Written by: Taaureane Rasheediah Paquette, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
3:53 am. I’m sitting here with my phone firmly in my hands, typing my latest article, before I forget what I wanted to write. It’s the internal pressure that keeps that kindling going before writer’s block sets in. It’s been a little since I’ve been able to actually sit and write without feeling as though I’m missing a pending deadline. It’s now a ritual for me, sticky notes on my computer desk, notes jotted down in my journal, ideas are always flowing from this mind. In reality, I’m not by any means, besides the ones I put in front of myself, my blog, and for Brainz. That’s more so a factor, so I don’t fall behind or get too comfortable and try to just “coast” by. I want to put all of my energy into each of the projects I have on the table.
Each of them embodies what I do as a person, whether it’s my voice you are hearing or my words that you can read. I’m not a professional in any way. That’s my disclaimer. What I am, is someone who speaks from her own experiences, for you to gain some clarity in your own life. With Taaury37, I’ve discovered who I was as a person, not just an echo anymore but an actual beacon of knowledge. Learning more as I go on so that my message resonates with so many more people. While I’m not out here making a million dollars, the difference that I do make is not something I can’t completely put into words.
I decided to take more active on other social media recently, including Tik Tok. Tik Tok, which is known mostly for the dancing, makeup, or workout tutorials, can also be used to educate. Speaking on there, while a little nervous and yes, it takes me about 12-15 tries to make the “perfect” video, the responses have been rewarding. Not everyone is going to just come out and say, “Hey, I suffer from a mental health disorder. Can you help me?” While most will publicly comment on my content, privately, they are also there, and I am always open to helping those who just an ear to listen or lean on. I’ve been there, those dark moments of crying endlessly, wondering when it gets better. For some, it doesn’t; it’s hard to completely uproot the life you live, you know and make the changes necessary to move on.
At my lowest point in my depression, I can remember having panic attacks that would absolutely paralyze me, that I thought I was dying. To not have full control over my emotions and body is not something I would like to discuss, but it’s so necessary. As the EMTs said to me, fear is the leading cause of why this happens, especially if you are asleep and unaware. Their calm demeanors, as well as reassurance that it wasn’t my fault, brought me back to reality. What I’m talking about was a recent event, and during a time where I can’t have anyone with me, it’s a terrifying feeling. Sitting in the dark of the room, vials of blood being drawn, test being run and hearing the medical lingo for what is next. During the few times I’ve been on a monitor, it’s either unnerving or calming, depending on your mindset. Knowing the most important person to me in this world is always available to me, even if it’s just his voice, that’s my solace.
That’s right, when the experts sometimes burn out occasionally. I sometimes have to stop and realize, practice what you preach to others. Sometimes I run completely on E, and still let the fumes keep me going. Nothing is gained in that aspect, and can be viewed as self-sabotage from the outside. Take care of YOU, so that you can serve the ones who need you most. I can’t tell you how good it felt to not set the alarm this morning, to actually sleep despite my body’s aches and pains from being sick. Gastrointestinal issues aren’t a joke, it’s a very painful way of life, but ironically it happened right before my success.
The Universe often brings us struggles before we hit the promised land. If I hadn’t gotten sick recently, I wouldn’t have met some of the most amazing people who are so selfless in patient care. This and finally receiving the correct diagnosis, after months of struggling for answers, thank you Dr. Longo! Working in healthcare right now, we are tired and pushing ourselves to the absolute brink to make sure that your loved ones are cared for. It’s never easy for the worker to be a patient, but lately, it’s happening more and more. That’s is why I do what I do by text, or talking to me in passing, I the nonjudgmental source of comfort and in your corner. As a recovering people pleaser, I know what it means to be an outsider now. You know what, it doesn’t matter to me, I’ve outgrown many in my life, and that’s never been more apparent as now.
Writing will always be my way of expressing myself and my truths. It’s better than a word vomit conversation, although if you know me, I can hold my own. As I continue this wild ride of a journey, I say thank you to those who have stuck by me since the beginning. This would include Ace, without you I have no idea where I would be right, truly the man who would move Heaven and Earth for me, I love you more than words can ever say. My best friends, Lisa, Melissa and Mikki, for seeing the potential I had when I first shared this crazy idea of Taaury37. I love you guys for the unwavering support. Dovalina and Jean, for reading from the start what I was becoming and being my biggest cheerleaders and mentors, your guidance has been everything to me. My Dad and Mumzy, for always believing in me and my dreams. Last but not least, my SC family, you have shared, read and listened, and given the most amazing feedback always.
I would have never taken this chance if not for you. I’m an introverted person who has always been behind the scenes. No longer does that person exists, Taaureane is ready to share herself and all that she has to offer the world. In the back of my mind, I will always hear “don’t you stop going, your star is on the rise” and “always be free with your mind Taaury”. This is just the beginning, I can’t wait to see where destiny and life’s stage leads me next.
Taaureane Rasheediah Paquette, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Taaureane Rasheediah Paquette, is a blogger and podcast host who specializes in mental health. As a child, she was the victim of abuse, which has helped her elevate her cause to the forefront. She is the creator of Taaury37, a brand that represents female empowerment and relationships with each other. Due to the pandemic, this was a lightbulb moment, that turned into a movement. In addition to the blog and podcast, she has created a proposal for female empowerment at her workplace. She is the host of Taaury37, which streams on Apple, Google, Spotify and more. Also has been featured as guest blogger on Dear Malaak, The Mighty and several independent magazines. Her mission: That victims of traumatic events to have a voice, and end the stigma of mental health.