Written by: Jeff Moore, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
During an episode of HBO’s “The White Lotus,” a young woman named Portia was staying at an upscale resort in Sicily working as a personal assistant for a wealthy guest. During breakfast one morning she broke down. While another person at her table takes smiling selfies with the gleaming ocean in the background, she glanced across the terrace at her boss. “Is everything boring?” she asks, her voice trembling. I just feel like there must’ve been a time when the world had more, you know? Like mystery or something. And now you come somewhere like this, and it’s beautiful, and you take a picture, and then you realize that everybody’s taking that exact same picture from that exact same spot and you’ve just made some redundant content for stupid Instagram.”
During my work with companies I have met plenty of young people who long to experience more ‘mystery’ in their lives, but they’re too immersed in the virtual world that Portia describes. They struggle to form meaningful relationships. Most importantly, they struggle to build a strong relationship to self, the internal conversation you have with yourself. Every action that a person takes begins with this conversation. If you possess a strong relationship to self, you operate from the inside-out. There’s a flame burning inside of you that can’t be extinguished. You thrive when challenged to move outside your comfort zone and you know no limits.
People who live in the virtual world operate from the outside-in. They lack a strong relationship to self because they’re conditioned to look at the world through the eyes of other people who they imagine are looking back at them. In We’re Already Living in the Metaverse, Megan Garber writes that ‘social media has made each person into a ‘performing self.’” In the virtual world people perform within their limitations because their goal is simply to compare favorably with others. Self-worth is based on the number of ‘likes’ received and the pressure to be ‘liked’ is so intense that even posting ‘redundant content’ can meet the need. “The world’s a stage’ was once a metaphor,” Garber says. “Today, it’s a dull description of life in the metaverse.”
Young people are particularly vulnerable to becoming a ‘performing self’ because they have also been pressured to perform in the real world. For many young people a personal branding campaign is launched on their behalf beginning at birth. Their lives become a marketing strategy, choreographed to avoid any (perceived) wrong turns. This leaves them ill-equipped as young adults to handle the wrong turns that they will inevitably experience. Many young adults are stressed about living performative lives. They are ready to experience uncertainty, adventure and self-discovery, things that make life worth living. They just don’t know how to access it. “In a functioning society, ‘I’m a real person’ goes without saying,” Garber says. “In ours it’s a desperate plea.”
I help companies build championship teams. Championship teams are built from the inside-out. You can’t build strong relationships with others unless you build a strong relationship with yourself. I challenge people to ignite their inner flame and wrestle with the concepts of ‘real person’ versus ‘performing self.’
It was fascinating to watch this unfold during a recent workshop I did with sales development teams at Auctane. I took the teams through an exercise that involved having each team member think about a project they were part of that failed and how things might have gone better if they had been more self-accountable. I urged them to ask themselves questions like: “Could I have been more willing to tackle particularly gnarly problems? Could I have persevered through some of the more difficult patches? Should I have spoken up when things started to go downhill?”
Not surprisingly, most of their stories focused on deflecting accountability to others with statements like “If my teammates had done their part…” or “If my manager had made the decision to…”. Others talked about what “we” should have done rather than what “I” could have done. These are common responses that I receive, at least initially. It’s not easy for people to be vulnerable in front of others.
Tracy Ekeocha’s story was one of the exceptions.
Tracy was an honor student with a nearly perfect attendance record at Little Elm High School. He was the starting point guard on the highly rated basketball team and he was voted Homecoming King. Little Elm was a big school and Tracy was a big man on campus.
Going into Tracy’s senior season it looked like the basketball team had a chance to make a deep run in the playoffs, but things had not trended in that direction during the regular season and tension was building as the playoffs approached. It came to a head unexpectedly in the middle of an otherwise routine practice.
The coach abruptly stopped the action, got in Tracy’s face in front of the whole team, and screamed “This team will only go as far as you take it! You need to step up! You need to become a leader!” There was a stunned silence in the gym. You could hear a pin drop. The coach, known for his laid back demeanor, had suddenly erupted. Tracy was in shock. Did his coach fail to understand all that he had achieved? “I don’t deserve this!” he thought.
But instead of pointing fingers at teammates or complaining about how his coach handled the situation, Tracy told his Auctane teammates that he wished he’d responded to his coach’s challenge. He focused on what more he could have brought to the team. In hindsight, he recognized that he had become a high functioning “performing self” with an impeccable personal brand and that his coach wanted to see more of Tracy, the ‘real person.’
On a championship team leaders don’t want their direct reports to simply follow directions. They empower their direct reports by challenging them with questions like “What do you see?” Similarly, the best point guards are an extension of the coach on the court. Tracy wasn’t seeing much because he was unwilling to assert himself by finding ways to get to the rim to force the defense to collapse, creating more openings for his teammates. He had settled into a safe role as ‘facilitator’ so as not to imperil his brand. He wished that he had been more of an instigator. He was good at identifying cracks in opposing defenses, but he wasn’t willing to fully commit to acting on the intel.
A point guard’s inner flame must always be burning hot. Tracy’s had been on low heat.
By being so openly self-accountable, Tracy and a few of his teammates helped ignite an inner flame in several of their teammates who had held back. Things got real quickly. There was tension in the air. I could sense that wrestling matches between “real person” and “performing self” were breaking out all over the room. It was exhilarating to watch team members shed remnants of their ‘performing self.’ They were no longer prisoners to what other people think. They were well on their way to becoming a championship team.
Most companies are built from the outside-in. They don’t just brand their products. They brand their people by promoting their culture with stock pictures of people climbing a mountain or leaping over a crevasse captioned by a catchy quote from a trending pundit, content that Portia might describe as “boring” and “redundant.” There is no mystery about what they do. They perform within their limitations because their goal is simply to compare favorably with The Competition.
Championship teams have a mystique about them. They exude a spirit, the sense that everyone involved is excited about getting better every day. You can’t describe what they do in words. It’s just a powerful feeling.
You never know what to expect from them because they know no limits. Their inner flame is always burning and it can’t be extinguished!
Jeff Moore, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Jeff is the CEO of Moore Leadership LLC. He helps business leaders build championship companies by cultivating Strivership, an ethic of continuous improvement based on the origin of competition: 'to strive together.' Striving together is crucial in an age of innovation because people must continually embrace the challenge of stretching beyond perceived limitations. Championship companies exude a spirit of Strivership, the sense that everyone involved is excited about getting better together every day.
During his coaching career at the University of Texas, Jeff's Longhorn Tennis Teams won 2 NCAA Championships, appeared in 2 NCAA finals, advanced to 3 Final Fours, and won 18 conference titles. He is a member of the Longhorn Hall of Honor and the College Tennis Hall of Fame. He has also been named National Coach of the Year and was Conference Coach of the Year 10 times.
Jeff's clients have included Applied Materials, Harvard, Bazaarvoice, University of North Carolina, Civitas Learning, Vanderbilt, Auctane, Northwestern, Infinia ML, and Powwater and he is the author of "Strive Together: Achieve Beyond Expectations in a Results-Obsessed World."
