What Is Self-Sabotage And 9 Steps To Stop It
- Oct 7, 2022
- 4 min read
Written by: Maya Zack, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Self-sabotage is when you actively, passively, consciously, or unconsciously take steps to prevent yourself from reaching your goals.
This is powered by underlying fear & self-doubt, which undermine your efforts to create what you want, whether in life or business.
You perpetuate patterns of thinking & behaving that create ongoing problems.
What's worse is that you can't see the patterns until you're hit with a setback.
It's an incredibly frustrating cycle that lowers your self-confidence and makes you feel stuck.
So it’s a good idea to recognise self-sabotage patterns before unwanted results happen.
How do you know if you are self-sabotaging?
The easiest way is by thinking about your actions more than your intention. Are they aligned with what you want?
Some common signs of self-sabotage include:
Avoidance, resistance, procrastination & making excuses. You know some action will benefit you or move you forward, but you still don't do it.
Setting goals too low (not motivating) or too high (you feel are out of reach).
Staying in your comfort zone & resisting change.
Perfectionism.
Negative inner conversation & self-criticism.
Lack of self-care or engaging in unhealthy behaviours (e.g., addictions, excessive screen-scrolling, unhealthy eating, etc.).
Creating unnecessary conflict in communication and relationships.
What is it that makes you do these? After all, you just want to be happy, achieve your goals, and enjoy life, right?
Here's what's really going on, subconsciously.
Fear of uncertainty – it’s all about our expectations. We think and behave in ways that help us predict our future. Knowing what's coming makes us feel more in control ‒ whether it's a 'successful', happy prediction or not.
Distortion beliefs – if you believe you’ll fail, you’ll make sure to behave in a way that proves your mind right. Because whether it works for or against you, your mind loves being right. And again, you know what to expect. Most often, these come from past experiences or thoughts that originally weren't even your own but that you've heard over and over till you adopted them.
Fear of failure – you worry about screwing up, so you’d rather excuse yourself by not taking action.
Fear of success – because you feel you don’t really deserve it, or you worry about being exposed as a fraud (AKA imposter syndrome).
Low self-esteem or self-worth – you feel like you're not good enough. This can sometimes come from traumatic past experiences.
The lack of successful experiences this mindset results in creates even more fear, insecurity, and a weaker self-image. It then creates a loop because it'll create a future situation to keep matching these.
It keeps on repeating, never-ending in a happy place. It’s an endless cycle.
So how do you become free of self-sabotage and break this vicious cycle?
Recognise that your mind is a powerful tool. It's not some magic force or something you can't control. It's a tool for you to learn how to use. You can take control of it and create new thinking habits.
The first step is to recognize how you’re operating on this 'automatic program.' No meaningful change happens without self-awareness. Observe yourself, and pay attention to whether your actions are aligned with your dreams & values or whether they’re coming out of fear & negative beliefs. Once you know how it works, you can start to 'reprogram.'
Make a decision to stop seeing every situation through your fears and doubts or attaching your experiences to them.
Use mindset tools that access your subconscious. Whether it’s self-hypnosis, the Sedona Method, meditation, or whatever works for you. But do it. Because the underlying beliefs and fears need to change at the level, they were created and maintained.
Set clear & meaningful goals & create a strategic action plan. Then commit & follow the plan.
Be your friend. Practice replacing automatic negative self-talk. Speak to yourself as you would with a friend you love, with acceptance, encouragement & forgiveness.
Make small changes, one step at a time. Self-sabotage thinking & actions are usually habitual. To break habits, you need to make gradual, incremental changes. Start with changing just one thought or action a day. Once you’re on a roll, add another one.
Focus on strengths. Know yours & find ways to use them. This builds more confidence & self-esteem.
Get coaching. Professional support will help you make these changes faster & easier (check out my 90 days Rise & Shine program here).
You CAN stop getting in the way of your own happiness & success.
You CAN start living a life you truly value and are excited about.
You CAN be the person you are in your heart & soul.
All you need is a strong desire for positive change, the courage to take uncomfortable action, and the determination to see it through.
Follow me on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, and visit my website for more info! Read more from Maya!
Maya Zack, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Maya Zack is an award-winning personal development & mindset coach, peak performance specialist, and hypnotherapist.
Based in the UK, she works internationally, mainly with women entrepreneurs as well as with businesses, to create high-performance teams that aim to make a positive impact on people’s lives.
She helps business owners, leaders, and teams free themselves from mental & emotional habits or blocks that prevent them from experiencing more success or slowing it down. She has developed her unique signature 8-week step-by-step mindset makeover programs for aspiring as well as already established entrepreneurs that change thinking & feeling patterns on the deepest, subconscious level, reprogramming their minds for success so that new habits & behaviours quickly become automatic and effortless.
She believes it’s so important to our lives, joy, and fulfillment to be doing what we love and daring to go for it regardless of the outcome. So many are held back by fear, and she wants to change that. She believes success happens from the inside out alongside mindset mastery and that as humans with imagination, we have the incredible capacity to become free, powerful creators of ourselves and our lives.
