David Lutes is a global talent management, organizational development and leadership coach, consultant and trainer. A former church pastor, he is radically and passionately committed to helping people discover their meaning, purpose and direction for their life and career.
If you care about doing what you do – excellently; if you care about doing right by and helping others; if you have an empathetic heart for serving, giving more than taking … then read on. And if you don’t … please still read on … it could change your life and career … especially if you aspire to impactful and meaningful Leadership and Management roles.
Even more than that – if you want to be a better spouse, a better son or daughter, friend, or colleague – or just a better person, then the fact that you even know about that ‘be a better person tune’ playing inside you, means your heart is ready and available. Caring more about others, and issues, and life – is a good and right thing to do, but perhaps you’re not sure how to factor this part of your heart and personality into your purpose, calling and direction for your career.
Admit it. You know it’s inside you. You know it’s sometimes just waiting to be unlocked and unleashed as a common and frequent aspect of how you live your life – for others. If that’s you … then again, read on.
So often, we think of Caring as something most people do naturally – or can learn to do. We also tend to categorize others into groups – those who ‘care’ or ‘don’t care’, or who ‘try to care but don’t quite manage to do it very well’ – or ‘don’t care to care’. We are also inclined to rank the ‘quality’ of someone’s caring based on their level of involvement, their ability to really listen or to take practical action based on, or on the back of, e.g., ‘hearts and prayers’ type comments – i.e., actually show they care and pray.
“The real measure, the true test of character and integrity – of leaders and managers – is how they treat someone who they believe is of absolutely no use to them.” (Adapted from Malcolm S. Forbes)
Caring has benefits for all involved; and care doesn’t just impact those on the ‘receiving end’ of it. People who volunteer or care for others on a consistent basis tend to have better psychological well-being, including fewer depressive symptoms and higher life-satisfaction. A big part of this positive emotion and mindset is actually because they don’t want or don’t expect anything in return for their caring.
Caring is a demonstrated concern for the well-being of another. Some types of caring contribute to self-respect or self-confidence – both in others and in ourselves. It’s tied to motive and heart intent – and sometimes to degrees of selfishness or self-interest, but preferably not.
Caring is active, not passive – at least it’s supposed to be
Tangible care is a more direct form of showing your heart of care; demonstrated by providing resources or services for another. Psychological care is what a ‘receiver’ of care carries within themselves – hearts and mind, a knowing in their ‘knowers’ that it’s true, sincere, and heartfelt concern and understanding.
Each of these two types can vary in terms of the risk to the caring person. There’s sometimes ‘risk’ involved (higher and lower) – and overcoming fear and plucking up courage to face any possible outcomes or circumstances that results from caring, is usually part of the ‘Care Formula’.
If these words up to this point in this article are really beginning to resonate within you, then you will know that words and tears without action ring hollow. Without action, feeling and words alone mean very little – and often mean nothing. People really don’t want to hear that they are ‘in your thoughts and prayers’.
When it comes to your career and life purpose, meaning and direction, your degree and level of Care will strongly factor into things – even in your job search. You Care about family, people, outcomes, a mission, an endeavor, campaign, charity, work-life balance, etc. – to varying degrees and levels of passion and commitment.
You may Care to the point of compulsion or even obsession. You may Care to the point of sacrificing other things to ‘live out your Care calling or mission or passion’.
If this is true, there’s a good chance you look for career and work opportunities that will tap into your need to Care – to show Care; to receive Care. This doesn’t mean you must be in the ‘serving’, ‘healthcare’, ‘teaching’ or other caring or service sectors. But it might mean you seek and even crave a workplace environment and culture, e.g., an organization that places people above profit; that invests in people’s development and in helping them plant and grow in good ‘soil’ – and produce and thrive there. You may truly resonate with a culture that encourages Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion of any and all people.
Caring matters to you. Servant Leadership, therefore, probably matters to you. Working in a job or career or organization that has a healthy level of ‘unconditional acceptance’, ‘nurture and support’, ‘work-life balance’ and does so consistently – matters … a lot. They don’t just do so ‘seasonally’ or because, e.g., Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion is the ‘flavor of the month’. Caring is a huge part of ‘who they are’ as an organization. It’s in your emotional, mental, and spiritual ‘DNA’ – and it should be in theirs.
“If you Do Care, and Must Care, to be truly ‘You’, then you are also an advocate, demonstrator, and practitioner of Empathy.” (Dave Lutes)
Not sympathy – but caring to want to feel with and understand someone else’s circumstances and try to stand in someone else’s ‘shoes’. Chances are, if you know yourself to be empathetic, then you will want to be in a role or organization that welcomes you – the real you.
If we’re honest, even as managers and leaders we often feel slightly uneasy or have a squirmy discomfort when the word ‘Empathy’ is used in the work context. It’s ok at church, but at work it’s a different matter. We probably don’t parade the idea of the need for ‘more Empathy’ at employee engagement strategy meetings! After all, hard-nosed professionals can’t be seen to be too ‘touchy-feely’ or ‘soft’!
Care and Empathy enables us to create perspective and gives us insights into others’ hearts and minds. ‘Putting ourselves in another’s shoes’ or ‘seeing things through someone else’s eyes’ helps us understand how or why people react and behave the way they do in different situations. And don’t forget to ‘know yourself’ in these terms as well. This self-awareness is critical to truly effective and impactful leadership and management.
“As management competencies go, Care and Empathy are actually highly valued currencies.” (Martinuzzi)
If either by nature or nurture, you are able to decouple your own interests and feelings from those of other people, are able to share somebody else's sadness or hopes and dreams, even when you are happy with your own life, then…
“You will be miserable in any role that doesn’t allow you or support you in this aspect of your Authentic Self – Empathy.” (Dave Lutes)
Empathy switches on our ‘people acumen radar’ so we are more alert and guides our own responses, reactions, and decisions. We are better able to recognize the concerns that other people carry, and it heightens our ability to identify and understand another’s situation, feelings, and motives.
Actually, Empathy and ‘Smart Business’ go hand-in-glove. There are proven correlations between Empathy and increased sales, motivation, higher productivity and team integration and collaboration. Increasingly, the topic of Empathy is permeating the world of business and even if it’s not called by the same name, this feature of a manager’s business character is seen as a core heart ‘competency’ – a characteristic of a heart and mind that looks beyond ourselves. New phrases and terms are popping up; ‘Empathy Marketing’, ‘Empathy Selling’, ‘User Empathy’, are more and more common.
Empathy is a heart theme, and ability – a seed that must be ‘born’ inside us. When it is birthed, it is well worth nurturing and cultivating by managers and leaders and in people generally. It's a soft, sometimes abstract ‘tool’ in a manager’s and leader's toolkit that can lead to hard, tangible results. It should be a human pursuit!
But you can’t fake real empathy
Crossing that ‘line’ to be where others are – your team and colleagues – is a mature, unselfish, win-win (and even, ‘they win, I lose’) leadership, or people posture – and that’s when we allow humility into the moment.
Selfish ambition is an enemy of care and empathy – Arrogance is an enemy of compassion
As mentioned above, learning to stand where others stand, seeing things through their eyes and appreciating their perspective is now a core management and leadership heart-competency to be pursued and coveted. Not to get too spiritual on you, but celebrating and feeling the various types and levels of pain with others makes us better team players and opens the door to more dying to self and more of His (God’s) Life being available to others.
As stated before, you can’t fake true Empathy … and we should always be aiming for excellence in our work … but even if you aren’t 100% ‘true’ (empathetically), almost anything is better than what most people experience at work! But don’t use that as a cop-out.
This doesn't mean that we agree with everyone's view or that we need to try to please everybody. Rather, we are called to thoughtfully consider employees' and colleagues’ feelings – along with other factors – in the process of making intelligent decisions – often decisions that affect careers and families.
We need to put on ‘new character and behavior clothes’ in our life and career sometimes. It’s called maturity. We are urged, in the most fundamental of spiritual views or beliefs, to strip off selfishness, greed, pride, and a lot of other dirty and useless old life garments and ‘put on’ Care and Empathy.
Care and Empathy are the height of smart business fashion, success and ‘purchasing power’! Don’t plan or dream your Personal Purpose or Career Journey without it!
Don’t Leave Home Without It!
Read more from David Lutes
David Lutes, Executive Career Coach ‒ Leadership Consultant
David Lutes is a global talent management, organizational development and leadership coach, consultant and trainer. A former church pastor, he is radically and passionately committed to helping people discover their meaning, purpose and direction for their life and career. He has been described as a 'gift and latent skill detector and developer', as he helps people and the organizations they work in discover the wealth and richness within their people.
