3 Key Steps To Ditch Regrets & Move Forward After 40
- Jan 17, 2022
- 5 min read
Written by: Pia Antico, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Once upon a time, the thought about ageing freaked me out. I felt like I missed out on my best life. I looked back at my 20s, my 30s and half of my 40s; it seemed paved with big missed opportunities, regrets & things I wish I knew then. I never thought I would’ve been twice divorced, struggling to keep afloat; highly educated but underemployed.
I came into this world with many advantages & should’ve had a lot more to show for it by now.
But I didn't listen to my inner wisdom back then; I followed fear-based thinking & perceived social pressures. Bad decisions messed up my life:
Unforeseen life altering brain injury halted my career progression.
Two bad marriages impacted my career, my social life, my financial investment and my homeownership.
I’ve spent years cleaning up the mess and trying to catch up on what should have been my life.
Many days I just felt tired of trying to stay positive.
I needed some area of my life to finally go right for me. I wanted to believe it was possible & not too late
If others can manifest abundance, why not me?!
As my 50th comes closer, I can't help but look back ... But now, instead of failures I see stepping stones to the woman I've become. A woman I admire A woman I would want to hang out with if I met her out & about I am single but not lonely. My heart is open to loving someone and being loved.
The fortress around my heart is no longer required because I trust my inner wisdom to guide & protect me.
In the meantime I am loving my self up in all forms, filling up my cup of love from the inside.
So how did I go from regret to celebration without getting in a time machine & changing my life choices? I internalized 3 key realizations that helped me ditch regrets & move forward: 1. Discover the truth of your feelings
Often, we believe that events are making us feel stuff & all we are doing is reacting. But the truth is we see creating our experience through our unique set of beliefs, desires, fears & expectations. When we look back on the bad decisions we've made, we will likely see that we had a loud story in our head that looked real, and we had a quieter wisdom voice deep in our heart &/ or gut that we ignored. Back then we did the best we could with the knowledge we had. Though you can't change the past, your regret could have a valid lesson for you in the present. Rather than try & push regret away maybe you use it to help you listen to that heartful wisdom, trust & follow it next time? 2. Forgive Yourself You are only human ... sometimes you will get stuck believing the world you created in your head & sometimes you will be in your wisdom. This is simply how the human experience works. Imagine for a moment it is a much loved friend who made those mistakes... how would you talk to them & help them to move forward ? What advise arises within you? Now, talk to yourself in the same way. Sometimes we may need to seek forgiveness from others - if they are alive then reach out and apologize with an offer to do better.
If they are deceased, grab a photo & candle; may be speak to them as if they were there.
Feel into your love for them and feel their love for you.
Blow out the candle and feel the hurt between you disappear with the smoke. Make amends to do your best to not make the same mistake in the future with others. 3. Trusting inner Wisdom Moving forward with hope is automatic when you allow yourself to be guided by the true compass of your heartful wisdom. For those of us who struggle to differentiate the voice in their head from the whisper in their heart &/or gut It helps to practice listening for it I learnt this exercise from one of my coaches Michael Neill he called it 'The Comfie Chair' experiment & it goes something like this: The goal: to listen for and follow the gut feeling, inclination to do NOT the ego instruction in the head that says you "should do"
Get comfortable in a squishy chair
Pop a timer on for say 5 minutes if you are like me & find you get all in your head impatient just sitting. The timer is a nice psyche hack that tells the brain to relax it will be over soon 👍🏻
Now just sit, avoiding distractions; not even deliberate meditation.
Just sit & observe your inner world
You may find the chatter in your head is loud & chaotic, probably bossy & impatient giving you a million reasons why you 'should' get up off the chair & do X,Y,Z
But, let those thoughts pass & listen below them - shift your attention away from inside your head
Allow yourself to let go of any urgency to distract yourself with busyness
Now notice in that quiet & still space an inclination to get up - a whisper of a 'good idea'
It could be as simple as ' I feel like going to the toilet. Sometimes that good idea might be something grander like getting up & changing careers or moving countries. Actions that the story in your head might try and dissuade you from. Ignore that head chatter. Regret can't exist when we flow with the guidance of our inner wisdom & trust that the Universe meets us at the edge of our heartful wisdom. I promise you that many good things can still happen in your 40s, 50s & beyond, when you allow yourself to be directed by your heartful wisdom compass None of us knows exactly how long we have in this physical form, so don't waste it reliving the past in your current thinking or letting imagined worry stop you from following your heart's desires.
Pia Antico, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine “In the middle of a storm, it is possible to find peace and strength when we tap into our innate Spirit-led wisdom and step heartfully into the present moment.” – Pia Antico. Pia Antico is the Founder of Essential Awakening Mentoring, a Relationships Reset Mentor/Coach/Trainer, Speaker, and Author. Pia is also in a Creative Partnership with the charity “More to her life,” contributing a percent of her sales/fees to inspire and support women to dream and build beyond domestic violence. She guides and encourages unfulfilled women over 40 who have spent their adult lives looking after others and following ‘the rules’ to courageously step into the second half of their lives with a total ‘Joy Reboot’ using her signature AWAKEN Model © of joyful living, based on a 3-step transformational journey embodying the 6 key elements of joy. This allows her clients to respond to any situation with calm, clarity, and confidence, enabling them to live and love fearlessly in the present moment. Pia holds three degrees in Psychology, Counseling Training, and Certification in the Inside-Out Paradigm. Additionally, she learned how to thrive after two toxic marriages and following an accident that left her with a life-altering brain injury; all while she raised a resilient, courageous, and creative daughter who has now stepped into her own light and soulful marriage.
