The Struggles of Dating As a Plus-Size Woman (And How To Overcome Them)
- Oct 19, 2021
- 4 min read
Updated: Jun 5, 2024
Written by: Aliyah Hammad, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Dating, in general, is hard with so many new trends, like ghosting (ending a relationship without an explanation, rejecting calls, texts, etc. like a ghost) roaching (someone that is sleeping around with a lot of people), breadcrumbing (someone who texts, calls, dates you occasionally, but doesn’t follow through) people swiping right online (tinder), etc. It feels like, with all the technology, we as humans have become very replaceable and dispensable. Imagine dealing with all these challenges and being a Plus-Size Woman at the same time? It makes dating more challenging because more issues come up.
The things we Plus-Size Women have to worry about on top of the issues of dating is whether or not the person we're dating has a fat fetish (someone who is attracted to your size or weight) if they even like a bigger woman, and/or a feeder (someone who gets pleasure from fattening someone up, which can be dangerous). A lot of us have dealt with comments about our weight and our appearance most of our lives and have been told that losing weight would make our problems magically disappear (how I wish it were that easy). Frankly, we have to work A LOT harder than our thinner counterparts for people go take us seriously and for us to get noticed by men. Then when we do, we have to keep all of this in mind. It can be exhausting and discouraging, but I will share some tips below to thrive in dating as a Plus-Size Woman:
1. Work on radical self-love
How can a partner love us if we don't love ourselves? How do you love yourself when it feels like the world is against you at times? The answer is affirmations. They may feel weird at first, but it works. You can say affirmations such as "I am beautiful, I am a sexy goddess, I am amazing, my body is amazing." You can be creative and make up your own, but say them daily and repeat them multiple times a day. Your body always listens, so say positive things about it. Secondly, date yourself. Take yourself out to places that you have always wanted to go. Get to know yourself better. Spend time alone and see what your hobbies and interests are. Explore new places, meet new people. You will be surprised at what you find out about yourself.
2. Work on your confidence
Have you ever heard the term fake it until you make it? It definitely applies in this scenario. I actually had an HR manager tell me this and ever since, I take his advice and it really works. He said the more times you fake it, then you will actually start to believe it. Affirmations also work in this case as well.
3. Work on being the best version of yourself
3. Work on being the best version of you physically, mentally, and spiritually. Physically: move your body, eat whole unprocessed foods, drink water, get your blood work checked on a regular basis, get sunshine, and fresh air. Dress your absolute best every day. If you want to release the weight, do it for yourself.
Mentally: go to a therapist and/or coach, journal your thoughts and emotions, read self-help books (one of my favorites is “Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway” and “You are a Badass”), visualize what kind of person you want to be, and listen to Podcasts (I love The Model Health Show and The School of Greatness).
Spiritually: Meditation (I recommend Dr. Joe Dispenza’s Meditations), Breathwork (inhale for four seconds, hold your breath for seven seconds, and exhale for eight seconds), make meaningful connections with people, take walks in nature, pray (whatever your religious or spiritual beliefs are), go to your place of worship, join online support groups, join in-person clubs and networking events, like Toastmasters or Rotary Club if you are comfortable going out in public.
Practice radical self-care
Be the best version of you and really fall in love with yourself. Practice radical self-care and treat yourself like the Queen that you are. What you put out there is what you get back. Like attracts like, so be the best version of yourself to attract the best people because you are worthy of it. We don't have to settle for mediocrity and last pickings because of your size.
Aliyah Hammad, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Aliyah Hammad is a Transformational Life and Mental Health Coach, specifically for the Plus-Size Woman. As a Plus-Size Woman herself, she has seen the narrative of nutrition and exercise being the solution pushed on Plus-Size people. She realized that the needs of Plus-Sized people were being ignored due to weight bias, which she has experienced herself going to Doctor's Offices. Plus-Sized people need to be seen, heard, and feel like they matter, so she pivoted her niche to the Plus-Size population. She coaches Plus-Size Women on releasing their past traumas, improving their life and finding their life purpose, eliminating toxic relationships, generational curses, self-esteem/confidence, and Mental Health Wellness addressing the mind, body, and soul. Her Coaching Practice is called Curvaceous, Fit, and Fabulous Health and Wellness LLC. Her mission is to Empower Plus-Size Women to be Curvaceous, Fit, and Fabulous.
