Updated: Jan 12
Written by: Kim Wilkinson, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Some of the symptoms of grief include anxiety, depression, anger, overwhelming sadness, sleep disturbance, guilt, forgetfulness, physical distress, and weight change. More specifically, these are symptoms of the UNRESOLVED GRIEF.
When most people hear the word GRIEF, they automatically think of someone passing. While death can certainly bring extreme grief, so can over 40 other life experiences.
Grief is the normal and natural reaction to loss — loss of a job, loss of a pet, loss of a relationship through divorce or a break-up, being a child of divorce, moving to a new city, graduation, retirement, loss of health, and of course, trauma can all cause GRIEF. It is also what we experience when there is a change in familiar patterns or behaviors.
COVID is creating a tremendous amount of GRIEF. Loss of connection, loss of feeling in control, not being able to go to yoga, the gym, out for dinner, or a movie can all cause GRIEF. Our children, not being able to go to school, play with friends, go to hockey, soccer, the pool, and friends' birthday parties or have their own birthday party, creates GRIEF. Having to school children at home is creating GRIEF, for both parents and children.
Everything roots to emotion. Most of us, if not all of us, are not taught HOW to take care of our emotional health. We are actually taught to avoid and distract from feeling anything that is not pleasant or good. No wonder there are so many problems with mental health and addictions.
How many times have you heard and or said comments like these?
Just give it time.
Keep yourself busy.
Boys don’t cry.
There are plenty of fish in the sea.
Tomorrow is a new day.
Just let it go.
Just get over it.
It wasn’t meant to be.
He/she is in a better place now.
Forget about him/her.
Let's get some food/drinks.
Although the intentions behind that are loving and kind as a person says those things to try to make a person feel better, it actually says, “don’t feel the pain.” The simple act of passing someone a Kleenex while crying and sharing feelings with you actually sends a message saying, “don’t cry.”
All we really need to do is just listen without judgment or comparison. We don’t even need to respond. We just need to hold space and listen. Once the person has fully shared their feelings and have had time to “feel” them, THEN you could offer a Kleenex or a hug. Doing so too soon simply teaches to avoid and distract. This is the stuff that has the potential to lead to addictions.
Like I said, we have been teaching avoidance and distraction for decades. As parents, we only teach what we know. If we don’t know how to take care of our emotions, what are we teaching our children?
It is time to break the cycle and end the suffering.
From GRIEF RECOVERY, there is freedom from regret, freedom from the pain of past events, freedom from the worry of 'what if,' freedom from the anxiety, the anger, the deep sadness, and freedom from all that holds you back from living a healthy and happy life. GRIEF RECOVERY brings us freedom from past traumas and losses, and it teaches us how to better navigate any future traumas, struggles, and losses.
Emotions are like weeds in a garden. There are many different types of weeds, some more toxic than others, some more difficult to deal with. If you just cover the weeds with dirt, they are just hidden, not gone, and eventually will resurface. If you just cut them off at the surface, the roots will still be there, and again, they will resurface. It isn’t until you pull the root that your garden becomes free of weeds.
Similarly, your body is your garden while your unprocessed, unresolved emotions/past traumas and UNRESOLVED GRIEF are your weeds. Most of us have a garden FULL of weeds. We literally carry around emotional baggage.
As a society, we tend to treat the symptoms and not the root cause. We give medication for anxiety, depression, and other mental health illness. We give a diagnosis that gives us a title or condition that is really just an excuse to accept where we are.
Recovery comes from action.
At times, we need the medication to bring us to a mindset to “do the work” of recovery.
When you pull the weeds of unresolved grief, the healing and transformation that happens is incredible. Not only do you experience emotional healing, but you also experience healing physically and mentally.
GRIEF RECOVERY brings you the freedom to live your best life. I know this because I have experienced this myself.
We ALL have UNRESOLVED GRIEF. We have ALL experienced some trauma and loss. Within my own family, there were family members with PTSD, anxiety, depression, and addiction. There was loss of life when my 22-year-old son died of overdose, Nov 14, 2019.
It was the specific approach of the GRIEF RECOVERY METHOD that brought incredible healing, peace, and freedom. It also brought me purpose, and so I am grateful for every opportunity to support others through their GRIEF RECOVERY journey.
Too many people are suffering in the world right now. It’s time to take control of our emotional health so we can live the life we desire and deserve.
Kim Wilkinson, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Kim Wilkinson is an expert in Emotional Health and in helping people to move from SUFFERING to EMPOWERMENT. Through her own family struggles with Mental Health, PTSD, Addictions and Traumas, including losing her 22-year-old son to overdose, Kim found healing, recovery and transformation. Most of all, through this journey, what Kim found was purpose and a passion for helping others. Kim's approach with clients is one of compassion, non-judgment and patience. She knows first hand how applying specific tools and techniques can not only bring healing and recovery but can also bring abundance and success in all areas of life.
Kim continues to work a few days a week at the Addiction Treatment Centre that her son attended, however, most of her time is focused on supporting people through Grief Recovery (online and in person).
A message from Kim "The whole world is grieving right now and we all have unresolved grief. It's time to learn how to take care of our Emotional Health and break the cycle of Mental Health concerns and find an end to our suffering."