Written by: Jennifer Wert, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
As our world keeps getting faster and faster, I’m focused on slowing down. With everything at our fingertips, and instant gratification the norm, I watch how my daughter grows up at warp speed. The stakes are high for me, as I’ve only one child. It’s now or never. I need to be the example I want her to emulate every day before she’s ready to set off into the bigger world independently.
So many girls today are caught up in the speed of technology and aren’t kind enough to themselves. Too many are riddled with anxiety. Most are drowning in the subtle, societal messages of not being enough. I, too, can get caught underwater in consumption, comparison, and self-doubt. At almost fifty, I still beat myself up in ways nobody else could. Learning to forgive and accept myself is my work. I diligently practice bringing more peace to my life and teaching my daughter what matters most.
If you can relate in any way, I invite you to read on for ideas on being the example you want to set for your daughter:
1. Let Her See Your Mistakes And Flaws
Your little girls see you as perfect. When they’re small, they put you up on a pedestal and think you do no wrong. As adults, you know how off-the-mark this is, so please, let your daughters in on this ‘secret.’ As soon as you start owning out loud what’s hard for you, your girls can better relate. When you say you’re sorry, they feel sincerely respected and, in turn, inspired to be courageous in this same way.
It’s up to you to dispel the myth of perfection. Your mistakes and imperfections make you interesting; they help you become integrated. Teach by example — it’s what you do with failure that defines your character.
2. Stand Up For What You Believe In
You likely have strong beliefs. Yet, you want your daughter to develop her own opinions, not blindly adopt yours or anybody else’s. Is the idea then to play neutral? I don’t believe so. Through decades of working with children, I’ve experienced how sincerely young ones appreciate honesty. At the same time, I invite you to be mindful to explain that there are many different ways to think, that your viewpoint is only one of many. Remind them that it’s important to surround themselves with others whose perspectives differ from theirs. Lastly, be sure to let your girls know that it’s natural for their beliefs to evolve; they’re allowed to change their minds.
Standing up for what you believe in can be uncomfortable, even scary. It may even seem inconsequential - for example, at the dinner table with extended family. Either way, it’s up to you to show your girls how to take their seats, hold their ground and listen to others — with both decency and conviction.
3. Be Authentic
When you cover up your feelings to put on a happy face for your girl, she sees one dimension of you. No doubt, she knows you have other feelings and, for some reason, are not sharing them. In this way, you become more disconnected, less human. And your daughter learns to keep her uncomfortable (yet normal) feelings inside, too. Try noticing when you tuck away your true feelings to appear a certain way. The more we hide, the more unhealthy we become, and our relationships suffer. To truly connect with your girl, let yourself be real.
Feel what you really feel — in front of her, with her — so she can see that you have a full range of emotions every day. That this is normal. It will be of great relief to her. As she appreciates your humanness, she will learn it’s okay to be authentic herself.
4. Choose Your Community Carefully
In parenting, the old saying that ‘we are who we surround ourselves with’ not only holds true but also trickles down to your children. I say choose who you spend your time with thoughtfully. Make it those who rejuvenate and challenge you, those who accept and love you for exactly who you are. Your daughters are watching closely; they’re aware of how your friends treat you.
Who do you want your daughters to be influenced by? Aim to expose them to a diverse set of men and women to talk to, connect with and learn from. Consider your circle (really, their first community) to ensure your girls have adults in their lives who have the character traits you want them to develop — even their babysitters. They need lots of examples.
5. Listen To Your Body
You’re born with a natural intuition, and yet if you’re like most women, you spend most of your life ignoring it and not listening to what your body is telling you. I encourage you not to pass down this habit but instead share the empowering truth that the answers lie within. Reassure your girls, from when they are very little, that their bodies always ‘know.’ This, of course, means that you, too, must listen to your body. I realize it’s challenging for many of us. Again, with the world moving so fast, you may tell yourself that you don’t have time to do what your body wants you to do (e.g., rest). If you haven’t been practicing this your whole life, it will take really close listening and, of course, patience.
But, in the end, it’s up to you to model what this practice looks like for your girl and to convey how important it is. Take even the smallest opportunities. It will instill in her genuine confidence in and connection to her being. It may even change your life. Being an example is the bulk of parenting. Be an honest and conscious one so that you mindfully pave the way for your girls to have what they need. Namely their bodies, their mentors, their beliefs, and their imperfections.
Want to learn more about Jenn´s parent coaching philosophy? Visit her website today or better yet, click here to book a free thirty-minute Zoom for a brief discussion on parenting your daughter(s).
Jennifer Wert, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Professional Parent Coach, Jenn Wert, serves parents of young children around the globe who are looking for support in their conscious parenting. With a Master’s in Education, educator and doula experience along with post-graduate social-emotional training, Jenn knows how to counsel parents who want to authentically communicate with their children. After decades of her own therapy, while concurrently working with many different family types, she brings an honesty to her conversations and a discernment to her listening that allows clients to grow. Jenn inspires parenting that is nurturing, true and transformative.
