Written by: Ken Pierce, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Quentin was a 30-year-old MBA student who was in the last year of his degree. Quentin planned to start his own business. He had an idea, an invention actually, he wanted to bring to market. He thought it could be both viable and profitable.
“Your dreams are what define your individuality. They have the power to give you wings and make you fly high.” – P. V. Sindhu, athlete
“He projected a shy, hesitant manner in his communications.”
Quentin has pursued his business education with his invention in the back of his mind. He said it would serve him and humanity. He didn’t go into any detail because he said he was aware he would someday need a patent and privacy was paramount for his eventual success. But, he did say it related to energy efficiency.
Quentin was a big man, six foot two and over 180 pounds. He had a soft style, quiet and unimposing. He projected a shy, hesitant manner in his communications.
Quentin had been married to Qiana for five years and they were postponing children until his education was completed. In the meantime, Quiana, a teacher, was working full-time in an elementary school.
“Good luck with that pipe dream!”
After I completed his personal history, I asked Quentin how I could serve him.
He replied,
“I’m being bullied at school by some of my classmates and one of my professors.”
I replied, “Tell me more about what has been going on, Quentin.”
“While I don’t give any details, I have mentioned in a couple of my courses I want to create a business to develop and market my invention. Also, I wrote a paper about it for my ‘Entrepreneurship in the 21st Century’ course and raised it in one of my tutorial classes during a discussion.”
“And what happened, Quentin?”
“In my entrepreneurship course, my professor gave me a poor grade and called my idea naive, amateurish and poorly thought out.”
“And, what about in the class discussion you mentioned?”
“I could see by the expressions on my classmates’ faces…they thought my idea was crazy. One person even said sarcastically, ‘Have you given this fantasy any real analysis?’ And another said in a laughing manner, ‘Good luck with that pipe dream!’”
“First, we need to update your perception of yourself…”
I asked him, “Quentin. is it accurate to say you have used your knowledge and skills to analyze your idea and from your investigation, you do think it is achievable?”
“Yes, Ken, I do! I have developed a business plan, investigated the patent process, crunched the numbers and done all the things I am aware of to prepare myself for this. It will be a three to five-year process but I am not naive about what lies ahead to create my business.”
“You sound certain about your dream. Do you think that certainty comes across when you share your vision with others, Quentin?”
“Probably not! But, I want to be able to do that, Ken. I want to be able to share my dream in a way that they listen to and respect the ideas I am presenting. Can you help me learn to do that?”
“Yes, I can Quentin. First, we need to update your perception of yourself…to re-establish your self-esteem and self-confidence when communicating with others!”
“How do we do that?” he asked.
“By resolving the illusions you carry about yourself, Quentin.” “And, how do we do that?”
“Whatever you say to yourself, about yourself, whether true or not, determines your destiny! – John Demartini, Human Behaviour Expert, Polymath.
“… our perceptions determine our reality.”
“Let me offer you a couple of ideas that lay the groundwork for doing it.”
“Ok!”
“First, when you were born, like every child, you believed you could be anything, do anything or have anything. You had total self-esteem and self-confidence. But, as you negotiated with the giants around you for survival, you picked up their distorted perceptions of you. For example, too loud or too quiet, too passive or too aggressive, too tall or too short, and so on.
“Are you saying I used to be more self-assured than I am today?”
“Quentin, you had to have it to have survived all the challenges in your past like walking, talking and building relationships in and outside your family.”
“I never thought of it in that way before, but it makes sense, doesn’t it?” he replied thoughtfully.
Second, everything is made up of particles or waves of light until a human perceives it otherwise. For example, I perceive this felt marker on my desk as green in colour. But, many other French-speaking people perceive it as “vert.” Who is right and who is wrong? Truthfully, both of us are right and both of us are wrong. It just depends on who you ask and on their past life experiences. Can you see that Quentin?”
“Yes, I get that, but how does this relate to my situation?”
“So, third, we use these subjective perceptions to determine how we behave to survive…to determine our behaviours. The Oxford English Dictionary (OED) lists over 4,628 specific behaviours that we have used to survive.”
“Are you telling me someone counted them?” He said smiling.
“Yep! And, fourth, there is someone out there who has perceived you as displaying every one of those 4,628 behaviours …according to their perceptions.”
“But, what determines their perceptions?”
“As I mentioned, their past experiences determine all their perceptions. And, it can occur consciously or unconsciously, depending on each person’s level of awareness.”
“Are you saying some people see me as acting smart and others as acting dumb, at the very same time, Ken”
“Yes, Quentin, that is it exactly! And, it can occur in the same second…it is always a perception. For example, the moment, noon on a hot, sunny day is perceived as good for beach lovers, but bad for drought-stricken farmers. This perceptual subjectivity is going on constantly among humans.”
“This awareness is what frees us, vaccinates us, from other people’s perceptions of us.”
“So, that means I’m both smart and dumb; handsome and ugly; kind and cruel, brave and cowardly…it just depends on who you ask, correct?”
“That’s correct, Quentin! So, the challenge we all face is owning the perception others have of us and realizing they are just perceptions at a specific moment, or specific second, in time.”
“But, how does this relate to my situation, Ken?”
“The challenge we all face is learning, that we all have every behaviour according to someone. And, each behaviour has both a plus and a minus associated with it based on another person’s perception given their own past experiences. And finally, this awareness is what frees us, vaccinates us, from other people’s perceptions of us.”
“So, if I get vaccinated against how people perceive me, you’re saying I would be able to express myself better…with more self-confidence… correct? How do we do that?”
“Exactly, Quentin. There is a scientific tool, The Demartini Method™, which I will show you, to achieve this accelerated learning. Are you ready to begin?”
“Yes, let’s do it, Ken!”
“They had been there all the time but he had not been noticing them.”
So, Quentin started working on his out-of-date perception of himself. He learned to own every behaviour, both the ones he liked… and, the ones he didn’t like. He realized every behaviour he had ever displayed, had both a positive and negative impact on himself and others, based on each person’s perception of that second and the values they brought to it from their past.
As he continued this process on each event in his past, he realized he could expect about half of the people around him to be skeptical. And, the other half, to be supportive, in keeping with natural laws.
As he looked more carefully at his past he started to uncover those who were supportive of his dream. They had been there all the time, but, he had not been noticing them. He had focused on one side instead of seeing both sides at that second in time.
As he continued this process, his self-appreciation which he had at birth, resurfaced and with it his self-confidence. He commented near the end of our work together, that he hadn’t even noticed his entrepreneurship course professor had put on his paper, “Keep me posted as you evolve your ideas!” And, his spouse, Qiana and some other family and friends were displaying support for him which he had not been noticing before he did this work.
“The meaning of life is to find your gift. The purpose of life is to give it away.” – Pablo Picasso, artist
Points to Ponder and Remember:
You were born with a belief you could be anything, do anything and have anything.
While negotiating your survival and well-being, you adopt other people’s limiting and distorted perceptions of you which you carry around, often unconsciously.
You have an outdated and inaccurate perception of yourself that can be updated using a science-based, accelerated learning process called, The Demartini Method ™.
Your perception of yourself is the most important perception because it determines the level and accuracy of your self-esteem or self-worth.
Your level of self-esteem determines the level of self-confidence you display in every situation you face each minute of each day.
You are constantly evolving slowly your perception of yourself with each passing day of your life.
You can update your self-perception very quickly using the accelerated learning technique, The Demartini Method ™
This learning tool is based on scientific principles which come from empirically tested natural laws to optimize your evolving brain and mind.
It has been used by hundreds of thousands of individuals in over 60 countries in the last forty years.
Anyone can evolve their self-esteem and so their self-confidence by using it.
“If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavours to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.” – Henry David Thoreau, author
Visit my website for more info!
Ken Pierce, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Ken Pierce is a board-certified clinical psychologist and CEO of The Pierce Institute of Psychology Inc. He has authored many psychological works including seven books and 400 case study web-posts. Ken is considered a human behaviour expert having worked in business, education and private practice for over 40 years. He has served thousands of people of all ages from a diverse spectrum of life challenges. This group include executives, teams, organizations, individuals, couples and families. He has served on the faculty of two post-secondary institutions, Holland College and the University of Prince Edward Island.
Ken was also the first psychologist globally to achieve Master Facilitator credentials with the renowned Demartini Institute and is a Senior Faculty of the Glasser Institute. He has spoken at many regional, national and international events. As head of the The Pierce Institute of Psychology Inc. (TPI), a community service facility, he is a leader in moving clinical psychology forward by transforming a labelling and medicating focus to appreciating human adaptions as tools for empowerment. This is demonstrated in the latest research in evolutionary anthropology, biology, neurology, psychiatry and psychology. This scientific approach is found in the work of Drs. William Glasser and John Demartini and the services of TPI.
Ken resides in Stratford, Prince Edward Island with Anna, his partner of 50 years. They have three daughters and three grandsons. Ken's interests vary widely from quantum theory to energy efficiency to building stone walls.
