Emotional Intelligence – How To Use Human Design To Simplify Love And Relationships
- Feb 17, 2024
- 4 min read
Updated: Feb 19, 2024
Written by: Dr Ann-Maree Barnes, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
It’s fair to say if you are human, the quality of your life is directly related to the quality of your relationships. We all want love and we all want to be understood.
Our emotional world is rich and fraught with the danger of misunderstandings, old baggage, self-limiting beliefs, and wounding. It’s bad enough to deal with this alone, but when two people come together, these complex universes combine and there can be magic and mayhem.
Human Design is a very practical tool that describes the mechanics of your Emotional Design. There are two broad types determined by whether the Solar Plexus centre in your BodyGraph is Defined or Undefined. You can find out which you are with a free BodyGraph here. The solar plexus is shown in the diagram and if yours is fully coloured in you have a defined Solar Plexus. If it is white, your Solar Plexus is undefined.
Now let’s get into what all of this means for you and your relationships.
Are you an emotional authority?
If your Solar Plexus is defined on your chart, congratulations! You are an Emotional Authority. This definition is so powerful, it dominates the way you make decisions in your life. You are an Emotional decision-maker. You are more likely to say Yes to something totally illogical just because it feels really good to you. People generally love being around you when you are on an emotional high – it’s infectious in a great way. But the opposite is also true, when you are in a low, your mood can destroy a room.
How conflict arises when opposites attract
Most relationships will typically arise from the natural attraction between Defined Emotional Centres and Undefined Emotional Centres. It’s true; opposites attract. We are all drawn to what we are not, and this is also true in Human Design.
When a centre is undefined such as the Solar Plexus, it amplifies the defined centre in another person. So for example, what can occur is an Emotional Authority, let’s call them Charlie, gets a bit fired up about the milk being spilled. Jo (with an Undefined centre) feels Charlie’s emotional volume amplified by 200% and feels like the world is ending and it’s all her fault.
Empaths often discover they have undefined Solar plexus centres in their Human Design. They have a natural ability to detect the emotional world of others.
Unfortunately, it becomes harmful and damaging when they take it a step further and attribute blame or guilt or other negative associations, feeling in some way responsible for creating the sensation in Charlie.
This can create maladaptive coping behaviour in Jo such as avoiding confrontation or avoiding the truth to circumvent being confronted with “strong feelings” from others.
Charlie also feels misunderstood and that he is rejected when he has strong feelings or is “too much”.
Charlie can learn from a young age that his emotions aren’t valid or welcome and this disconnects him from his most powerful compass for making correct decisions in his life.
Emotions aren’t the problem. It’s the story we attach to them
This simple, powerful lens that Human Design mechanics provides us, reinforces the truth that emotions are energy in motion. They are a natural part of the human experience and for roughly half of the population are vital to navigate life successfully.
It’s the stories and beliefs that we attach to emotions that do the most damage in relationships.
In all relationships: personal or professional.
Unfortunately, most of these stories and beliefs we learn from a very young age and they become unconscious programming that goes on to create reactive behaviours in us that sabotage healthy relationships.
The secret to healthy relationships
Radical self-responsibility and awareness
Emotional Authorities are carrying the opportunity to be a force of change. By their definition, they have the potential for awareness of their inner emotional world. Yes, it’s inner. The emotional wave of an Emotional Authority is as mechanical, or biochemical as the heart pumping or the hormonal cycle. It has a pattern and a rhythm that guides your life. It is not for others.
Take responsibility, learn your wave, and give your wave what it needs. It doesn’t need to become a mood. This is what happens when emotions are not allowed to move. Remember, it’s energy in motion. Take radical self-responsibility of your highs and your lows and their volume to others.
If you are undefined, don’t dismiss emotions or try to fix them. Understand that what you are feeling when you are around someone with emotional definition, simply does not belong to you. You don’t need to confront it, you don’t need to fix it and you are certainly not to blame. Create space and understanding and remove yourself from anything that feels too intense until that wave passes.
This is not easy work as adults because we love our patterns and stories so much. They keep us safe even if they are hurting us and each other.
But emotions are the life force! They are our humanity.
If you want to learn more about your Emotional Authority or the other mechanics driving who you are, this work is best approached with an experienced Human Design guide or mentor.
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Dr Ann-Maree Barnes, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
More than 20 years spent studying and working in medicine left Dr Ann-Maree with more questions than answers. She has tirelessly pursued knowledge across a range of disciplines including Ayurveda, Traditional Chinese Medicine and Integrative Health to uncover the optimal recipe for health and vitality. Only to find there isn’t one! Human Design has been the first system to really address the profound differentiation we have as humans and why one cure, is another’s poison. She is an advocate and activator of personal empowerment and breaking paradigms.
