Self-Love vs. Self-Care – What It Really Means to Embrace All of You
- Brainz Magazine
- May 23
- 5 min read
Written by Natalya Wilson, Life and Relationship Coach
Natalya Wilson, founder of New Alignment, is a compassionate Journey Guide and certified Life and Relationship Coach. Drawing from personal resilience and professional expertise, she helps individuals and couples navigate challenges, embrace growth, and realign their lives with purpose and clarity.
Self-love, it’s one of those buzzwords that gets tossed around in affirmations and Instagram captions. But if you strip away the bubble baths and face masks, what does it really mean to love yourself? Hint: it’s deeper than spa days and green smoothies.
Self-love isn’t a Sunday routine; it’s a lifelong relationship with yourself. It’s the way you hold space for every version of you: the young, the messy, the healing, the evolving. It’s the quiet pride you feel not just when things go well, but when they don’t, and you still choose to show up. You still choose to be understanding of the circumstances and give yourself a big mental and physical hug to say, “You got this, and you are doing your best,” regardless of what society thinks or what Hollywood movies portray.
Understanding the real meaning of self-love
Self-love is a continuous evolution of self-acceptance. At. Every. Single. Level. It means embracing every part of who you are, your flaws, your failures, your progress, and your power. It’s about standing in the mirror and seeing beyond the stretch marks, the receding hairline, and any imperfections. It's recognizing the soul that’s survived, adapted, and grown through all the crash-outs, breakdowns, arguments, and self-doubts.
True self-love isn’t performative. It doesn’t seek validation. It whispers, “I am enough,” even when life and others scream otherwise. It’s choosing to be kind to yourself, not just when you shine but when you stumble. When you fall face-first into the chaos, staring up, wondering how you’ll even be able to get up this time.
It’s looking at each chapter of your life, even the ones you wish you could erase, and finding pride in the fact that you’ve grown from them. If you’re reading this right now, it means you’ve survived 100% of your worst days! It’s the ability to say: “I forgive myself. I understand myself. I’m learning more about myself. And I still love myself, even when I’m a hot mess.”
Self-love vs. self-care: why they aren’t the same
Self-care is what you do, the solo dates, the nails and hair appointments, buying yourself a new watch or fresh underwear. Self-love is how you feel. How you think and talk to and about yourself, with yourself and others. How you mentally unload your fears and doubts and give yourself grace and compassion.
Self-care is essential, it’s the act of nourishing your body, mind, and spirit. It’s physical rest, journaling, hydration, therapy, movement. But self-love? It’s the belief that you are worthy of ALL that care to begin with.
You can book the massage and still bully yourself in your mind. You can eat the salad and still hate your body. You can rest and still feel guilty for needing a break. That’s the difference.
Telling yourself that you need this right now, and it’s okay to receive it exactly when you need it.
Self-love is the root. Self-care is the flower. Let’s not just grow, but blossom too. Nourish your soul!
The power of accepting every version of you
There is strength in looking back, reflecting on all that you have endured and experienced, and honoring who you were at every age. From the 16-year-old who made impulsive decisions to the 29-year-old who stayed in situations she knew she deserved better than, each version of you was trying your best with what you knew.
Self-love says: “Thank you, younger me, for getting us here. I’ll take it from here with more wisdom and grace.” Even if you mess up and decide to try again, know that you aren’t starting from scratch but from experience and a better understanding of the assignment. Life will continue to help you elevate by repeating cycles until the lesson is learned. Reflect and see what you are being taught.
Acceptance is not settling. It’s seeing your scars as part of your story, not signs of weakness, but reminders of resilience. Wear your battle scars proudly, knowing that you survived your truth, no matter how awful it looks to the world. Know that you are still beautiful despite them.
Grace, compassion, and patience: the pillars of self-love
To love yourself is to extend the same gentleness and kindness you give so freely to others. It’s offering grace when you mess up. Compassion when you’re hurting or make a mistake.
Patience when you’re still learning about yourself. There is no true manual for life. Your journey is uniquely yours.
It’s not demanding perfection. It’s celebrating progress. Some progress is always better than none. Moving one step forward is better than staying stuck. It’s knowing that healing is not linear and growth doesn’t always look glamorous. Beauty feels no pain? Yeah… right! Sometimes it’s tears in the car, awkward and hard conversations, and trying again, even after failing not once but six more times after that.
Self-love means being gentle with yourself when the world isn’t. You live in your mind 100% of the time, might as well make it a comfortable space to be in.
Appreciating the quiet strength within
You’ve carried yourself through moments no one saw. You’ve smiled for others when your own heart was breaking. You’ve held space, lifted others, and still found a way to move forward, even when you felt stuck. Well, look at you being the mental HULK and all, and you’re smashing it!
That’s resilience. That’s self-love in motion. And all of your emotions are valid, but not facts! Feel the feels and process them, but learn how to put them down too and close the chapters.
It’s in the moments when you chose not to give up, when you took the call, showed up, cooked the meal, or simply got out of bed. Loving yourself means honoring those small victories as deeply as the big ones.
The invitation to love yourself more fully and deeply
You are not too much or too little, you are a full, evolving masterpiece. And loving yourself means staying in the process, in the progress, even if you need a break, take it. But don’t forget to get back up and start again. Show up through every season, and be proud of how far you’ve come, especially proud of where you are at this very moment.
So yes, drink the water and do the yoga. Go to the gym. But also, speak kindly to yourself. Look in the mirror and tell yourself, “Hey, you! I love you! And you are doing great.” Forgive the old you. Appreciate the current you. And cheer on the future you.
Because the deepest kind of self-care is always rooted in self-love.
I’m proud of you for reading this! You are on the right track. I wish you nothing but the best in everything you do. Don’t forget, you are your biggest asset, best friend, masterpiece, and the greatest love of your life.
If you want to love yourself more and on a deeper level, or you'd like to book a session to work on your relationship with yourself, feel free to contact me using this link. I'd love to hear from you.
Natalya Wilson, Life and Relationship Coach
Natalya Wilson, founder of New Alignment, is a Journey Guide specializing in life and relationship coaching. Drawing from her counseling background, coaching expertise, and transformative life experiences, she inspires clients to embrace their authentic selves and achieve meaningful alignment. To date, her services have impacted over 100 clients. Based in the serene surroundings of Mandeville, Jamaica, Natalya combines compassion and expertise to help individuals and couples overcome challenges and foster growth. She creates safe, transformative spaces for healing and personal development and invites potential clients to follow her for insights on navigating relationships, personal growth, and finding clarity in chaos.
