The Kids Have Left & The Marriage Is Dead... Or Is It?
- Brainz Magazine
- Jul 13, 2022
- 4 min read
Written by: Pia Antico, Senior Level Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Ok, so if you don't already know ‒ I am a card-carrying Single Empty Nester Woman over 50 who celebrates her solitude and freedom.
I've been married twice (9 years apart) to two abusive men; my two co-authored books talk about those lessons learned & how it inspired my work as a Crone Life Joy Reboot Mentor and Founder of Essential Awakening Mentoring.
Basically, I am all for women divesting themselves of dead weight partners & embracing the freedom & fun of single life. Naturally, if there is any issue of abuse then getting the support needed to safely leave is the top priority. Any form of abuse is unacceptable! But, what about those lack lustre marriages of 10, 20, 30 or more years; marriages that are basically “okay” but now on autopilot? Marriages that now the kids have left home, are boring as hell; dead in the water... I've seen a lot of women over 40 posting questions seeking advice from their wise women communities asking,
"Should I stay or go?" Before I offer a fresh way of examining this question I will make it abundantly clear that I am PRO CHOICE for every thing in life, including divorce... So with that said & knowing you have the answers with in you already, I am going to give you a little food for thought.
1. Other people & events are not the cause of our feelings Hands up who has said or heard said things like "my job is pissing me off', "my kids are driving me crazy" or "my holiday is making me happy"?
Common to all these statements is the misconception that the outside world is causing our feelings; & naturally if that were true then feeling better would require controlling or changing people & events, which is an utterly impossible thing to do. No wonder we get anxious thinking! The truth is, our thinking in that moment (the story we tell ourselves) about the stuff that's happening; that's the cause of our feelings. The great news is:
the outside world doesn't control us
our thoughts ebb & flow like the tide, & we don't have to do anything with them to have a new experience
our real guidance system is our ever-present Spirit wisdom/intuition that sometimes get obscured by our head chatter.
2. The need for compatibility is a myth In every rom-com the best relationships are made to look like they are based on compatibility & being on the same wavelength; and when it looks like once shared interests have lessened then the assumption is made that it signals then end of the relationships. But they are wrong! The nail in the coffin of relationships is not differing interests & beliefs; but rather the assumption that those differences should turn goodwill into ill will. We all have our own unique realities & will never truly understand or agree with each other; thankfully healthy relationships don't require being on the same wavelength, but rather are based on a Soul-to-Soul connection of unconditional love & goodwill.
3. You can have a totally new relationship without needing the other person to change first I know this from personal experience of this magnificent insight, when you realise that your experience of the other person is from your side, then you get to change your experience guided by your inner wisdom. When you SEE that you are the creator & destroyer of your inner peace & joy then you get to show up in your relationships in every fresh moment with openness & curiosity; rather than pre-empting unknown futures based on past conclusions.
When you show up energetically open to receive the abundance on offer, then funnily enough those problematic people often show up in their wisdom too; inviting in close connection based on mutual goodwill that isn't dependent on compatibility. Now, the point of my alerting you to these truths of the human experience is to highlight that if we blow up our lives based on a misconception that people & circumstances are the cause of our feelings then when the dust settles and we look around we will find ourselves still chasing inner peace, clarity & joy. Whereas, when we realise that our joy is fully within our control, in fact it is at the core of our inner wisdom nature, just one fresh thought away; then we can have a totally new experience without actually changing our circumstances. AND If a change of circumstances is what's guided by your heartful wisdom, then it can be done with the clarity & confidence that comes from listening to your inner joy; not in reaction to fearful thinking. ✅ If you want help to AWAKEN the joy within™️ then feel free to book a Discovery Call with me:
Pia Antico, Senior Level Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
In the middle of a storm, it is possible to find peace & strength when we tap into our innate Spirit-led wisdom and step heartfully into the present moment.” ‒ Pia Antico
Pia Antico is the Founder of Essential Awakening Mentoring, a Crone Life Joy Reboot Mentor/Coach/Trainer, International Public Speaker & Best Selling Author.
She intuitively helps single, empty nester, businesswomen over 40 ditch their regrets, live unapologetically, age disgracefully & quit being an unwilling bystander in their lives. Without getting stuck rehashing, analyzing & reframing trauma stories.
Embodying her unique 6 steps AWAKEN the joy within©️ framework helps them to free themselves from limiting beliefs & create lives of fun through trusting the guidance of their carefree Higher Self Wisdom.
Pia holds three degrees in Psychology, Counseling Training, and Certification in the 3 Principles Paradigm & she brings into coaching a wealth of insights gained from a litany of growth experiences.
At 49, she is a 'three near deaths before 30, two abusive marriages, & major head injury life rebuilder' whose mission is to help single, empty nester businesswomen over 40 to effortlessly get past their darkest moments by tapping into their innate well-being.
So that they can shine the light of their radiant, joyful wisdom & step into their dreamed-of future.
Pia wants single empty nester women over 40 to know in their bones that their past doesn't predict their future & now is the time to dream big.
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