Written by: Olena Mytruk, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Is your life just 'too' busy? Does it feel like things are completely out of control? Then learning how to design your life might be not just the best, but the only way to move forward. How do I know that you ask? Well, let me tell you a story…
Storytime: When things feel out of control
It was Monday evening – the first day of our so-long-awaited family vacation. But I was working.
I was sitting in front of my laptop, trying to deal with a huge work issue that had just popped up. I was already feeling super stressed when I got a text from my husband. He was having a business development dinner with his clients (vacation, right?), and his text said, “My day sucks. I'm just so over it.”
I mean, "What??"
I had no idea what was going on, but it didn’t sound good. So I dropped what I was working on and started texting him back. As I was doing it, my 10-year-old daughter stormed into the room and screamed, “Mom! Stop working! I want to be on vacation! Why do you and Dad always have to work during our vacation??”
That was the final straw. My level of stress and overwhelm exceeded all possible thresholds. I didn’t know what to do anymore, who to respond to, what to grab next. And in that moment, something became very clear to me: I cannot do it all.
I just can’t. I cannot deal with all these things at once. I’ll go insane if things continue developing at this pace. I am just one person, I only have two hands and one head. And this head was about to explode. I realized that I needed to do something about it – quickly. Something had to change.
That realization marked the beginning of a new chapter of my life – a chapter called 'living my life by design'.
What it means to design your life
You might be wondering, “What is Life Design?” But first, I want to answer a different one:
Why 'design'? According to the dictionary, 'to design' something means to create it with a purpose or intention in mind. And the word 'intention' is key here. To me, it is the opposite of 'accident'.
Living your life by design is all about being intentional about it
It is when you stop hoping that everything goes as planned, and instead you choose to be ready for when things go sideways. It is when you stop living on autopilot, and instead you take back control of your life. It is when you purposefully build your life around who you are, what you believe, and what you want to achieve. Not someone else, but you. Because it is your life after all.
Life design is all about mastering yourself
It is about getting to know yourself – your needs and desires, your goals and aspirations, your values and strengths. And why is it important? Because life challenges will knock on your door – it's not a matter of if, it's a matter of when. And when it does happen, then Life Design becomes your only way to stay on track with your life.
How to design your life: 3 Practical steps
And here comes a million-dollar question – how do you actually do it? How do you design your life?
“How do I deal with it all??” – this is what I asked myself that night. And then I did the following:
0. Calm down
First, I took several deep breaths. I closed my eyes and started breathing very slowly. And I kept doing it until I felt that my heart rate got back to a decent level. Why is this step necessary? You cannot deal with a challenging situation while being stressed. When you are in a stress mode, the only two responses you can possibly come up with are 'fight' and 'flight'. And neither of them will help you right now. Do you want to solve a challenging situation successfully? Then calm down first. always.
1. Understand what’s on your plate
As soon as I was able to think straight again, I wrote down everything that I needed to take care of:
Figure out what to do with my work issue.
Reach out to my husband and make sure he is okay.
Explain to my daughter why I have to work.
Why is this step necessary?
It is impossible to successfully navigate life challenges or balance conflicting priorities unless you know exactly what it is that you are balancing and navigating. So, first, you need to create a holistic picture of your life. Learn your complete life landscape. Lay out everything important to you. Bring it to the surface.
Once you have done that, you can move on to the next step.
2. Set clear priorities for yourself
Coming back to that night, I already knew that I couldn’t deal with everything at once. So I needed to prioritize.
Taking care of my husband and ensuring he was okay had to be number one. Talking to my daughter and carefully explaining to her why this vacation was not going as planned was number two. And then number three was coming back to solving my work-related disaster.
And here was the hardest part. I knew that it wasn’t just Monday that got ruined. By then I had clearly realized that I would likely have to work on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday.
Did I like this? NO. I hated the idea that my so-well-deserved vacation was going completely sideways.Did I still believe that it was the right thing to do? Surprisingly, yes. I take a lot of pride in the work I do, and in the responsibility I take for my actions. And I won't let this work disaster get in the way. I already knew that I needed to get it fixed. But at that moment I realized that I wanted to get it fixed.
And that realization liberated me.
Why is this step necessary?
Here is the hard truth: Your capacity is not unlimited. You cannot do everything. If you try to do ten things at once, you will be giving each one of them 10% of your energy at best. And I am not even counting the energy needed to switch between them, which is very tiring! As a result, you will likely not see any results anywhere. Which will lead to more stress. And this is not the outcome you want, right?
So, you have to choose, and choose wisely.
You have to prioritize and fully agree with yourself on these priorities and why you chose them. Why? Because, once you completely agree with yourself, even the most difficult decisions will feel right. Because they will mean something to you – something important. Ask yourself, "What matters most now? What requires my energy and my attention the most now? What is the most important now? What will move the needle most now?"
Get clear not only about what you do but also about why you do it.
And then act accordingly.
3. Execute with strength and confidence
Okay, now that I was clear about my priorities, it was time to take action. And I used all of my persuasion skills, as well as love and empathy, to support my husband. I was very creative and completely honest with my daughter. And I had to be brave and fully transparent with my client at work.
Why is this step necessary?
Navigating life challenges is not easy. It requires driving force – to push through, to stand up for yourself and your priorities, despite all distractions. The good news is – you already have this driving force within you. It is your personal strengths.
Honesty, creativity, courage, love, empathy – these are all personal strengths that you already have. You can bring them forward when needed to help you overcome the biggest challenges in life. All you need to do is know your strengths, as well as know how to use them in your life.
Bonus: once you start engaging your strengths more, your level of self-confidence skyrockets, automatically.
Conclusion
You might be wondering how that vacation of mine ended.
I found a magic trick that fixed it all. I took the rest of the week off. But that would be a lie. The truth is, both I and my husband ended up working for four days out of five.
But then we spent the most wonderful Friday together as a family. I was proud of what I had accomplished, and I rewarded myself by being fully present with my loved ones.
All in all, I am sincerely grateful for this experience. Although it was tough, it taught me several very important lessons. It opened my eyes to the importance of being intentional as the only working way to navigate stress and overwhelm.
Because, as I said, Life Design is not about making all challenges magically go away. It is about knowing how to respond to those challenges. It is about having clarity about what matters most at any point in time. Only then you can make decisions and set priorities that will feel right.
Which ultimately will allow you to steer your life in the right direction, no matter what.
Do you want to learn more about Life Design? Are you curious about how it can help you transform your life? Complete this quick quiz, tell me a bit about yourself and your life, and you will receive an instant personalized Life Design mastery plan that I put together for you. Or tune in to The Spark Your Life Podcast – the 1 podcast for all things Life Design and no-nonsense advice on work-life balance, productivity, and goal setting.
Here's to living your life by design and not by accident!
Olena Mytruk, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Olena Mytruk is a Life Design coach & mentor for modern mission-driven professional and entrepreneurial women. Corporate executive and business owner, mom and wife, speaker and podcaster, fitness enthusiast and amateur runner, Olena knows firsthand what it’s like to navigate a busy life every day. Olena was looking for a way to balance it all successfully without guilt and overwhelm, and couldn’t find anything. And so she created it – Breverie Life Design System. Since then, Olena has dedicated herself to helping other busy women design their lives around who they are, what they believe and what they want to achieve – so they can thrive in both work and life.
