Written by: Karin Glannstam, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
The saddest thing about betrayal is that it never comes from your enemies.
Nothing hurts more than being disappointed by the person you thought would never hurt you.
If you are reading this right now, I am almost sure that you have been betrayed by someone close to you at least once in your life, maybe even more times.
It hurts. Really, really hurts. Some of the worst pains are inflicted on us by the people closest to us. The people that we trusted and thought would never hurt us. Sad but true.
You ask yourself, how could they have done this to me? Of course there will never be an answer to that question.
How do we deal with this betrayal? I know you probably don't want to hear this but I am going to say it anyway... forget about them and move on. They were lying to you and they were untrustworthy. Time to move on.
I know that it's hard to do and obviously this person was someone that you trusted and they got to a point where they were able to betray your trust and sometimes it feels like they were even able to destroy you.
First, you have to see this person for who they truly are. This person was not who you thought they were. The whole idea that this person was a good human being, that they were honest, kind, trustworthy and a faithful friend or companion, is not true. The person that you thought existed, did not exist. Actually, they never existed. It was all in your head that this person was trustworthy and that was somehow everything that you wanted them to be. They have now proved to you by their actions that it was a lie. The best thing you can to is to move on and get over it. Sometimes it can be a little more difficult to move on, especially if someone has tied themselves to you. A good example of this is if you have children together, then it might not be that easy to just move on. But you can actually mentally and emotionally move on. Detaching from this person emotionally is the best thing that you can do. Stop dwelling on what was and what could have been. If you keep on dwelling on what was and what could have been you will remain attached to them. Instead, deal with reality. Deal with what is right now. Accept it. The faster you accept the truth the faster you will be able to detach and move on.
Be grateful that you were able to recognize and learn before you had invested any more time into this relationship and this person. Be grateful that you found out when you did that this person was a liar and that you couldn't trust him/her. Be grateful that you found out today instead of years from now. I want you to also realize that there are plenty of good men and women out there in the world. Why don't you stop dwelling on the past and go out in the world and find a good one. They are out there. You will absolutely be able to find someone that is more in the alignment of what you actually do want. Don't get trapped by obsessing over a fantasy. Yes... it was a fantasy. It was an image that you made up in your own mind about this person. You built a fantasy. You are in love with a fantasy and it's time to stop being attached to it. Often when we build a fantasy around a person we have a tendency to ignore the red flags and we only remember the good times. And often we glorify the good times when it might only have been an hour or two per week. Just remember that the person that you assembled in your mind, does not exist. One great thing that you can start doing is to spend some time with yourself. It's perfectly OK to be by yourself. Enjoy being alone. Build a new relationship with yourself. Learn about yourself. Go on a path of self-discovery.
Start doing something productive like exercising, mediate, write, read, start a journal. Slowly start trusting yourself again.
When we have been betrayed by someone we often believe that our judgment is off. We trusted this person and somehow we didn't see the red flags and we automatically assume that our judgment is off. Look back and try to figure out the red flags that you missed. Learn so that the next time you will be able to recognize them right away. In the future, get to know people slowly. Be a little suspicious but learn to build trust after they prove themselves. Only share important things with people that have earned your trust. Slow down. Start with small steps. Learn to trust and rely on yourself again.
Move on Forget the person who lied to you Learn from the lesson Get to know yourself Trust yourself There are plenty of trustworthy human beings in the world. Go and find one.
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Karin Glannstam, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine Karin Glannstam is a Personal Success Coach specializing in helping people successfully get back on track after life has knocked them down. She has self-published 4 self-help books and she writes a weekly newsletter and blog. She is also very passionate about, fitness, health, and well-being and she runs a private Facebook group, Empower Yourself To Succeed. Born and raised in Sweden, Karin started out working as a nurse. In 1987 she moved to the US and today she spends her time between Texas and Sweden. Her mission is to inspire, empower and educate others to create a powerful vision for their life, develop a game plan and then take action on that plan to bridge the gap from where they are today to where they want to be in the future. Karin's motto is “Be Courageous, Take Action & Make It Happen!”
