3 Keys To Make Intimate Relationships Work
- Oct 5, 2021
- 6 min read
Updated: Jun 17, 2024
Written by: Mikal Nielsen, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Why are intimate relationships so important to us? Why are intimate relationships so tricky to keep alive long term? How come our long term intimate partner can drive us to both insanity and bliss? And how important are our intimate relationships to our business life?
Taking your intimate relationship to a new level of fulfillment is well worth the effort. A more fulfilling relationship positively impacts every other aspect of our life, including work and business.
When we are not in an intimate relationship, we often crave one, and when we are in an intimate relationship we often struggle and wonder if we would be better without or with another partner.
Why are these really close intimate relationships so important to us, and yet so challenging to keep alive, vibrant and fulfilling long term?
Why is it that something that is so exciting, beautiful and energy-giving for the first few years, can turn into a downright nightmare 10, 20, 30 years later while going through every conceivable emotion along the way?
The good news is: Relationships bring out the best in us.
The good news is: Relationships bring out the worst in us.
Yes, you read it correctly. They are both good news.
I have 'studied' relationships for over three decades, both in my own life, in others and in books, seminars, etc. and found it fascinating and inspiring.
Having been through several relationships, including a previous marriage, I am now in a 30-year long relationship with my partner and wife and we have grown up 3 children along the way.
Yes, there has been plenty of ups and downs and moments of wanting to run away. However, through a strong commitment, openness and willingness to learn and grow, our relationship has continuously grown.
Year after year it has taken us to new levels of depth, fulfillment and growth.
It’s truly amazing what is available in relationships. The potential is phenomenal.
So what's the trick? Well, I don't think there is one, but many different keys, each unlocking different things at different times in different situations.
I would like to share three keys here that I believe are vitally important, and if used properly, can take your relationship to new levels of fulfillment and heights you may have only dreamed of.
1. Stop waiting for your partner to change
Why? Because you could be waiting forever! Or if he or she changes, it may not be into something that suits you. Many of us make the mistake of thinking that if our partner would sort out their problems and change, then our relationship would be great. I'm sorry - it doesn't work that way, and if it did, it's gambling and you could be waiting for a mighty long time.
2. Stop trying to change your partner
Why? Because you can't! For those of you who have been in a relationship long enough know that to be true. And even if your partner does change to suit your needs, it seldom works for long as it tends to build resentment. And let's face it, after they have changed one 'bad' behaviour, you will find something else that you think they should change in order to make your life easier. And on it goes!
The moral key of 1 and 2 is: If you want positive change, you have to create it. When you take responsibility for your relationship, it can really start to move on. And believe me, it can move on big time.
Start looking at yourself. Look at the limitations and fears you bring to the relationship as well as the love and excitement you bring to the table. Work on yourself. Increase the good in you, build on your strengths and work on reducing or eliminating that which limits YOU from playing 'the game' fully.
3. Make an effort to understand
Make an effort to understand and then accept the enormously huge differences between the masculine and feminine essences. This is truly amazing stuff. I’m not referring to the day-to-day use of those words but to the fundamental and natural essence of the masculine and feminine energy that lives in our bodies from birth to death.
My experience is that most people have very little understanding of this, let alone the ability to accept it and work with it consciously. And yes, neither did I back in time. Nor is it likely that I will ever fully understand my wife.
However, my increasing awareness of ‘her way’ and ‘my way’ allows me to build a bridge over the abyss between the feminine and masculine and thus creating a meeting place.
This is a beautiful place where two humans can meet in the magic of the opposite. When the masculine and the feminine energy meets full-on — sparks are flying and there is an incredible aliveness.
This feeling of pure energy and power will then start to spread into other areas of our lives, including work and business.
Some very progressive companies realise this and therefore offer relationship support to their employees. They know the value of it.
In my coaching programmes for business people and entrepreneurs, the need for a fulfilling relationship invariable comes up sooner or later. This allows me to assist them in moving their relationship to the next level.
In some cases, this leads the client to want to include their partner in the coaching sessions, which is fantastic.
This has lead to a very exciting and in all honesty, scary development in my relationship: My wife and I are now offering relationship coaching as a couple for couples.
And we are offering a special gift to a few couples who have taken the time to read this article in BRAINZ. More about that at the end.
The solution in a nutshell
It is possible to continuously move your relationship further and further, deeper and deeper. We have done it consistently for 30 years, so you can too. If you want to hear more about our journey, struggles, and wins, click here to watch an interview with my wife and me.
The three keys in this article are by no means all there is to it, but even if you only do those three, it will definitely help taking your intimate relationship to new levels of depth and fulfillment.
Remember the keys:
Stop waiting for your partner to change.
Stop trying to change your partner.
Make an effort to understand
The conclusion of all this:
Take responsibility for your relationship (and life). Because if you leave it to others, it is unlikely that you will have the life (and relationship) you truly want.
And here is the gift from my wife and me: We are giving away three 90-minute couples coaching sessions to three BRAINZ readers:
You must have been in your current relationship for three or more years and;
This is only for couples, not individuals.
If you are an individual who wants support with your relationship, use this unique BRAINZ reader link to book a complimentary 20-minute discovery call with me.
Mikal Nielsen, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Mikal's mission is to help high achievers awaken their natural wisdom to create profound fulfillment, deep peace of mind, and a perfect balance between everything truly important to them. With a corporate background and starting and running 3 businesses, Mikal has spent the last 14 years coaching business founders, owners, and leaders to get more life out of life and more business out of business. He is a mind mechanic with 35 years of experience in mindfulness, personal and spiritual growth, and 30 years of experience coaching others in these fields. Mikal is an international speaker, certified firewalking coach, author of 5 books, and creator of Modern Meditation for busy people. In addition to coaching entrepreneurs and business leaders, Mikal and his wife Kathy offer relationship coaching. With 30 years of living together and growing up with 3 children, they have learned and experienced a lot and have co-authored a book about their journey together. Seeing how many relationships are struggling or have gone stagnant, they have decided to offer couples coaching.
