Written by: Brandi Ducote, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
What do substance abuse, obsessive-compulsive behaviors, doom scrolling, workaholism, compulsive spending, and many other mental health concerns have in common? Avoidance. More specifically, avoidance of unwanted or uncomfortable emotions.
Many people enter my office with the assumption that there are certain “bad” or negative emotions to eliminate from their lives. It is this belief, however, that often contributes to an individual remaining stuck in unhealthy avoidance patterns. Instead, I offer a perspective shift to view all emotions as neutral. Once we begin to view our emotional world through this lens, we are free to be curious about what they are trying to communicate and what we need to change in our lives.
Here we’ll look at 5 core emotions ̶ fear, sadness, anger, and joy. As they are connected to our basic survival responses of fight and flight, emotions are intended to provide us with information about ourselves and give us the energy needed to take action to meet our needs. Each emotion has an action urge attached to it, which signals its function.
Fear, often related to the flight response, gives us the energy to move away (flee) from a threat. The purpose of fear is self-preservation. Without it, we would walk right into that cave in the woods, ignoring the growl of the bear that rests within. Sadness, which tells us to seek support from others, serves the purpose of pulling communities together. Anger tells us to attack or aggress and is connected to the fight response. It motivates us to set boundaries where necessary and protect what is important to us. Anger can also be described as a secondary emotion, as it stands up for the more vulnerable feelings of fear and sadness. Joy shows up as a signal that one of our needs has been met. It tells us to seek more of the things that are important to us.
Avoidance
Emotional avoidance can look a lot of different ways. In short, it is anything that we do to stuff down our unwanted feelings. This prevents our emotions from serving their intended purpose and the energy attached to them becomes trapped within us, often creating other issues like anxiety and depression. How do we begin to break this pattern of avoidance? The first step is to acknowledge the feeling.
Name it to tame it
Initially coined by Dr. Daniel Siegel, founding co-director of the Mindful Awareness Research Center at UCLA, “Name It to Tame It”, describes the technique of identifying your feelings in the moment to signal to your body that you are paying attention, rather than avoiding the cues it is sending to you. By simply stating out loud, “I feel…” we can gain valuable insight about what it is that we really need (hint: it’s probably not another pair of shoes or a plate of cookies). So, next time you begin to feel any emotion, rather than picking up your phone to scroll through social media to stuff down the discomfort of the feeling, simply state out loud, “I feel [insert unwanted emotion]” and notice what feels different in your body.
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Brandi Ducote, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Brandi Ducote is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and the owner of Somatic Psychotherapy San Diego. As a highly sensitive person (HSP) who has struggled with chronic anxiety and associated somatic symptoms throughout her life, she has learned what it takes to break free of deeply engrained, destructive patterns of coping and how to build a life full of meaning and joy. In her practice today, she passes on this valuable knowledge to help others live in a way that is more congruent with who they are at their core.
