Written by: Annie McKinnon, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Most of us, acknowledge the festive season has arrived as soon as the long, brightly decorated, Red Coca Cola truck advert rolls onto our TV screens belting out “holidays are coming”. And again, this year, the large American beverage corporation brings another cozy minute or so into our living rooms whilst claiming the real magic of Christmas is here.
What is the real magic of Christmas for you? Most people I know say spending time with family, children, and friends. But there is another way that is preferable to many people, including myself, and that is spending it on my own. Being alone, for me, is certainly not about feeling lonely but rather being happy spending It my way and without the pressure of all that Christmas brings. I’m not for one minute suggesting, I am not happy around those dearest to me. I love them all, it’s simply that I just want to have a peaceful, quiet Christmas on my own.
For me, Christmas, is that time of year, I know something else is approaching, something that’s been present in my life for the past 3 years. The question that will soon be asked by friends and family because they have a need to save me from my assumed loneliness. This comes in the form of me being urged to spend Christmas Day with them. Why? Because I’m single and live alone. Well not entirely alone, I have a dog, Bertie who is my perfect company! The thought of the question I know I will be asked many times, “what are you doing for Christmas this year Annie?” instantly makes my stomach drop and I think “oh damn, here we go again”. Are you someone like me who prefers their own space and dreads the many invites you know, will come your way? Polite people label me an introvert whilst others call me strange, weird, or downright stubborn, always with a note of annoyance in their voice because I don’t spring to their invitation with the enthusiasm, they expect.
December arrives and when my phone rings or I’m out socializing, which I do now and again, my intuition warns me that the dreaded question is about to flow from someone’s mouth. I take a deep breath and remind myself “Its ok to say no!” I smile and tell them how grateful I am for their offer and that I’m spending the day with my dog, Bertie. The idea being we will climb the 100 or so steps that takes me to another world I can’t believe is on my doorstep, the local country park that sits high above the town with Europe’s largest fishing fleet spread along the beach at the bottom, beckoning people to climb or for the less able, to take the steepest funicular in Europe to the top. The space is full of greenery, forest, and farm animals that stretches for miles. A world of peace and calmness with the most stunning views. I am so grateful to live in this town I have called home for the last 3 years. Bertie can go off lead and being a border terrier, can seek out rabbits that thankfully, he never catches. I get my daily dose of clean, fresh air and exercise before I head home to cook myself dinner, watch Christmas TV, of course, accompanied with lots of chocolate and a couple of glasses of my favorite wine for me and doggie treats for Bertie. Personally, I can’t think of a better way to spend the day.
My decline of all offers, however, does not go down too well and here was me thinking I was selling it! Immediately, I see the shock on their faces followed with “you can’t do that, no one should be alone at Christmas! Or “You need to find someone to spend Christmas with!” As much as I love them all and appreciate their concern, the truth is, I want to spend Christmas on my own with my dog. I love feeling free being out in the open with my own thoughts. Can you relate to this or am I the only one?
Life wasn’t always that way. I recall growing up feeling real pressure that I had to be part of a couple because being single was not deemed the “right” thing to be. This wasn’t something I thought much about at the time and my behavior in searching for a partner reflected that. I was obsessed with finding someone to share my life with because that’s what everyone did, wasn’t it? I also remember feeling inadequate and lonely when I was single. I realize now, I was so conditioned by everyone around me to believe that being single just wasn’t an option and that single people were only single because no one wanted them which I now see is ridiculous. Of course, many people want to be in a relationship but it’s not true for all of us.
I reflect back on my life and think how different it may have been if I had been brought up to think that being single was just fine and that it was, at least, an option. Rather than focusing my time on finding a partner I could have put my energy into what I felt was right for me. It wasn’t until my latest relationship ended 3 years ago that I began to really think about myself, and during this process, I discovered, I actually love living on my own. Being single has so many advantages that, for me, outweigh being in a relationship. I do what I want, when I want, how I want and with whom I want. When I tell people I am single they are always quite shocked and appear to not understand why I would want this for myself. This year, I have added another word which is unavailable, so, single, and unavailable, a nice ring to it don’t you think? I have to stress the unavailable part is important here because I really don’t want to be in a relationship right now. I added it so that people will stop taking on the responsibility of thinking they need to include me, although this is always done with love and the best intensions, I sure hope that this year, they understand and respect that yes, I truly want to be on my own for Christmas.
So, here’s a very happy Christmas to all of us that are single and unavailable!
To help you get through the holiday season declining invitations, here’s 5 tips to getting that day on your own and love every minute!
Acknowledge you want to spend Christmas on your own
Visualize your perfect Christmas day
When someone invites you to spend Christmas with them, explain what you are doing with enthusiasm
Know that it’s ok to say no!
Get in there first and tell everyone what you are doing before they can ask!
Annie McKinnon, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Annie McKinnon is a life coach, living out her passion and what she believes is her purpose, working with people so that they too can live their very best life. Annie's journey to coaching was as a result of the many challenges she faced growing up in Scotland, belonging to the LGBTQ+ community. Life for Annie was restrictive and oppressive. Annie understands the additional challenges the LGBTQ+ community face today and continually uses her voice to drive forward important discussions in areas such as equality, inclusion, belonging, progression, and education across society. Coaching, for Annie, is about that moment, where her clients have, what some call, “the lightbulb moment”. In Annie’s experience, it can be far more subtle and come across in a clients smile, tone of voice or even a movement. The moment her clients recognise their own power, strength and energy that confidently says “I’ve got this, and I know what I need to do to take me where I want to be”
