Written by: Kelly Hater, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Being a parent is not something that falls within everyone’s comfort zone. In fact, even though many women picture themselves as a mom, it does not mean that they naturally relate well to kids. Many women have little to no experience with children until they become a parent themselves. We can buy books about parenting, yet motherhood does not come with a step-by-step manual. That would put just about anyone outside their comfort zone. Despite how outside of our comfort zone being a mom can feel, with a positive mom mindset, motherhood is the perfect opportunity for self-growth.
What Is a Mindset?
Mindset is a set of beliefs that shape our attitudes and influence all our behaviors and feelings. Our mom mindset determines how we approach and manage failure and challenges we experience in our lifetime. Given all the time moms spend facing new challenges outside of their comfort zone, a healthy mommy mindset is crucial because it can predict our “success” as mothers.
Growth Mindset Vs. Fixed Mindset
According to Dweck, there are two types of mindsets: a fixed mindset and a growth mindset. A fixed mindset is a belief our abilities and talents are permanent and therefore cannot be changed. A growth mindset is based on the belief that our basic qualities are things we can cultivate through our efforts, our strategies, and help from others (Dweck, 2006).
What do a fixed mindset and a growth mindset look like in motherhood?
Fixed Mom Mindset
Expect to have the ability to be a mom without trying
Concerned that you’ll be judged by other moms or parents
Super sensitive about saying or doing the wrong thing or making mistakes
Avoid mess and chaotic events or activities with children because it’s too challenging
You stopped trying to learn new skills once you became a mom (i.e., personal hobbies to exist once you started having kids)
Say or do things with your kids or spouse so that they like you even when it goes against your values
Feel threatened by the success of other moms
You do the mom job you know how to do with no extra effort because you don’t see any value in changing your ways.
Praise children for their intelligence or talent. (i.e., “You are so smart. You got an A on your test” sends the message that only success means they are smart. If they didn’t get an A, they are dumb)
Growth Mom Mindset
Confident that even on bad mom says that if you change a few basic things, you can be a different kind of mom.
Praise your children for their effort in the process of achieving something
Focus on the process of being a good mom instead of focusing on being defined by anyone singular event or experience as a mom
Believe that your knowledge and ability as a mom can be improved
View failure as an opportunity to grow
Desire to explore new things with your children
Seek out wise counsel from other moms and accept constructive criticism from them
Determined and persistent even in the face of a setback
Aren’t afraid to take on challenging tasks t, that may push you outside your comfort zone
Constantly monitoring the world around them, looking for opportunities to learn and improve themselves and others.
Where Do We Get Our Mindset?
Our mindset begins forming during our early childhood years. Each of the mom mindsets has its own utopia of sorts in our brains. In the world of a fixed mindset, failure is a setback; intelligence and ability are predetermined; success is a sure thing. Meanwhile, anything challenging that could create criticism or defeat is avoided. In the world of a growth mindset, failure is an opportunity; intelligence and talent can be learned and developed with effort and hard work; success is based on the ability to learn new and challenging things. Even though the two mindsets are vastly opposite, Dweck’s research proves that with some education and practice, we can control, and if necessary, change our mindsets.
In order to change our mom's mindset, we have to knowingly leave our comfort zone, yet remain in our ebb and flow.
“The comfort zone is a behavioral state within which a person operates in an anxiety-neutral condition, using a limited set of behaviors to deliver a steady level of performance, usually without a sense of risk.” — Judith Bardick
Using Bardwick’s definition of the comfort zone, we can all agree that motherhood is not an anxiety-neutral lifestyle. This is precisely why it is crucial to embrace a growth mindset. A growth mindset feels uncomfortable because it requires working on self-awareness, building resilience, and acceptance. Working hard is a choice. We have to make a choice to see our failures as opportunities., Failure is inevitable. We will fail, and we will fail often, and it will be painful and discouraging, and it will test us. Yet, we cannot fear failure. We have to embrace it and use it to help us be more resilient mom.
“All growth starts at the end of your comfort zone.” —Tony Robbins
A fixed mindset is comfortable. It’s safe. It’s familiar. However, a fixed mindset uses our own fear to trap us in our comfort zones. We think we are protecting ourselves from judgment, failure, and change. Yet, what we are doing is preventing ourselves from feeling joy and living the happy, fun mom life we envision. While these fears are understandable, we cannot forget the power of the human mind. When we harness the power of our minds, the ability to learn and grow is unstoppable.
Why Growth Is the Needed Mindset for Moms?
With the right mom mindset shifts, those parental moments in which we experience defeat and setbacks could be instead viewed as opportunities for growth and learning as opposed to failures.
Motherhood has many different seasons with new challenges around every corner. As our children learn and grow, they will push us outside of our comfort zones. Fighting the constant pushing outside of our comfort zones is energy-draining, frustrating, and counterproductive.
Adopting a growth mindset alongside our children is crucial. Let's dare to adopt the mom mindset that we have the ability to learn new things. Our “success” as a mother is determined by the process and not any one single result.
How to achieve a growth mindset?
Understanding opportunities: Without making time for ourselves, there is no chance for growth.
Boundaries: Set and apply healthy lifestyle boundaries for success.
Build awareness: Self-reflect using tools such as journals to pay attention to your mood, your behaviors, your excuses, etc.
Clarify your genius zone: To meet our genius zone, we need to hone in on our skills, passion, talents, and values.
Radical accountability. You are not the victim in your life. Hold yourself to the same standards you hold others. Dissolve your excuses.
The Mom Coach™ Tip
Parents that have already mastered the growth mindset yet looking for some guidance on expanding their children’s mindset. A beautiful children’s picture book titled, Your Fantastic Elastic Brain, by Author JoAnn Deak Ph. D. The picture book teaches children the importance of a growth mindset by explaining and depicting the functions of the brain organ. It shows in a beautifully simple way that trying new things literally stretches our brains, and in doing so, it creates new synapses that allow us to learn new things. Technically speaking, this is called neuroplasticity. Neuroplasticity is the ability of the brain’s neural networks to change by growing and rearranging their pathways to reflect new abilities, environmental tolerances, mental and physical demands.
Take Action for Your Life
Are you a mom looking for a challenge? Needing accountability? Do you have goals that you keep putting off? Are you struggling with mom burnout or feel aimless in motherhood? Are you feeling confused with your purpose? If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, join The Mom Coach™ “on demand” for the proven approach to balanced well-being in motherhood. You’ll have exclusive access to helpful monthly mom challenges, guided programs, motivating videos, self-reflecting worksheets, and more. You will stop letting limiting beliefs hold you back. You will blossom with confidence and clarity.
You have one shot at motherhood as you raise the future.
Kelly Hater, Executive Contributor, Brainz Magazine
Kelly Hater, the owner of Mama Bear Domain, has over 15 years of coaching experience and a B.S. in Health Promotion specialized in Exercise Science. She specializes in helping clients overcome mom burnout, providing a clear, decisive plan that leads her clients on a path of success. Her clients no longer let mom guilt steal their identity and goals. Moms deserve to be happy and live fulfilling lives. She personally has overcome overwhelming struggles herself. Get the accountability needed to take action. As a mom of two, she gets it.
References:
Merriam-Webster. (n.d.). Mindset. In Merriam-Webster.com dictionary. Retrieved July 14, 2021, from https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/mindset
Dweck, S. Carol. (2006). Mindset: the new psychology of success. Random House. New York, NY.
Bardwick, M. Judith. (1991) Danger in the Comfort Zone: From Boardroom to Mailroom -- How to Break the Entitlement Habit That’s Killing American Business. AMACOM American Management Association, New York, NY.
