Written by: Ibbie Aromolaran, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
We hear it all the time, “marry someone who is good for you, not for your family”, but how true is that really? Our friends and families are core parts of our lives. They are the people we spend the most time with. They are the ones we love and cherish. They are the ones who have been with us through significant parts of our lives. So why then would we not consider their opinions about potential partners we choose?
One would expect that our friends and families have our best interests at heart. One would expect that our friends and families are like-minded individuals to us. After all, birds of a feather tend to flock together. So if these are the people we connect with in heart and mind, wouldn’t their opinions reflect our deepest desires?
On the other hand, sometimes the family we’re stuck with, and the friends we choose aren’t the best for us mentally, physically, or spiritually. Sometimes we choose friends based on circumstance or convenience, and with family, well... we don’t get to choose them.
Unfortunately, some family and friends do not have your best interest at heart, and everything they say can be taken with a grain of salt. Some are so consumed by their own opinions, preferences, misguided ideas and agendas that they fail to actually consider how or why a potential partner is ideal for you.
So when does it actually matter what your friends and family think of the person you are dating? Well, consider these 3 things:
1. Does their track record show that they’ve always had your best interest at heart?
If your loved ones have consistently had your back, supported your growth, and only ever wished the best for you, their opinions about your potential partner should hold a lot more weight than a loved one who was distant, unsupportive, and negative.
2. Do their values, mindset, and overall goals align with your values, mindset, and goals?
If values, mindset, and goals align, it is extremely likely that your loved ones only want you to be with a partner who also aligns. Hence the reason their opinions should be held in high regard.
3. Are the reasons they’re not fond of your partner rooted in facts or in preferences?
Listen carefully to your loved ones’ analysis of your partner, is it rooted in fact (i.e, how this person treats you & others, how this person handles his/her finances, how this person operates in life) or rooted in their preferences (what this person looks like, how this person dresses, which political party this person is in)? If rooted only in preference, choose your preferences over theirs. If rooted in fact, consider their thoughts.
If you really dig deep and answer these questions honestly for yourself, you can better decide if you should consider your family and friends' thoughts and opinions about the person you are dating.
I know firsthand that it is difficult to consider the opinions of others when you are deep in the thick of your infatuation and euphoria over a particular person, but I urge you to hold on to the idea that if your family and friends have your best interest at heart, they may be able to see what you’re possibly blinded to.
Ibbie Aromolaran, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Known for her unique, time-saving, efficient & fun approach to dating, Ibbie Aromolaran has a passion for guiding and empowering ambitious women to create the love lives of their dreams. As a Mental Health Therapist turned Certified Dating Coach, she is deeply dedicated to helping women uncover their deep-rooted barriers to successful dating and build new, effective habits from the ground up through her high-end, 4-phase program that helps women learn to date like pros and create meaningful connections within 12 weeks! Ibbie has a certification in dating & relationship coaching, a master's degree in Clinical Mental Health Counseling, and is currently in her doctoral program studying social psychology and the science of human interactions. All in all, she is keenly interested in sharing her knowledge about how humans can best connect with one another.