedaling super hard on a spin bike.
Another important aspect of coping with low self-worth is practicing self-care. This means taking time for yourself to do things that make you feel good. It could be something as simple as taking a hot bath, going for a walk in nature, or treating yourself to your favorite dessert. Self-care helps to replenish your energy, uplift your spirits and boost your confidence.
You can’t rush healing no matter how painful and uncomfortable it feels to sit with your emotions. Healing from divorce requires patience and self-compassion. It's okay to make mistakes along the way and to give yourself grace and time to heal. Be gentle with yourself and remind yourself that you are worthy and deserving of love and respect.
The science of betrayal: Understanding the mind-body effects
Betrayal - the ultimate form of rejection. It hits you like a ton of bricks, leaving you reeling with emotions. Having experienced betrayal firsthand from someone who was the last person I thought would betray me, I understand the physics and science of it all too well.
I didn't feel it for a while and thought I was "good" until I started unconsciously eating my emotions away. Betrayal from a partner triggers deep-seated insecurities, leading to a significant decline in self-worth.
Betrayal can have real and measurable consequences on your health. The stress caused by betrayal can lead to physical manifestations such as headaches, stomach issues, and even heart problems.
When we experience betrayal, the body releases stress hormones like cortisol, which can lead to inflammation and overstimulation of the immune system, making us more susceptible to illness.
Betrayal not only leaves a lasting impact on the body but also on the mind. Depression and anxiety were foreign to me. The only way I could articulate how I felt when people would ask was, “I feel like I lost my mojo” and “I feel like there’s a dark cloud over me, and it won’t go away."
The emotional trauma caused by betrayal can have long-lasting effects on a person's mental health. It can lead to anxiety, depression, and even post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
The mind-body connection is undeniable, and betrayal can disrupt the delicate balance between the two, causing a cascade of negative effects.
The first thing you can do to begin healing is take care of yourself. Do fun things that reduce stress and promote relaxation, such as yoga, meditation, or a nice walk in nature. Seek professional help if needed, and don't hesitate to lean on your support system of friends and family.
Overcoming self-doubt: embracing inner strength
As I reflect on my own journey of rebuilding self-worth after divorce, overcoming self-doubt has been a critical step in my personal growth. It's easy to fall into the trap of negative self-talk and doubt our own abilities, especially after a major life upheaval like divorce especially one resulting from betrayal.
I've learned that embracing our inner strength is the key to rebuilding self-worth and thriving beyond divorce. It has allowed me to turn my pain into purpose to help other divorced women going through a similar experience.
I created “5 Steps to Unleash the Warrior Woman Within”, a self-worth mindset shift workbook that has had transformational effects for those who apply the techniques. Read on for some practical strategies that have helped me overcome self-doubt:
Acknowledge your thoughts and feelings
The first step in overcoming self-doubt is to acknowledge your thoughts and feelings without judgment. Recognize that it's natural to have doubts and fears, but don't let them control your actions or beliefs about yourself. Allow them to come up, regardless of how uncomfortable, and let them rise up and out from inside of you.
Celebrate your accomplishments
Taking time to celebrate your accomplishments, no matter how small, helps boost your self-confidence and remind you of your strengths. Make a list of your achievements and review them regularly. This constant reminder begins to rewire the negative beliefs you have about yourself into one of empowerment.
Surround yourself with positive influences
Surrounding yourself with positive influences, whether they're supportive friends and family or inspiring role models, can help boost your sense of self-worth. Look for communities or groups that align with your values and interests. Watching motivational videos on YouTube was part of my morning routine and helped in getting me into the right mindset at the start of my day.
"Believe in yourself and all that you are. Know that there is something inside you that is greater than any obstacle." - Christian D. Larson
The quantum journey to healing: Finding inner balance
Healing from divorce is not a linear process but rather a quantum journey that requires patience, self-compassion, and a deep commitment to emotional well-being. I made a decision to heal, no matter how afraid, lost, and uncertain I felt. I knew the hard inner work I was doing would not only have a profound effect on my life but also on the lives of my children and how I showed up in the world.
One of the most effective ways to find inner balance is through mindfulness and meditation practice.
Embracing mindfulness for emotional healing
Scientific studies have proven that practicing mindfulness reduces stress, anxiety, and improves emotional well-being. By focusing on the present moment and allowing thoughts and emotions to flow freely without judgment, we can gradually release emotional baggage that may be weighing us down.
Starting a mindfulness practice may seem daunting at first, but there are many resources available to help you get started. There are several apps, such as Headspace, Insight Timer and Calm, that provide guided meditations and mindfulness exercises. Check out my sleep guided meditation video for resilience and courage.
Self-care for emotional well-being
Another essential component of emotional healing is self-care. Take care of yourself by engaging in joyful and relaxing activities to maintain your physical, emotional, and mental health. One way to find inner peace and rejuvenate your soul is by indulging in simple pleasures like taking a bubble bath, reading a book, or spending time in nature.
It's important to make self-care a priority, especially during times of transition and emotional turmoil. By nurturing your emotional well-being, you are investing in your future and setting the foundation for a fulfilling and joyful life.
The power of connection and support
Finding connection and support is crucial in the healing journey. Having trusted family and friends who were non-judgmental and supportive was incredibly healing for me. They were loving and allowed a safe space for me to be vulnerable and share my feelings.
Healing is not a journey you have to take alone. Reigniting your self-worth and embracing inner balance is something that many women like me have achieved, and so can you if you are willing, ready and open to do whatever it takes to transform yourself and your life for the better.
The power of self-love: Nurturing inner worth
I’m constantly being asked which practice is the most powerful when it comes to healing. The key to overcoming the quantum decay of self-worth after divorce is self-love. Self-love is not just a buzzword; it's the foundation of personal growth after divorce.
This is easier said than done, especially with all the programming we’ve been downloading for years. Practicing self-love means cultivating a deep sense of appreciation and compassion for yourself, recognizing your inherent value, and prioritizing your emotional and physical well-being.
As a woman born in Filipino culture, I grew up thinking that self-love is selfish and that everyone’s needs must come before your own. Not only is it not selfish, but self-love is a responsibility. When we love ourselves, we show up differently in the world. We are kinder, more compassionate, and empathetic.
Start nurturing self-love with small, intentional actions that demonstrate your commitment to yourself. Here are a few tips:
1. Practice self-care
Do things that you love and that give you inner peace. My favorites include going to the spa, hanging out with family and friends, and working out. Prioritize your health by eating well, getting enough sleep, and staying active. Avoid anything that makes you feel less than including watching the news, people and situations. Your spirit and soul deserve to feel uplifted and nurtured.
2. Set boundaries
Say no to things and people that don't serve you or your highest good and yes to things that do. Taking care of yourself is super important, so make sure to set healthy boundaries with people who drain your energy and instead, choose to surround yourself with those who uplift and support you. Only allow yourself to be surrounded by positivity and love! Remember that what you allow is what will continue.
3. Positive affirmations
Affirmations are powerful tools for building self-love. Write down positive affirmations and recite them to yourself daily, such as "I am worthy," "I am enough," and "I am deserving of love and happiness." Take it a step further and amplify their power by saying your affirmations out loud in front of a mirror at least three times a day. Learn about the study of sound called cymatics and how it transforms every cell in your body in my Instagram post.
It takes time and effort, but practicing self-love is the foundation that will help you rebuild your self-worth, reclaim your power, and create a life that’s better than before you were divorced.
Conclusion
As I wrap up this article, I want to leave you with one final thought. Divorce is arduous, no doubt about it. But, beautiful soul, you are valuable, capable, resilient, and a warrior woman. You have the power within you to overcome the quantum decay of self-worth and are fully deserving of a life overflowing with joy, love, peace, and fulfillment. Let this truth guide you as you rebuild self-worth, reinvent yourself, and pursue your dreams and aspirations.
If you're feeling inspired and ready to learn the fundamentals and simple processes you can apply to reclaim your power and live a life by design, email me to get on the waitlist for my free upcoming workshop, “Biohacking Your Best Life After Divorce.”
Be sure to subscribe to our newsletter, “She Thrives,” for tips and strategies on how to live an empowered life and access free resources exclusively for our She Thrives community.
Sherille Marquez, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Sherille leads powerful transformations for divorced women, drawing from her own experience navigating a devastating divorce while raising two boys. This personal journey is now her life's mission, dedicating herself to helping others reclaim their power and build authentic, fulfilling lives through personalized coaching and transformative programs. Sherille is certified in Holistic Life and Mind-Body Coaching, Past Life Regression Hypnosis (QHHT), Holistic Nutrition, and Reiki.
