Written by: Liz Merrill, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Intimate partner violence alone affects more than 12 million people every year.
96% of dating adults report experiencing emotional and verbal abuse.
48% of people experience psychological aggression from an intimate partner.
57% of college students say it's difficult to identify dating and intimate partner abuse.
As a divorce mediator and divorce coach specializing in high conflict relationships, I see a lot of abuse in all its many, insidious forms in older, usually married, people.
As a mother of three teenage girls, I am starting to see early signs of relationship abuse in younger people.
Relationship abuse starts early often at home, setting patterns of unhealthy dynamics that can last a lifetime. Combine that with the fact that the line between romantic and unhealthy behavior is constantly being blurred in the media and you have a recipe for an explosion of domestic violence in young people, who often don’t have the tools to fight it, or even recognize it.
Psychological (also called emotional or relationship abuse) is a form of intimate partner or teen dating violence (TDV). It includes verbal and non-verbal communication, as well as the contact that takes place electronically. The common thread is that emotional abuse is done “with the intent to harm another person mentally or emotionally or exert control over another person,” according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.
The longer someone experiences abuse, co-dependency, and interpersonal violence, the harder it becomes for them to overcome it: today’s teenagers who are suffering from relationship abuse may become tomorrow’s divorce coaching clients or worse. There are too many “red flags” evident in our culture, media, children’s conversations, and lives. At Open Space Mediation, we believe that early relationship abuse education and intervention can help young people avoid a lifetime of conflict cycles, domestic abuse, and codependency. And for that reason, we are launching a social media campaign designed to empower and educate young people to recognize and combat signs of emotional and verbal abuse in their relationships.
Love Is Not.
is a campaign that will place information, education, and engagement for teens where they hang out the most: on social media. Right now, we are looking for collaborators and supporters who want to team up with Open Space Mediation to reach out to our young people and help them create a life free of abuse. We need content creators, thought partners, and financial supporters who share our passion for peaceful relationships and empowered youth culture.
Everyone deserves a life free of abuse, but often when you are in the middle of an abusive relationship, it can be easy to miss the undercurrent of abusive behavior. Emotional abuse can be very subtle. Recognizing signs emotional and verbal is key to gaining awareness, making empowered decisions, and building safe boundaries. Once you know what the “red flags” are, you are better able to see them waving miles away!
Emotional abuse is one of the hardest forms of abuse to identify. It can be subtle or it can be overt and manipulative. Many people don't realize that abuse isn't just physical. Below are some signs to look out for.
Signs of Psychological Abuse
Threatening to hurt you, your loved ones, your pets, your children, or your possessions
Controlling the time you spend with others or monitoring where you go
Controlling what you wear, often with the accusation that you attract too much attention
Damaging or stealing your belongings
Blaming you for the abuse, saying that you deserve what happens or that you instigated the problem
Gaslighting: saying things to make you question your perception of reality, such as “That never happened, you never remember correctly"
Signs of Emotional Abuse
Attacking your sense of self-worth
Insulting you, calling you names, criticizing you, humiliating you
Acting jealous or possessive, accusing you of being with other partners
Withholding affection or acknowledgment in order to punish you
Cheating on you intentionally
Lying to you
If you or someone you know needs support in their relationships, now is a great time to step up and step in either by helping them identify smart next moves or by engaging with us to spread the word that love is not abuse.
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Liz Merrill, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Liz Merrill is a Mediator and a Divorce Coach with a specialization in High Conflict and Narcissistic relationships. She lectures regularly on high conflict divorce strategies and is a sought-after speaker and podcast guest. She also engages in regular pro bono work for families who are experiencing financial hardship and offers pro bono services through various nonprofits and the Colorado Court system. Her understanding of psychological and physiological reactions to trauma, conflict, and anxiety brings a holistic approach to her work with families caught in the High Conflict cycle. After her own litigious high-conflict divorce, she saw the need for a holistic approach to divorce mediation, which included non-violent communication skills, managing trauma, and an understanding of how personality traits and personality disorders create high conflict in a divorce. When she started working as a mediator for the courts, she discovered how badly equipped most divorce professionals are to manage the specific needs of people in high conflict relationships and how damaging it can be to the individuals and, most importantly, the children and family systems. Now she helps hundreds of people in crisis find workable solutions so they can reduce anxiety, save money, and move on with their lives.
